My GF of 5 years moved out

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, tyb said:

Does it not even indicate that she is conflicted?

Not necessarily. 

It can suggest she's more wary of the unknown (being a single gal again) and a familiar past feels comfortable and nostalgic - but if her heart isn't it anymore, it doesn't hold much weight and isn't enough to see it through. It would more than likely not have amounted to more than talk, really. 

[Marc878]

1 hour ago, tyb said:

Thing is, she was all in the whole relationship, I got stagnant, I have trouble with this. I can’t deny I caused this. 

This is typical.

Most blame themselves in hopes that if they caused it they can fix it. Nope. 
 

Im sure she wasn’t perfect. Did her imperfections cause you to stray?

She left because she thinks she traded up.

Edited February 27, 2021 by Marc878

[tyb]

38 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

This is typical.

Most blame themselves in hopes that if they caused it they can fix it. Nope. 
 

Im sure she wasn’t perfect. Did her imperfections cause you to stray?

She left because she thinks she traded up.

I think her independency issues bothered me, and the clinginess/neediness, but I was proud to have her wherever I went. She was class personified. I didn’t have to worry about her morals. She was pure. She was chubby growing up and developed into a beautiful women. She made me feel great.

[Marc878]

6 minutes ago, tyb said:

I think her independency issues bothered me, and the clinginess/neediness, but I was proud to have her wherever I went. She was class personified. I didn’t have to worry about her morals. She was pure. She was chubby growing up and developed into a beautiful women. She made me feel great.

Sometimes you never really know someone. Her actions say a bit different.

Id take her off the pedestal.

Edited February 27, 2021 by Marc878

[Marc878]

8 hours ago, tyb said:

Yes, it’s her stepmom telling her to entertain the prosecutor most likely. She is all about money, but my ex is total opposite. This guy is like 45. Why rub that in my face?

It’s almost a 20 year age difference. She’s probably enamored with his position/money. It may or may not last. Even if it doesn’t there is no future there. You’d never be able to trust her again. 
 

We all want what we don’t have. 

[tyb]

10 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Sometimes you never really know someone. Her actions say a bit different.

Id take her off the pedestal.

And the sex was so so, what about her actions say differently? We don’t know for sure if she is entering a relationship with another man. All we know is he is interested and she got flowers from someone.

[tyb]

It’s day 5 nc. I feel like I’m getting the urge to want to reach out. I miss the friendship. I know you guys will so don’t, but I feel like the majority of exes here can even get their ex to speak with them. 

[Marc878]

16 minutes ago, tyb said:

And the sex was so so, what about her actions say differently? We don’t know for sure if she is entering a relationship with another man. All we know is he is interested and she got flowers from someone.

Your eyes aren’t fully opened. She’s dumped you after 5 years and all of a sudden is getting flowers and the other guy is on the scene.

I get it. Most in your position just don’t want to believe it. Wake up.
 

These scenarios happen all the time and are pretty much the same script.

GF isn’t happy. You can’t please her. It’s ll Your fault, etc. 

Read through a few. You’ll see the same story play out over and over. 

[Marc878]

5 minutes ago, tyb said:

It’s day 5 nc. I feel like I’m getting the urge to want to reach out. I miss the friendship. I know you guys will so don’t, but I feel like the majority of exes here can even get their ex to speak with them. 

Speak about what? Her new guy? 
 

It’s your life if you want to wallow in this. I wouldn’t. 
 

Some have to learn the hard way.

[Wiseman2]

On 2/26/2021 at 1:51 PM, tyb said:

She said she feels more validated at work and she looks forward to work more than coming home. She feels more confident there and she has been there about 2 years and just got a pay bump. My gf a couple months ago told me she told her that a lawyer in her office had a crush on my gf.

It may have been nothing you did or didn't do or could have done. It sounds like she met someone at work, didn't want to cheat, so moved out.

[Marc878]

12 minutes ago, tyb said:

It’s day 5 nc. I feel like I’m getting the urge to want to reach out. I miss the friendship. I know you guys will so don’t, but I feel like the majority of exes here can even get their ex to speak with them. 

If there was anything left you’d know it. Whenever you break NC you set the clock back to the beginning and get to start over again.

Plus when you chase they move farther away.  You do the needy, clingy it will make you look weak/unattractive.  

[Marc878]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It may have been nothing you did or didn't do or could have done. It sounds like she met someone at work, didn't want to cheat, so moved out.

I’d bet already cheated. They don’t just jump to someone else without trying it out.

[MsJayne]

If she wasn't into you she wouldn't have slept with you after she'd started staying at her dads. Her comment about your next partner reaping the benefits tells me that she felt taken for granted to the point that she felt invalidated by your relationship, as does her comment about feeling more validated at work than at home. It really sounds like the dynamics of the relationship have affected her self esteem.  The fact that she felt lonely in the relationship is really sad, and sorry, but it is a reflection of how you treated her. Lots of men do this and they don't realise how much damage is being done until it's too late, which is at the point that she comes to the conclusion that you can't possibly really love her and she should accept it and move on. It's a collection of small slights and hurts that eventually snowball into a big ugly lump of proof that you don't care about her.  If she has flowers from some other guy it's only because she's getting on with her life, don't take it too badly. Sorry to be a bit brutal, but I think she sounds like a sweetheart and you've made a huge, huge mistake. 

[tyb]

17 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

I’d bet already cheated. They don’t just jump to someone else without trying it out.

