Thao Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 (edited) Hi, I was in relationship with this guy for almost 7 years now. During last year I felt stuck with our relationship so after months of thinking I decided to break things off in October. I was feeling stuck because we kept fighting about the same issue and I wasnt sure if I was still in love with him because of all the fighting. Then after a month, I felt like I couldnt never felt this way about anyone else, and that all the trouble we’ve been through I couldnt have get through it if it was someone else not him, so I contacted him and we were back together for 2 months. But then one day we started fighting about how he doesnt want to spend anytime during the day to see me, he said nothing then he initiated to break up with me. I was shocked but said yes, 3 days later I found out he was hitting on another girl at work a week before the breakup. I was devastated, so I showed up at his work place as his ex and told the girl at work that him and I been together 7 years and he did that right the moment we broke up. She was shocked too but didnt say much, after that I went home. I cried a lot, but after calming myself down I decided to call him for an open talk, about why he did that and he said he was also fed up with the relationship and with me. I was heartbroken to hear those words because after the time I broke up with him first then got back, I was more in love and committed to him than before, so I begged him to give our relationship another try and he agreed. A weak after that he broke up with me again because he still couldnt take it and he said he needs to think until March 2021, but then 2 weeks later he came back to me and even talked about marriage, then he broke up with me 4 days later. You can imagine how broken and fed up I was, so I slapped him because of all the horrible things he did to me, then he kicked me and yelled at me, and said he didnt want anything to do with me anymore and told me to leave Despite all those things that happened, I dont know why I still want to get back to him but I do, after the first breakup I was more in love with him than before, so him doing this to me was the worst thing anyone could have done. But after all those things, I still want him back, even if it will take months to years for him to realize it. Do you think we still have any chance to get back together Edited February 20, 2021 by Thao Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 31 minutes ago, Thao said: I slapped him because of all the horrible things he did to me, then he kicked me and yelled at me, and said he didnt want anything to do with me anymore and told me to leave Sorry this is happening. You need to stay far away from him, his house, his workplace. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Unfortunately this relationship is toxic and abusive. Be very careful. You could have been arrested for assault and trespassing. See a physician about your overall physical and mental health. If you drink heavily or abuse drugs, get support for that. Pull yourself together and get the help you need. Don't become a "Fatal Attraction" case. Calm down. Leave him alone before he gets a restraining order. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 you want to stay together because you feel the loss of a friend, and someone you have been with for so long. But I get the feeling you may be getting a little "Over the top" with him, and because of that, he is ready to move on. As wiseman said... delete him, and move on. It won't be easy... but it's what needs to be done. It will hut for a while... but time will help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Thao said: Do you think we still have any chance to get back together No, I think there is far too much resentment and drama for this to ever work out. It's time to move on, and learn how to better regulate your emotions. Showing up at his workplace, hitting him...girl. Where did you learn to behave so poorly? This is unacceptable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 5 hours ago, Thao said: I still want him back, even if it will take months to years for him to realize it. Good gracious. It’s time to move on from this mess of a relationship. Healthy relationships don’t have this kind of drama. This is clearly not a healthy relationship for you or for him. You are going around in circles - just pull the cord already. You are going to waste your life with a man or waiting for a man who doesn’t love you. Get real. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thao Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 (edited) I know that this relationship was toxic. During the years I felt things wrong with this relationship as us both were bad for each other, so I tried to stay out of it a lot of time. But everytime I tried to break up he would either followed me, stalked me or did things like breaking stuff forcing me to get back to him. He once tried to break his head with a glass when I tried to break up with him. He always failed to communicate. Everytime I tried to talk to him about making the relationship better he would just ignore me. We had the worst kinds of ups and downs ever. But now it’s been a month since the breakup, I dont contact him anymore, nor looking at his social media, or showing up anywhere that it was possible to see him. I dont expect to get him back or going back to him. I just felt like I wouldnt be able to have this kind of feelings towards anyone else ever again and if there’s even a small chance of us getting back together I would have done things differently. I don’t expect to get back to him right away or