Pottering About Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 Do you read some posts and think well actually OP and/or BS, I can see why you have been cheated on and, frankly I don’t blame them? Do you ever think, FFS, you are just going to continue being hurt and I just give up? Do you ever feel an intense dislike for an OP or their WS, even though you have never met them? Why is it that we like some people yet vilify others? Why do we sometimes root for reconciliation but then tell others to divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 5 minutes ago, Pottering About said: Do you ever think, FFS, you are just going to continue being hurt and I just give up? Do you ever feel an intense dislike for an OP or their WS, even though you have never met them? What is FFS? No I never dislike an original poster or anyone I have never met. If the topic doesn't interest me, I don't reply. If the original poster is asking for advice, I'll be as straight up as possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Asc1226 Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 What is FFS? For f***’s sake. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 14 hours ago, Pottering About said: Why is it that we like some people yet vilify others? Why do we sometimes root for reconciliation but then tell others to divorce. While there are broad similarities in many stories, there are also details and nuances that may impact this. Also I think many people's views and attitudes shift slowly over time. Some might find themselves triggered by a particular detail and/or phrasing and react more emotionally to a particular thread. And some people are simply inconsistent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 I do not think Vilifying others helps. I will concede that I may have done this in some past posts. In general, I look for things that I can comment about. I tend to keep my mouth shut, unless I think I can contribute something positive, or I have some experience with what is being discussed. Some posters, are so far out there, or can not realize what they are saying. They are cut off from reality. In these case, I think we, and I am using the royal we, should point out their bad thinking and actions. This can be harsh, as folks do not like it when their actions and thoughts are questioned. My two cents 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-shards Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 Yes to all Q-s - because I'm human, with no 'paragon of virtue' pretenses - except the Q on vilification. I believe in this quote from Hanlon: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. I rarely, if ever, vilify - but I can't pretend not to notice lower cognitive ability. I've seen malice out there - but cases of pure evil are extremely rare. As for rooting for reconciliation or divorce, alternatively - all humans are biased, by default. Only a select few always guard against their own bias. They know what that is, they acknowledge it, then attempt to dispense the most detached and fair advice they are capable of, independent of their own experience, emotions and moral/ideological commitments. It's how it works. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 I think it's easy for some people to feel frustrated when they see someone come here time and time again to complain about the situation they are in yet have not taken any action to remedy it. However, if I take a step back, I usually see where people are stuck. There is no easy decision post-affair. To stay or to go. There is a lot of fear. I do tend to be turned off by posters who come off as smug and arrogant. I have never been a fan of those personality types, but I also know it is typically hiding a much bigger insecurity. In a way, it makes me sympathize for them. I have never read something that made me think "no wonder you were cheated on." I have heard some people say this about people I know, and while those people may have been a large pain (I can think of a few REALLY demanding, high attitude, etc etc... real B! type of women), I never have thought, "no wonder." I have thought in those cases, why didn't the WS just divorce their BS... no one would be happy with that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 I saw one where the OP said he was verbally and emotionally abusive to his wife (WS) calling her ugly, fat and generally treating her badly. I did think...well no wonder she cheated. He probably made her feel worthless and when someone else treated her nicely...she had the affair. I did respond saying although she could have left and not had the affair, that victims of abuse have no self esteem and are usually vulnerable people to begin with, hence they tolerate the abuse. I held back from saying he obviously abused her for that reason ...seeing her vulnerability and taking advantage of her obvious low confidence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 I have come across many threads where I think.."how are you shocked?" One that really sticks out was a WW who told her husband is was half the man her mm was, she didn't love him, he was horrible in bed. Mm dumped her and she stayed in her marriage. About a year later she was back complaining about her husband having an affair. And she was shocked. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-shards Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 45 minutes ago, DKT3 said: I have come across many threads where I think.."how are you shocked?" One that really sticks out was a WW who told her husband is was half the man her mm was, she didn't love him, he was horrible in bed. Mm dumped her and she stayed in her marriage. About a year later she was back complaining about her husband having an affair. And she was shocked. Some people are just dumb and have the emotional intelligence and diplomatic skills of a turnip. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Soul-shards said: Some people are just dumb and have the emotional intelligence and diplomatic skills of a turnip. She was a train wreck ...I see if I can find her Edited March 2, 2021 by DKT3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 13 hours ago, DKT3 said: I have come across many threads where I think.."how are you shocked?" One that really sticks out was a WW who told her husband is was half the man her mm was, she didn't love him, he was horrible in bed. Mm dumped her and she stayed in her marriage. About a year later she was back complaining about her husband having an affair. And she was shocked. I question why he didn't leave after she said that, but perhaps he was plotting his revenge or getting his ducks in a row. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) I can't find her...her scene name is angelina but I can't find her Edited March 2, 2021 by DKT3 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 21 hours ago, DKT3 said: I can't find her...her scene name is angelina but I can't find her I remember that thread. Yep, she was a piece of work. Link to post Share on other sites
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