heluoukguy Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 Advice or help with no contact Always appreciate people taking time to read and help. My ex and broke up about a month ago. I have to be honest otherwise any help is meaningless. For 3 weeks I would go quiet for 3/4 days and then beg or get upset. Not my finest hour but I did. I then did two weeks of no contact over and including Valentine’s Day. My ex as recently as 8 days again (I stopped checking) would put obvious hints in her instagram stories like moving a photo of us, quotes from people we like, or about a concert we had tickets to. I stopped checking now. I broke no contact on Sunday to ask for some stuff back like an iPod and jacket. I shouldn’t have. She told me how well she was doing in like an essay. Amazing grades, really happy, doing this and doing that. We chatted almost like normal and she said she was happy I was in a good place. She even recommending a book for me on WhatsApp, by unblocking and then blocking me again. She said she would post my stuff but I don’t even think she has the address of my parents house. She said take care and I cracked a bit and said sorry I was obviously holding you back, great you are doing so well. I’m now on day 2 of no contact again, but I actually deleted all my social media and WhatsApp and haven’t checked. What do people think she is thinking or what is going on? Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 We can't know how she is because you are the one posting & you are hurting. You taking a break from social media is probably a good thing. You need the time off. She could be OK or she could be saving face. I would never tell a recent EX that I was hurting, no matter how much I was. I would always put on a brave face & let him think I didn't need him / care. That doesn't mean I or she wants the EX back; it's just a pride thing. If she doesn't have your parents' address & you really want your stuff back, get the address to her but then let it go. Take steps to help yourself. Grieve a bit for your loss but then pull yourself together. Purge the mementos. Get active. Make some positive changes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 I get you want your stuff back. After that go dark. Block everything. Shes telling you how great life is because she dumped you. Believe her and let her go. There is no one and only, soulmate. There are many out there for you. Don’t waste time on this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Why did you two break up? It's difficult to guess where her mind is at without any context about your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 18 hours ago, heluoukguy said: I broke no contact on Sunday to ask for some stuff back like an iPod and jacket. I shouldn’t have. She told me how well she was doing in like an essay. Amazing grades, really happy, doing this and doing that. We chatted almost like normal and she said she was happy I was in a good place. She even recommending a book for me on WhatsApp, by unblocking and then blocking me again. She said she would post my stuff but I don’t even think she has the address of my parents house. She said take care and I cracked a bit and said sorry I was obviously holding you back, great you are doing so well. Sometimes, someone no longer wants to be with you, so they break up with you. And maybe there's a part of them that wants you to fall apart because that would confirm to them just how great they were. Yes, it is an ego thing, and it's selfish on the person's part. At the same time, the person may want you to feel like you were really meaningless to them and they can live without you. So they go out of the way to show you and tell you just how fantastic their lives are post-break-up. This usually culminates in their starting to date someone new on the rebound and posting pictures of them all over the place and singing their praises from the rooftop. It's a performance for your sake (and sometimes for their own sake). That's one of the reasons why the decent thing do after a breakup is often to block each other. It allows you to heal from the pain of separation without being subjected to passive-aggressive jabs from the person you once loved (or still love). You did well to go NC. Please stay NC. And be active about it: Block her absolutely everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 (edited) Get your stuff back and NC. Don’t waste your thoughts & energy on someone who is happier without you. You don’t need that Edited February 24, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hpchic Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 (edited) It’s very common for a recent ex to act like their life is going great and they’re happy, especially if she’s the one who broke up with you (which sounds like she did). The breakup will take longer to hit her than it hit you. She will eventually start missing you, it’s only natural. In the meantime stay in no contact and put all your efforts in trying to move on. When my ex broke up with me a year ago I pictured him doing great in my mind while I was devastated. Turned out his life was disarray and he was depressed. I reconnected with him recently (although it didn’t work out) and he was telling me how he was always so envious of how I had my life together and how independent I was. He thought after we broke up I just went on living my life as usual and that I wasn’t that affected by the breakup. So you see, it’s all about perception not reality. Edited February 26, 2021 by Hpchic Link to post Share on other sites
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