primer Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) A man that was in a long-term relationship started calling and texting me when he was still living with his girlfriend. I don't think the girlfriend knew we were communicating. I was very short and stand-offish with him because I knew he was in a relationship. Recently the girlfriend kicked him out, he moved to his own place, and he is inviting me over and asking me to go out on dates with him. He was with his ex for eight years. It was only two weeks ago that he moved out. I like the guy but am hesitant to go out with him because his last relationship recently ended. What should I expect out of this? What would you do? Do you think he is really interested in me? Would I be his rebound? Should I care? Edited March 1, 2021 by primer Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 55 minutes ago, primer said: What should I expect out of this? What would you do? Do you think he is really interested in me? Would I be his rebound? Should I care? What do you think of him reaching out to you while in a long term relationship? He might be interested in you and you could also be a rebound both at the same time. People don’t make plans to have rebounds. I would keep your expectations in check. This likely won’t turn into a long term relationship, but if you’re fine with that, and seeing where things go then it is what it is. And should you care? Not really up to anybody but you to decide that.... Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, primer said: I like the guy but am hesitant to go out with him because his last relationship recently ended. His relationship recently ending is far from the only thing you should be concerned with. He cheated (or at least was willing to cheat) on his ex-girlfriend for whom he was with for 8 years. So for one, he can't be trusted. If he wasn't interested in her, the honorable thing to do would be to just break up at some point over the 8 years. But he didn't, he kept her along and wasted her time until he could find someone he liked better. So not only can he not be trusted, he's selfish and willing to waste peoples' time and emotional energy for his own advancement. Granted, I'm sure there's more context to this, but based on the way you've described it, he sounds terrible. If he does these things to someone else, why do you think it'll be any different with you? Edited March 1, 2021 by normal person 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author primer Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) My ex moved on fast and I did not think highly of that girl. She was a behavioral health therapist so she must have thought it was okay. She would know. Ugh! Now I find myself in the same situation. Edited to add: I read a lot of the posts on Loveshack. Oftentimes, people say when someone breaks up, they are free to do what they want. That means he is free to do what he wants. Edited March 1, 2021 by primer Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 1 hour ago, primer said: Oftentimes, people say when someone breaks up, they are free to do what they want. That means he is free to do what he wants. He is certainly free to do what he wants. But it doesn't follow that what he wants will be healthy for him or for whoever he gets involved with. I guess the question of whether to get involved or not comes down to what you're looking to get out of this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Who are you trying to convince, a bunch of internet strangers with varying degrees of intelligence/experience, or yourself? You and this guy are free to make your own decisions. I personally think he sounds like a loser for the reasons stated, but you're not obligated to listen to me or anyone here. Just because someone gives you advice doesn't mean it's good, or that you have to take it even if it is. Although it'd be interesting to hear your rebuttal because I thought I made a good point in my original post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author primer Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 1 minute ago, normal person said: Who are you trying to convince, a bunch of internet strangers with varying degrees of intelligence/experience, or yourself? You and this guy are free to make your own decisions. I personally think he sounds like a loser for the reasons stated, but you're not obligated to listen to me or anyone here. Just because someone gives you advice doesn't mean it's good, or that you have to take it even if it is. Although it'd be interesting to hear your rebuttal because I thought I made a good point in my original post. I don't have a rebuttal. I think he cannot be trusted. Calling me when he was in a relationship was a red flag. Although, a warm body would be nice. Perhaps I am trying to convince myself it would be okay. If a counselor gets involved in a rebound relationship, it must be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 12 minutes ago, primer said: Although, a warm body would be nice. If that's all you're after, and you don't care if he can be trusted or not, then what does any of it matter? Just do what you want. Who cares what anyone here thinks? 12 minutes ago, primer said: Perhaps I am trying to convince myself it would be okay. You obviously are because based on the very little you've shared, he sounds awful, and you started a thread about it. I just think you're worried about the wrong things. 12 minutes ago, primer said: If a counselor gets involved in a rebound relationship, it must be okay. Consider that being a counselor doesn't automatically mean someone has good judgment, values, or morals. It just means they were able to pass a test. People pass driver's license exams and still get into accidents. Just because someone has a job doesn't mean they're good at it, or that they make good decisions in other aspects of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author primer Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 I guess I was wondering if I was being too prudish and I should lighten up. By the sounds of it, I am not being a prude. I will stick to my values and morals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 1 hour ago, primer said: I don't have a rebuttal. I think he cannot be trusted. Calling me when he was in a relationship was a red flag. Although, a warm body would be nice. Perhaps I am trying to convince myself it would be okay. If a counselor gets involved in a rebound relationship, it must be okay. If you think he's bad news, he is. If you want a booty call, have at him but do not for one second think he's emotionally available or a good prospect for a LTR. Remember he didn't move out by choice. He was booted out, probably for cheating. It's unlikely that you were the only woman he was reaching out to. What do you mean by that last sentence, that if a counselor gets involved in a rebound relationship, it must be OK. Not every new relationship on the heals of a break up is a rebound. Some dumpers really go through weighing & balancing so that by the time they formally end the relationship, they are well & truly done. That would not be a rebound IMO. However, if you need a counselor to make a dating relationship work, just break up. It's not worth the money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 I'd be wanting to know the reason the girlfriend "kicked him out". Was it by any chance because he's a player? He sounds like bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author primer Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 15 minutes ago, MsJayne said: I'd be wanting to know the reason the girlfriend "kicked him out". Was it by any chance because he's a player? He sounds like bad news. He told me she went crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 50 minutes ago, primer said: He told me she went crazy. Well gee. . . if you find out your BF that you were living with was calling & texting other women for dates, do you think your reaction would be calm & sweet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 1 hour ago, primer said: He told me she went crazy. Yes, and I bet he helped her get there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 5 hours ago, primer said: My ex moved on fast and I did not think highly of that girl. She was a behavioral health therapist so she must have thought it was okay. She would know. The most dysfunctional man I came across was a therapist He was paid big bucks to advise couples on how to manage their relationship while he had broken and gotten back with his own crazy-gf 6 times in a year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, primer said: He told me she went crazy. Lol that’s what all f boys say about their exes. Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 20 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Lol that’s what all f boys say about their exes. It's what anyone who can't look at their own behaviour objectively says. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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