mhankins4 Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 (edited) I make more than him. Let's start it off there but I am more humble. I bought my car 3 years old and saved 10k instead of going new. (15k for a small SUV) Husband bought a brand new 30k car, traded it in after 2 years and we lost 15k by trading it in.... so he could get a brand new 40k truck Than he refinanced this year and with "money saved" he bought a 9k dirtbike. He has a motorcycle... Harley Davidson that I bought him for 5k. Is is always talking about upgrading and adding additions and just talks nonstop about things that are expensive to the point I feel like I'm going through a panic attack. He even neglected his teeth and didn't go to a normal dentist for a year, even thought he has dental, than decided to go to an emergency doctor out of nowhere and spent $1,300. His mouth was bothering him for months but he just didn't want to take the time off work so I guess that loosing over a grand was more important than a half day's work... It has been eating at me how much he spends on himself. But what really gets me is how much he spends on me. After 6 years he finally decided me wherein a wedding ring from a failed marriage should be replaced... and got me a 30$ silicone glow in thr dark ring. I want a divorce.... I want it so bad. I'm just done... him spending so much is one thing but to see what my value is to him really hurts. I just spent 800$ on him and now I want to return one of the gifts that's 550 and the other I cant... because it was customized. I'm just hurt beyond hurt... and I feel like I'm being materialistic so I'm hating myself for being so upset. Am I justified to be angry? Edited February 27, 2021 by mhankins4 Add details Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 Of course you can be angry. This is why money is the bigger cause of divorce. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhankins4 Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Thank you. I feel crazy and insane that it's hurting me. And he said thr gift came from his heart and he got my favorite color. But it looks like a purple rubber band that glows and it's so tacky. And it is just painful. I showed him examples of what I wanted and everything was under 100$... I just didn't expect him to only keep the price value as the suggestion Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 42 minutes ago, mhankins4 said: I make more than him. This is probably the main issue. It is from where all the hurtful things he does comes from. He resents you. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhankins4 Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 I feel like I do so many things I don't care for, just to see him smile. But now I think he doesn't know who I am. And when I say I don't like these things he gets confused. I dont want to stop seeing him happy, but it would be nice if he returned the favor. It's also caused him to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on things I dont like, and when I ask for something it's always cheap.... and he is convinced I like cheap things because I'm not into name brand like he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 Have there always been arguments about money and spending? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) Maybe it is not really about the $. Because you make more, you could buy them for yourself? Maybe it is more about the significance of a gesture of buying you some thing more pricey versus a glow in the dark ring. You feel like he just doesn’t care or think of you much Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
hajk Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 @mhankins4, I'm sorry you are hurt and angry. He sounds like a taker and does not care about you or your feeling at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 If he's irresponsible with money and you don't have the same goals or values about how money should be handled, then you are not compatible. Money is the #1 cause of divorce. You are justified. Do what you have to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) On 2/27/2021 at 11:22 AM, mhankins4 said: I feel like I'm being materialistic You're not being materialistic. On 2/27/2021 at 11:22 AM, mhankins4 said: I'm hating myself for being so upset. Why? It doesn't help anything so let go of judging yourself and accept your feelings are what they are. On 2/27/2021 at 11:22 AM, mhankins4 said: Am I justified to be angry? Yes. I suggest rather than questioning and judging your feelings as wrong, that you instead accept your feelings as they are. Negative feelings indicate when something is wrong for us. Our feelings are our internal alarm system. It's up to us then to take corrective action! An analogy: If a fire alarm went off in the middle of the night in your home, would you get mad at the fire alarm for disrupting your sleep? Would you lie there for a while analyzing whether the fire alarm was working properly? Would you conclude that the fire alarm was 'disgracefully bad' for sounding the alert? Your anger is your internal fire alarm. Somewhere along the way someone taught you to mistrust your feelings because they wanted to assert their own selfish agenda above yours. They taught you to suppress your internal alarms so you would follow them instead, so they could get what they wanted. Could have been parent(s) or your spouse or both. You have to learn to trust your feelings (again). Edited March 1, 2021 by HadMeOverABarrel Clarifying phrase 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) Since you want to divorce him - and this relationship certainly looks one sided (with him benefitting) why not divorce him? when any relationship has run its course - it’s best to admit it’s over and get it finalized. trying to make it something it’s not - is just exhausting. you give and he takes... ya, that gets old really fast. Let him take from someone else. Edited March 1, 2021 by S2B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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