Petty friends

[Pumpernickel]

I got an invite for a local comedy show, which one of my friend’s friends will be participating in on stage as a “comedian” (I know him as an acquaintance). She invited a few people and will be pre-purchasing all the tickets for everyone. I said “yes, I’m going to go“ - as I will have time, and I want to support local artists.......so I was planning on giving her the ticket money on site right before the show, which will take place in roughly 10 days. One ticket is like 14 bucks, and she goes “no, can you send me a check, because I have to get everybody’s ticket at the same time, and everybody’s prepaying me?” ——- seriously? I mean, we’re all in our 40s, with solid careers, stable incomes, and she can’t wait for 15 bucks in cash for the next 10 days? Ugh. 

I hate petty people. It’s not like I’m not gonna repay her. Can anybody relate, or am I too “fluid”? (I’m not unreliable, everyone knows that, especially her (we’ve known one another for like ever), but omg - a check? It might not even arrive before we meet to see the show, jeez!) 

Makes me want to cancel the whole thing. Such a turnoff..... 

[Syd8]

I say cancel and tell your friend to f off. 

[basil67]

It can be so hard getting money off people after the fact.  Even grown adults who you'd think would be thoughtful and responsible.   I think it's entirely sensible of her to collect the money upfront than have to chase a handful who forget to pay.  

[Alpacalia]

If you're that turned off then you probably won't enjoy the comedy show.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Pumpernickel said:

 “no, can you send me a check, because I have to get everybody’s ticket at the same time, and everybody’s prepaying me?” ——- 

 -a check? It might not even arrive before we meet to see the show,.

Send her funds electronically if she needs to buy everyone's tickets enblock. Or bow out.

[Miss Spider]

Sorry. I agree with @basil. It can be hard to get money from people after the fact and no one wants to be that person. It might seem like only $15 but if everyone did that ? I said either pay for your own ticket ahead of time like everyone else or don’t go. 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ShyViolet]

Mailing a check?  She needs to get with the 21st century and learn to use Venmo.

I don't think it's unreasonable of her to ask to collect the money up front.  It's not just a transaction between you and her.  She is buying tickets for multiple people.  15 bucks a person can add up.  People can be very flaky and she doesn't want to be chasing people down to pay her back. If you don't like the way she is running this, then just don't go.  But I honestly think you are the one making a big deal out of nothing.

[amygirl908]

When I through my best friend's bachelorette party it was just easier to pay with one card everywhere we went and as the maid of honor I just took care of it.

Took one girl - easily the wealthiest of all of us - months to pay me back. It can be a pain to nail down people after the fact I don't think your friend is being petty.

[Pumpernickel]

I think it’s petty, and I would deal with it completely differently, as I don’t automatically assume my friends are all “flakes”. Oddly enough, she’s very frugal, and very diligent with money, but she herself has forgotten to repay me at least once - I remember a card and a pot plant that I bought as a gift for somebody’s housewarming party. We both signed the card, so the gift was from both of us. Did I say anything? No. I would find that petty. Oh and I’m not going. I will support local art at a different time. 

[Pumpernickel]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

Mailing a check?  She needs to get with the 21st century and learn to use Venmo.

I don't think it's unreasonable of her to ask to collect the money up front.  It's not just a transaction between you and her.  She is buying tickets for multiple people.  15 bucks a person can add up.  People can be very flaky and she doesn't want to be chasing people down to pay her back. If you don't like the way she is running this, then just don't go.  But I honestly think you are the one making a big deal out of nothing.

Not making a big deal out of it. No deal at all, actually. I just told her I won’t deal with mailing a check - that’s ridiculous - I will give her the cash $$$ directly. And yes, she did repeat that everybody’s paying her upfront and blah blah - I just said forget it. Not going. I really don’t have time for this nonsense.

Edited February 26, 2021 by Pumpernickel

[amygirl908]

8 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said:

I really don’t have time for this nonsense.

To be fair if you had already made up your mind about how you felt why did you reach out to the forums for advice?

Honestly you choosing not to go over a $15 ticket seems kind of petty to me.

Edited February 26, 2021 by amygirl908

[Miss Spider]

Yea making a thread about it and not going sounds a lot more petty than just cashapping your friend 15 bucks 

[Miss Spider]

22 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said:

I think it’s petty, and I would deal with it completely differently, as I don’t automatically assume my friends are all “flakes”. Oddly enough, she’s very frugal, and very diligent with money, but she herself has forgotten to repay me at least once - I remember a card and a pot plant that I bought as a gift for somebody’s housewarming party. We both signed the card, so the gift was from both of us. Did I say anything? No. I would find that petty. Oh and I’m not going. I will support local art at a different time. 

Sounds to me like there’s some history and beef w this friend and it’s not just this one incident. I would say if you really feel this way about them then it’s better if you’re just distant friends... which means tit for tat , paying for what’s yours and she pays for hers,.. no borrowing or I’ll get you laters.... 

[ShyViolet]

39 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said:

I just said forget it. Not going. I really don’t have time for this nonsense.

To be perfectly honest, this sounds more petty than what she's doing.

