Minnie Moo Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Soul-shards said: I can see that but I can also see the sadness of reducing a R such basic, functional needs. Well, now the bar is pretty low and this line of thinking unfortunately leads many people to make luke-warm selections for marriage. Does that mean a person with tons of money would be OK without an R as long as they can pay for staff to bring them the cup of tea and toast? I am starting to think affairs should be limited to married people on both sides. I probably didn’t explain it very well. I meant that the making of tea and toast is symbolic of having someone there for you, someone who cares and loves and looks after you, willingly. Company and love and shared time. Cups of tea made by other people always taste better when you know they’re made with love and compassion and caring. ive lived without my hubby for x3 years now and to have someone get up before you and bring you a cup of tea in bed can be the best start to a day. I miss those simple acts that mean so much. My exMM was never going to be able to stay at my house and make me a cup of tea and toast. Ever. We would never be able to cuddle up on the sofa together. We’d never be sharing anything at all. He could never be there for me if I was ill or upset or needed help. The relationship would never progress beyond the ‘limerance’ phase either as there’s no way to build a deeper love that comes with sharing a full life with someone. Edited March 10, 2021 by Minnie Moo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 You need to get in a new relationship as soon as possible! Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-shards Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 1 hour ago, Minnie Moo said: I probably didn’t explain it very well. I meant that the making of tea and toast is symbolic of having someone there for you, someone who cares and loves and looks after you, willingly. Company and love and shared time. Cups of tea made by other people always taste better when you know they’re made with love and compassion and caring. ive lived without my hubby for x3 years now and to have someone get up before you and bring you a cup of tea in bed can be the best start to a day. I miss those simple acts that mean so much. My exMM was never going to be able to stay at my house and make me a cup of tea and toast. Ever. We would never be able to cuddle up on the sofa together. We’d never be sharing anything at all. He could never be there for me if I was ill or upset or needed help. The relationship would never progress beyond the ‘limerance’ phase either as there’s no way to build a deeper love that comes with sharing a full life with someone. I am sorry to hear you miss your x-H even though I am don't know what the conditions for your split were. If you were single and you were expecting acts of domesticity from your MM, then indeed you set yourself up for a terribly rude awakening. Unrealistic expectations. For those kinds of things, you need a socially sanctioned R (in the open). You may get a marriage partner who fully meets your needs (lucky), one who is a mixed bag (OK, most likely) or even one who offers more frustration than benefits overall (more common than people want to admit) - but either of those would most likely care enough/do their duty and bring you the cup of tea when you're sick, unless they are a psychopath who completely lacks empathy. Marriage is set up for that, with roles and expectations in place, indeed. A-s are not for that. What concerns me is that by emphasizing such basic aspects of marriage (somebody will be there for me at my worst), we forget that most life happens in the interim, when we are NOT at our worst, but neither are we a our best because we are in a R that is not wired to provide the best. Despite the fact that marriage is supposed to allow for room to build that "deeper love" that supposedly comes form sharing a full life with someone, we are bombarded with evidence that the same opportunity can lead to routine, boredom, disenchantment, devitalization and estrangement when the R fizzles due to partner incompatibility at the core. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie Moo Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 13 hours ago, Minnie Moo said: I’m not very good at using Spotify. I’ll let you look it up 😂😂 13 hours ago, IfWishesWereFishes said: oh... great idea! wonder if there already exists a playlist on spotify Another one for the list Ava Max All out of Salt Link to post Share on other sites
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