anytime soon, or ever, I just feel like if there is a chance even many years later when we are at a different spots as different people, I would still want to make things right with him. Despite all the toxic things we went through we had the happiest time together and if it’s not him I wouldnt have put through so many things over the years. Toxic relationships show the worst of both people, but I think if the toxic times can stay behind once we both are mature enough, not right now of course. Edited February 20, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 36 minutes ago, Thao said: I dont expect to get him back or going back to him. I just felt like I wouldnt be able to have this kind of feelings towards anyone else ever again Thao, with respect, this indicates that your view of love is extremely dysfunctional. This is not related to mere immaturity. This man sounds unhinged and dangerous. Did you happen to grow up in an abusive home? I am wondering what has happened to your self-worth that you stayed in such a horrible situation for this long. You have some work to do on yourself if you want something this toxic back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Thao said: But now it’s been a month since the breakup, I dont contact him anymore, nor looking at his social media, or showing up anywhere that it was possible to see him. I dont expect to get him back or going back to him. 7 hours ago, Thao said: I still want him back, even if it will take months to years for him to realize it. Respectfully, these two things are discongruent - not consistent. As my mom used to say, you don’t know whether you are coming or going right now. One thing is clear - this is not healthy for either one of you - particularly when you say... 1 hour ago, Thao said: Everytime I tried to break up he would either followed me, stalked me or did things like breaking stuff forcing me to get back to him. He once tried to break his head with a glass when I tried to break up with him. Everytime I tried to talk to him about making the relationship better he would just ignore me. This is bad and it’s not going to get better. You two don’t work together and I don’t see this coming back together to miraculously form a healthy relationship. Kindly, you need some time by yourself because you have things you need to learn from this before you find a healthy relationship for yourself... counselling would be a very good idea for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Thao said: I just felt like I wouldnt be able to have this kind of feelings towards anyone else ever again You will find better. Trust me. If you do the work, if you learn what it is to chose a healthy partner and to be a healthy partner, it will be so much better. What you’ve had with this man has been an intense, emotional experience. This is a terribly unhealthy relationship - the extremes and the intensity of the feelings you are experiencing are not particularly normal. Healthy relationships tend to be relatively calm, peaceful, rather boring experiences. There is joy to be found, and excitement, and fun but it does not compare to the rollercoaster you have been riding with this man. Don’t compare other men or other relationships to this experience. Unless you go from one unhealthy relationship to another, they won’t be the same. Edited February 20, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted February 21, 2021 Share Posted February 21, 2021 The initial breaking up with him, the going to his work thing, and the slapping are all potentially permanent relationship killers in and of themselves. When you have all of them together there's just no going back. If I were him, I'd be staying far, far away. This does not even get into or excuse him kicking you. That is just as wrong as your slapping of him (by the way, I think I could handle a slap, physically, but it's the precedent it sets, ie more slapping in the future). I think you should just learn from your mistakes, move on, and vow to not make them in your future relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thao Posted February 25, 2021 Author Share Posted February 25, 2021 (edited) Update: I no longer want him back, like ever I’m a very hot tempered person that have been dealing with depression for years. During the breakup it hit me the hardest, I couldnt cotroll my own action, I couldn’t sleep, eat, I was pacing, shaking hands and on the verge of losing my job! The only person who stood by me through all this was my mom, she gave me supports, took me to therapist, get my prescription, drive me around because I could barely walk or function properly. And that’s when I realize I’ve been depressed all along about someone who couldnt be there for me through my worst time, when in fact I have my mom, a beautiful person who also have seen all of my worst sides and never once left, and now she’s the only person who’s giving me support through my depression. And that’s when I decided I must give her support too and I can’t do that when I’m obsessed with someone who made my depression worse. So I decided to block him everywhere, delete everything that has anything to do with him, and never ever let him back in my life and hurt me and my mom ever again. I know this will still hurt along the way but I will let myself feel the pain until it wont hurt anymore, because I need to be strong for myself and my family. Edited February 25, 2021 by Thao 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 Mom’s are the best! 💕 Men will come and go from your life, but your mom is forever. Take care Thao. Link to post Share on other sites
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