[Pumpernickel]

40 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Sounds to me like there’s some history and beef w this friend and it’s not just this one incident. I would say if you really feel this way about them then it’s better if you’re just distant friends... which means tit for tat , paying for what’s yours and she pays for hers,.. no borrowing or I’ll get you laters.... 

Not really “history and beef” —- I had actually completely forgotten about that incident (that one was years ago) until we had our little discussion yesterday. And then a few more came to mind....no big deal really. But you’re right, some distance will be in order. I just have no patience for some people. 😅😅

Edited February 26, 2021 by Pumpernickel

[flitzanu]

are you mad because you think it is petty for her to ask for cash up front and can't wait ten days?  or are you mad because you have this perception that she thinks you're not trustworthy enough to actually pay her back, and that she has some negative view of you?

[Pumpernickel]

@flitzanu - I am trustworthy & I am not mad, I just have no time to deal with issuing a check, putting a stamp on it, and putting it in the mailbox. It might not even arrive before I get there in person. The whole thing just makes no sense. Also - I don’t know for how many people they’re ordering tix - Can you imagine collecting 8 or 13 checks for 15$ each, they might all arrive on different days, then going to the bank, and depositing them one by one? On different days? Cmon! What a waste of time! They are overcomplicating and inconveniencing everyone’s life. I get impatient when I’m inconvenienced - yes. 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Pumpernickel

[basil67]

While I completely understand her wanting money upfront, I agree that the sending of a cheque seems seems onerous. (It's been years since I owned a cheque book).  I would have happily offered EFT payment but probably declined altogether if she was opposed to EFT.  

[Acacia98]

Personally, I'd just find out how to pre-purchase a ticket and get one for myself, i.e. if I really wanted to attend this gig and this thing with your friend was as complicated as you say it is. If I wasn't that interested in attending, I'd decline the invitation politely.

7 hours ago, Pumpernickel said:

Oddly enough, she’s very frugal, and very diligent with money, but she herself has forgotten to repay me at least once - I remember a card and a pot plant that I bought as a gift for somebody’s housewarming party. We both signed the card, so the gift was from both of us. Did I say anything? No. I would find that petty. 

You should have said something. It wouldn't have been petty.

3 hours ago, Pumpernickel said:

@flitzanu - I am trustworthy & I am not mad, I just have no time to deal with issuing a check, putting a stamp on it, and putting it in the mailbox. It might not even arrive before I get there in person. The whole thing just makes no sense. Also - I don’t know for how many people they’re ordering tix - Can you imagine collecting 8 or 13 checks for 15$ each, they might all arrive on different days, then going to the bank, and depositing them one by one? On different days? Cmon! What a waste of time! They are overcomplicating and inconveniencing everyone’s life. I get impatient when I’m inconvenienced - yes. 

Why do you assume she'd deposit them one by one on separate days?

[Pumpernickel]

1 minute ago, Acacia98 said:

Personally, I'd just find out how to pre-purchase a ticket and get one for myself, i.e. if I really wanted to attend this gig and this thing with your friend was as complicated as you say it is. If I wasn't that interested in attending, I'd decline the invitation politely.

You should have said something. It wouldn't have been petty.

Why do you assume she'd deposit them one by one on separate days?

Well if she waits until ALL checks arrive, trust me, it’ll be (long) after the event before she can deposit them all at the same time. So that defeats the purpose entirely, no? Therefore, I think my suggestion to hand her the cash AT the event would be the less cumbersome solution. 🤷🏼‍♀️ But whatevs

[Wiseman2]

Seems like you two have some bad history as frenemies. Why not pull back? 

Relegate this to the acquaintance folder and focus on more like minded friends.

If $14 is enough to cause this kind of rift and huff, why bother?

Edited February 27, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Blind-Sided]

You have to look at it from both sides.  Yes... as an adult with a good income... you should be able to float the $140 for the10 tickets.  AND... YOU may be the kind of person who will actually pay your friend next time you see them.   BUT... maybe SHE has a bunch of friends who has stiffed her in the past... or that they have to be nagged to pay back the money. 

Then again... this is a one sides story.  Have YOU forgotten to pay her back?  Have YOU been nagged to return money?  The only reason I'm saying this is... you are the one who is annoyed by it... so are your habits one sided?

I know there are STUPID responses above about tell your friend to p!ss off, and whatnot.  But the other side can be looked at too.  You are overreacting to this, and putting a negative cloud on the evening, and your friendship. So you say... "She is 40 with a good income"... but the other side is... "you are 40 with a good income" too.  Don't you have paypal, Venmo, or any other digital money app?  This isn't a new thing.  My paypal account is 22 years old. (Literally) I set it up my senior year of college to pay for ebay stuff.  

And finally... you don't know her exact situation.  Maybe she isn't doing as well as you think.  So... if she really is your friend... your response should have been.... "Sure, I'll send that to you now. What's your paypal account?"   And honestly, the only petty person I see in this is YOU.  Since you have a good income... why would it bother you? Send the money, and have a good time with your friends !!!!

Sorry for the reality check... but it had to be said.