I still miss my ex boyfriend

[lagi_lanumoana]

After 5 years of breaking up with him, I still miss him and want to be with him again.

We couldn't overcome long distance, I was anxious because I wasn't with him so I doubted he had someone else. I asked him to come to the city where I am, but he got a new job so refused. One day I asked him if I was in the future but he couldn't answer for sure that I would be with him in his future at the time. I was so angry at his answer and I told him all the curses I knew. Then we broke up.

After 1 year, I was wondering if he was doing well, I contacted him and he replied.

We broke up badly, but I was happy to be friends with him again. During contact, he told me that he was in a new relationship and that he may not be able to reply at times. Because I didn't want to bother him, I occasionally sent him a message, and he also replied.

Then one day, a person suspected of being his girlfriend added me on my social media and canceled it. I was sure she did it deliberately, I couldn't ignore this and I asked him what was going on with this. Then he said, "I asked my gf, but it was a mistake. I'm sorry." I was so upset and I asked him how this could happen by mistake. His reply was the same. "It was a mistake, not intentional. I'm sorry." I was so upset that she knew my name, and I thought he was responsible for this. But he told me not to curse him for what he did not do, but I told him to [go away] and the conversation is over.

I've been happy to contact him since we broke up, but it hurts at the same time. I can't be his lover and I just have to miss him. He maybe knows from the messages I send that I still miss him. In the meantime, I regretted my breakup and couldn't even start a new relationship.

So I left a message of apology for what I said badly to him last time, but he didn't reply to it and a month later he celebrated my birthday, and I just said thank you.

If he can't be with him again, I'd like to stay with him as a friend. Should I distance from him for a while?

Edited February 20, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed inappropriate language

[Atwood]

I think you should respectfully back away from your ex partner and allow him to enjoy his relationship. You are possibly a source of unease and insecurity in his relationship already, and it's unfair to do that to someone you care about. You have no idea how his relationship will pan out, but you guys already had your shot and it wasn't successful. Verbally abusing him after making him apologise for something he didn't do isn't a healthy interaction, and it's probably an indicator as to why your relatioship didn't work out. Do you feel entitled to consideration from your ex's partner? You're not owed anything from either of them, and I think you should work on yourself and your personal way of interacting before getting into another relationship, and I think you should leave your ex alone completely. Focus on being someone who can create a new, healthy relationship and learn from your previous mistakes

[ShyViolet]

Stop sending him messages.  It's not helping anything and it's just causing drama.  You need to stop contact with him and move on with your life.  Stopping contact will make it easier for you to move on.

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, lagi_lanumoana said:

If he can't be with him again, I'd like to stay with him as a friend. Should I distance from him for a while?

I'm sorry but stalking your ex-boyfriend on his social media and stalking his current girlfriend on her social media is unhealthy for you. You are hung up on your ex and you want him back. But he has chosen someone else and moved on. You need to block and delete him or at the very least, put his social media ALL on mute until you can stop obsessing over him the way that you are doing right now. 

You won't be able to move on and be emotionally available for local guys in your city until you let go of the fantasy you had for your ex. It didn't work out with him. That's ok. It happens. But you can't force him to take you back. Just let him go and move on with your life.