dcguy01 Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I am a closeted 20 year old college guy with a big problem. I've always had relationships with girls, that have never quite had the spark i'm looking for. I've had crushes on lots of guys, and been attracted to guys, but it was never anything I couldn't control. Last year I met a guy in a study abroad program, and we became fast friends. He was perfect. Good-looking, intelligent, witty, good-hearted, perfect in every way, and straight. We became roommates, and best friends, and I soon fell completely in love with him. When he would joke about girls he'd hooked up with, my heart would break. I'd feel as if somebody had punched me in the gut. It grew to the point that I think about him all the time, could see myself marrying him and living with him for the rest of my life. I truly believe that we are soul mates, and that doesn't often happen twice. He has become the most important thing in my life, but he has absolutely no idea. I had to restrain myself from taking peeks at him sleeping, from staring at his beautiful face just a bit too long, from allowing drunken evenings to spill my big secret. What should I do? I want so badly to tell him, hoping beyond hope that there is a small chance that he might feel the same way. But I fear that telling him would result in his freaking out, and losing the relationship we do have. It's tearing me up inside. To not have him in my life would be just unbearable. He's not really homophobic, but he is southern, and homosexuality is something that has never come up between us. As far as he knows, i'm totally straight. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
totallyhipgirl Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 The situation that you are in right now must be one of the toughest that I have ever heard of. Being in love with a friend is one of the most dangerous feelings to have, in my opinion. I have no idea what I would do in your case, but I think you should consider both options. You dont tell him - and you continue this amazing friendship you share with him, but live each day going crazy because he doesn't know how you feel. You tell him- and by chance things will go your way. On the other hand, like you said, you may weird him out and lose him all together. If you feel that your feelings are too strong to hold in any longer, you just might have to tell him and hope for the best. Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you, but the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcguy01 Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 Thank you for all the support and advice. It is a tough situation to be in, which is why I posted on here. For the forseeable future, at least, I'm not planning on doing anything. I'm 95% sure that he is straight, and to have him quite understandably freak out when he finds out this huge secret about his best friend would be too much. I think I would be nearly inconsolable if he were to disappear entirely from my life. I'm almost sure he is straight, but then again everybody thinks I am straight too. I am very straight-acting, and I don't think anybody suspects. I've only told one female friend, and she was absolutely shocked. I guess it's really just impossible to know. I wonder how widespread this phenomenon of "passing" really is. I know that until this particular guy came along, I was entirely prepared to ignore my inclinations for the rest of my life, get married and have children, have a "normal" life. Only with him, with this one person, was the feeling so strong I felt like I couldn't control it any more, constantly torn by love, joy, pain, desire, and sadness. Again, I truly believe that he is my soul mate. I know that he loves me too, but probably in a way that will always be insufficient. I guess where I'm going with this is that I will continue to play a "wait and see" game, hoping for a sign that I know will probably never come. Again, though, thanks for the advice. If anybody can think of a way that I could find out whether he is truly one way or the other without giving myself away, that would certainly be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
subliminal_girl Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Hi I'm 18 years old, female. And I'm in exactly the same situation. Now it's for almost one year and a half and I really don't know what to do. If you want to, you can mail me. Maybe it helps you to talk to someone who is going through the same... I know what you're talking about... It's so damn hard to deal with those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
subliminal girl Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 (edited) Hi I am 18 years old, female. And I'm in exactly the same situation. Maybe you want to mail me, cause sometimes it helps a little bit to talk to someone, who really knows what you're talking about... I know how hard it is to deal with those feelings. I've been going through this now for almost one year and a half. And I still don't know what to do... So, I would appreciate someone to talk to, too... Edited March 20, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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