Thing is, she works with her stepmom, so her stepmom is telling her what she hears from the attorneys. My ex works in a different office.

 

As far as reaching out. She obviously wants to talk to me. We connect on another level. If I don’t apply pressure about getting back together, perhaps I could build that attraction back, and hangout with her. When she came over, she wasn’t flat rejecting me, maybe we can just kind of date and see what happens.

[Marc878]

3 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

If she wasn't into you she wouldn't have slept with you after she'd started staying at her dads. Her comment about your next partner reaping the benefits tells me that she felt taken for granted to the point that she felt invalidated by your relationship, as does her comment about feeling more validated at work than at home. It really sounds like the dynamics of the relationship have affected her self esteem.  The fact that she felt lonely in the relationship is really sad, and sorry, but it is a reflection of how you treated her. Lots of men do this and they don't realise how much damage is being done until it's too late, which is at the point that she comes to the conclusion that you can't possibly really love her and she should accept it and move on. It's a collection of small slights and hurts that eventually snowball into a big ugly lump of proof that you don't care about her.  If she has flowers from some other guy it's only because she's getting on with her life, don't take it too badly. Sorry to be a bit brutal, but I think she sounds like a sweetheart and you've made a huge, huge mistake. 

Nope. It has all the hallmarks of dumping him for her new guy. Just excuses for justification.

Blame-shifting is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.

[tyb]

7 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

If she wasn't into you she wouldn't have slept with you after she'd started staying at her dads. Her comment about your next partner reaping the benefits tells me that she felt taken for granted to the point that she felt invalidated by your relationship, as does her comment about feeling more validated at work than at home. It really sounds like the dynamics of the relationship have affected her self esteem.  The fact that she felt lonely in the relationship is really sad, and sorry, but it is a reflection of how you treated her. Lots of men do this and they don't realise how much damage is being done until it's too late, which is at the point that she comes to the conclusion that you can't possibly really love her and she should accept it and move on. It's a collection of small slights and hurts that eventually snowball into a big ugly lump of proof that you don't care about her.  If she has flowers from some other guy it's only because she's getting on with her life, don't take it too badly. Sorry to be a bit brutal, but I think she sounds like a sweetheart and you've made a huge, huge mistake. 

This feels spot on. Although I was never cruel. I do feel I made mistakes that I do believe can be worked on.

 

is there anything I can do?

Edited February 27, 2021 by tyb

[Marc878]

1 minute ago, tyb said:

Thing is, she works with her stepmom, so her stepmom is telling her what she hears from the attorneys. My ex works in a different office.

 

As far as reaching out. She obviously wants to talk to me. We connect on another level. If I don’t apply pressure about getting back together, perhaps I could build that attraction back, and hangout with her. When she came over, she wasn’t flat rejecting me, maybe we can just kind of date and see what happens.

Bud, the “pick me dance” never works. Neither does trying to nice them back.

She dumped you. Can you not see that?

[Marc878]

3 minutes ago, tyb said:

This feels spot on. Although I was never cruel. I do feel I made mistakes that I do believe can be worked on.

The hopium addiction. You’re seeing what you want to see.

Live and learn.

Edited February 27, 2021 by Marc878

[Marc878]

You’re panicked and grasping at straws. Worst thing you can do. 
 

Better wake up. 

[tyb]

I feel like I don’t deserve her. I want her to be happy, and as much as I beat myself up over it, it’s probably for the best.

[tyb]

I also feel like I should just submit to being there for her, I know being together won’t work out, but I do truly care about her and she doesn’t have many people. I just have to accept that we can’t be together. At least being her friend is something.

[Marc878]

20 minutes ago, tyb said:

I feel like I don’t deserve her. I want her to be happy, and as much as I beat myself up over it, it’s probably for the best.

From what you’ve posted she dumped you for a rich man almost 20 years older than her. 
 

She has that right. It’s her life but do you really want to be around someone that does this? From what I see you probably dodged a bullet. You really need to wake up to who she is.
 

[Marc878]

19 minutes ago, tyb said:

I also feel like I should just submit to being there for her, I know being together won’t work out, but I do truly care about her and she doesn’t have many people. I just have to accept that we can’t be together. At least being her friend is something.

Definition of friend = loyal, honest and trustworthy. She’s not your friend.

Why in the hell would you want to be around as she dates her rich 45 year old prosecutor? Plus she already has/is.

Do yourself a big favor. Read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. Its a free pdf download and short.

Your story is typical. Nothing special. No Contact is your only good path. 
 

Wake up or you’ll only make this worse on yourself.

[tyb]

2 hours ago, Marc878 said:

Definition of friend = loyal, honest and trustworthy. She’s not your friend.

Why in the hell would you want to be around as she dates her rich 45 year old prosecutor? Plus she already has/is.

Do yourself a big favor. Read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. Its a free pdf download and short.

Your story is typical. Nothing special. No Contact is your only good path. 
 

Wake up or you’ll only make this worse on yourself.

This same thing happened in my last relationship. Left me for an old rich guy. Only difference was that she was crazy and not marriage material. I feel like I just make girls do this at this point smh.

[Marc878]

42 minutes ago, tyb said:

This same thing happened in my last relationship. Left me for an old rich guy. Only difference was that she was crazy and not marriage material. I feel like I just make girls do this at this point smh.

Well obviously this one wasn’t either.  Go back over your thread.

Read the book. Many swear buy it.

No More Mr Nice Guy

You’ll realize you didn’t lose much.

Edited February 28, 2021 by Marc878