He is extremely selfish and self serving and does nothing wrong

[springlove28]

4 hours ago, MsJayne said:

I feel for you, he's very, very bad news. Like everyone says, either evict him via the correct process, or if you rent just work on getting your name off the lease. Your business is another story, I don't know how you will get out of that, it depends what sort of business it is, but by the sound of it he's coasting along on your life skills so he probably needs you a lot more than you need him.  Him gas-lighting you, (and he is), is a big worry as it's a common symptom of some types of mental health disorders, perhaps a chat with a qualified mental health worker would be a good support for you while you go through the separation process as your self-doubt is also a symptom, of being psychologically and emotionally abused.  A good way to establish that this is what's going on is that they always follow a pattern - they devalue and dispute your version of events, then follow up with a pretense of concern that you're imagining things.  All gas-lighters should be connected to a device that gives them a 1000vt electric shock every time they lie, it would make the world a better place. 

You are right on the money about my self doubt. I have never doubted myself like this. I guess I wanted the "old him" to come back, but today I realized that was never really him and I just didn't want to accept that. I should have picked up on the fact that according to him, all the women in his past are "crazy". 

[MsJayne]

17 hours ago, springlove28 said:

You are right on the money about my self doubt. I have never doubted myself like this. I guess I wanted the "old him" to come back, but today I realized that was never really him and I just didn't want to accept that. I should have picked up on the fact that according to him, all the women in his past are "crazy". 

Yes!!  They're all crazy because he drove them there.  You can't win an argument with a gas-lighter because they exist in a big bubble of BS where they're blameless and shameless, so it's best not to even engage in debate with them.  I really do suggest that you enlist some type of support while you disengage from him,  the more support you have the less chance he'll be able to manipulate you with accusations that you're over-reacting or causing drama. The thing about him keeping his stuff in a chest, that's so he can leave at any moment when you get added to the list of crazy exes, around the same time as you start really standing up to him and draw a line in the sand.  He's there for the free ride and that's all. Good luck girl, breathe fire all over him. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Yes, blaming all the exes is a sure red flag. After all, the best among us has done dumb, stupid, mean things in relationship. Heck, just getting in the relationship with "bad ex" means something is wrong, because you chose to get in the relationship. 

You are now paying for being passive. It really should not have come to this point. If you're worried about violence, you can also consult a domestic violence center. You want to google to find centers that counsel people on separating from potentially violent partners. There is a lot of wisdom out there that a lot of folks don't know about, wisdom about the best ways to leave when you're dealing with an abuser or a potential abuser. So police are not the only option. You can strategize right now. You could also go to a really good relationship counselor and meet a few times to get another brain working on your issue.

Next time, you gotta object and end things early on--as soon as the bad behavior shows one time. You really have to confront people then and there. If they are quality people, they will respond constructively. So you won't be running people off by confronting them early on. 

 

[springlove28]

Update: First I want to thank everyone for the support and advise. I dont EVER tell people (my friends or family) issues Iay have in relationships. I am a believer that should stay in your house. So to just talk about this has been more help then I ever thought. 

I took the advise and have taken action/non-action. This time I did not react. Like Wiseman2 said, I have removed the emotions, but made sure I am not being passive aggressive. He seems very happy and thinks everything is fixed.. It's like he believes he broke me and now I am just going let him do whatever and not going to complain. Kind of like I have become "compliant". I look at him like a roommate now....a roommate that I have filed eviction papers on today. He does not know it and I am just going to let them serve him and then he will be on his way out. I dobt want to fix anything and no longer worried about what will happen to him . I am almost excited. No more hostage situation here!  

Will update as things progress. 

Thank you, this has saved me. 

[basil67]

Thank you for coming back with a followup springlove. You've made a great start.   Please don't hesitate to reach out for support if he starts being problematic.

[Alvi]

Wow, this no way to live. This guy is a gaslighter. So, what is the update? Did you serve him the eviction papers? How did he take it?

On 3/5/2021 at 7:07 PM, springlove28 said:

I dont EVER tell people (my friends or family) issues Iay have in relationships. I am a believer that should stay in your house. So to just talk about this has been more help then I ever thought. 

I understand how you feel but  you do need to rely on other people sometimes. You do need to let someone you trust know what are you going though. A trusted relative or a friend. Perhaps, if you haven't done so, they could help you serve him the evection papers. Might be safer if someone could stay in your house till he leaves.

[Wiseman2]

On 3/5/2021 at 9:07 PM, springlove28 said:

 I look at him like a roommate now....a roommate that I have filed eviction papers on today. He does not know it and I am just going to let them serve him and then he will be on his way out. 

Fantastic. You'll be much happier with him out.

You're going about it in a resolute way that he can't obstruct or undermine.