My 'boyfriend' is obsessive with his weed

[JuliaUceda]

I'll be honest.  My "boyfriend" knows that I hate weed and that if he smoked I would break up with him, on February 7 I discovered that he lied to me and that he smoked weed for a year, I gave him a second chance to quit, but since I didn't trust him because he lied to me, I put a camera in his room.  I seen him smoking weed again tonight while I was not there, I went to his house to pick up my things and he told me that I am not welcome and "you are very immature but since you love me so much you will not leave me and I know you will not talk to me for a week because you are like a kid, but I know you will not break up with me :)" he knew smoking weed is a deal breaker and I being with him since 2017. I decided to leave his house and I was lucky he didn't hurt me. But I am just heart broken that he just throw the entire relationship to the trash because his weed, top of that he drink a 6pack of beer pretty much every single night, I live with my mother and I was visiting him every night and he was doing ALL this while I was not there. Is just really disappoint, he told me I dont have any right to get upset because I put a camera in his room, well I put the camera because I knew something was oof and I dindt trust after he lie to me for a entire year... I know my mistake was putting the camera, but I hate when he lie to me and is NORMAL. I also get mad when he drink all that beer but I cant say nothing because he will get angry..  I already talk to him so many times and his behavior is this one

"You always gave me warnings and I dont take that serious anymore because you always back with me" he told me that before he kick me out of his apartment, so he believes I will be upset with him for a week and without answering his text or calls and then I will back with him like nothing happen.. and I am really done and I dont have any friends or anybody to talk about this!

[Happy Lemming]

He is an addict.  You don't change addicts.  They rarely stop addictive behaviors.  Moreover he doesn't want to stop using, he likes to drink and "Smoke". 

 

42 minutes ago, JuliaUceda said:

 I was lucky he didn't hurt me.

 

Yet another reason to be done with this addict...  Addicts often get violent when you take away or try to suppress their "drug of choice".

 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, JuliaUceda said:

since you love me so much you will not leave me and I know you will not talk to me for a week because you are like a kid, but I know you will not break up with me

Prove him wrong. 

[d0nnivain]

I'm shocked he wasn't more angry at the invasion of privacy.  I'd be furious if a SO spied on me like that. 

That said, he doesn't respect you.  So have some respect for yourself & be done.  If you go back after this he will walk all over you forever because he will know you only make empty threats.  

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, JuliaUceda said:

I gave him a second chance to quit, but since I didn't trust him because he lied to me, I put a camera in his room.  I live with my mother and I was visiting him every night.

Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. You're not compatible. Keep in mind, you  can not tell people what to do with their bodies, all you can do is observe incompatibilities and cut your losses early on. 

Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media. 

It is generally not legal, as you likely would guess, to place a hidden camera into someone else's home. Where is the device now? He could press charges, so you may want to talk to trusted adults or a criminal defense attorney.

You committed a crime. Pull yourself together and next time do not try to fix, change or force or control anyone, particularly through illegal means. 

[notbroken]

You should be done with him.  You are incompatible.  He likes weed, it is a major part of his life, and you don't.   End it. 

You likely broke the law putting the camera in his room (it would be illegal in my state).   Hopefully, he won't have you prosecuted.   If you have to spy on people with cameras that is a pretty good sign you should just break up with them.   Do NOT go that route in the future if you want to avoid prosecution/trouble. 

[JRabbit]

On 2/22/2021 at 3:30 PM, d0nnivain said:

That said, he doesn't respect you. 

Im sorry but no. Some of us need weed to function.  I am one of them, I have PTSD and weed literally keeps me alive. I am a business professional with my own home, financially stable, educated etc etc.  This stigma about weed needs to end already!

To the OP -You don't have to accept or date someone who uses but please dont try and force those who do use to quit because YOU dont like it.

[d0nnivain]

51 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

Im sorry but no. Some of us need weed to function.  

I am certainly not 420 friendly by any stretch but it's not about the weed. 

I said he doesn't respect her because he LIED to her, not because he smokes weed.  He promised to stop smoking, which he does recreationally not for medical reasons.  Then he went right on smoking for a whole year behind her back.  

The subject of his promise isn't the issue.  If he promised not to play tiddly winks but played any way, that would still make him a liar who doesn't respect his SO enough to tell the truth. 

He also called her a kid & claimed that she would be back with him in a week because she loves him so much.  He thinks he can do whatever he wants because she doesn't have the self-esteem or self-confidence to dump him & he's taking advantage of her weakness.  That is the best evidence that he does not take her seriously & that he has zero respect for her.  

Him smoking & her not liking week makes them incompatible.  You are right that she can't force him to quit because she doesn't like it but she can break up with him because she doesn't want that behavior (weed or anything else) in her life.  

[JRabbit]

18 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I said he doesn't respect her because he LIED to her, not because he smokes weed.  He promised to stop smoking, which he does recreationally not for medical reasons.  Then he went right on smoking for a whole year behind her back. 

gotcha, I misread my apologies.  

[ExpatInItaly]

I would never speak to you again if you put a camera in my room and spied on me, personally. That is seriously creepy and a gross invasion of privacy. You are not entitled to spy because you are worried he is lying on you. That is what breaking up is for - end it if you are so untrusting that you feel compelled to do something like that. 

That said, I do agree with the others that he doesn't respect you anyway. It's time for this relationship to be over, and you both need to examine your own behaviour. 

[Cookiesandough]

You ought not try to control or change people in relationships. Your efforts to control won’t work anyway because he knows you will put up with it and you’re not going anywhere. He said that. 

[FMW]

Plenty of things wrong on both sides of this relationship.  I don't understand why either of you would want to continue with it.  You've been together 4 years.  He's not going to change (and neither are you).  Either accept him as he is, weed included, or move on.  When you feel compelled to go to the extreme of placing a hidden camera in someone else's home it's way past time to call it quits.