Sad, disappointed, hurt. Disgusted w myself!

[fallingsky]

This very day last year, I was waiting for an Uber and a man came over to ask me for a light and then started chatting (I don't smoke). When the Uber arrived he asked if he could give me his phone number. I said sure! With no intention of ever calling. I was healing from the 2nd breakup in a 4 year relationship and did not want to date. I was beginning to feel strong and happy again. He pulled the ol switcheroo and said, ok text me so I have your number. I thought, damn! I got hoodwinked! But maybe because I was in such a good mood, I went against my judgment and texted him. I thought nothing of it until I woke up to his text the next day.

We started chatting for a couple of days and then he asked my age. I had just turned 49. I knew he must be younger, but I was thinking 38-39. Turns out he was turning 33. After we revealed our ages I thought for sure he'd disappear. Or I would. This was way too young in my opinion. But he kept asking me on dates to which I'd decline. We live in the same neighborhood so it wasn't so easy to say no to a drink or coffee. I finally relented and he came to pick me up.

Well, when I look back, I was smitten after our first date.

And our second. And all the time we spent together moving forward. He seemed unlike any man I'd ever met.

A few weeks later, we were all being quarantined. We decided to quarantine together and it was the most wonderful time of my life, that I can remember. He was incredibly intelligent, sexy, unafraid, charming, conversational, interesting, we had so many similar interests. We'd talk and share and it felt so liberating. He treated me like the most beautiful woman on the planet. Like a goddess. I thought my goodness after all these years, here comes the love of my life! When quarantine was over we started taking small trips within a few hours of us. I felt like I was 20 years old. And insanely in love. Believe it or not, the age gap did not cause immediate issues. We look the same age. I feel young and am athletic and energetic. 

One day a few months into the relationship he tells me his ultimate dream is to be a father. My heart sank, as I was beginning menopause. I was married in my 20s and have two grown, beautiful daughters. I was crushed. I thought, if that is his ultimate dream, why is he saying this now? But, it was still early enough that if that was a deciding factor, I could wish him well and be on my way with minimal heartache. I was hoping he'd end it, because I didn't want to. I was completely and totally enamored. Looking back, I should've ended it right there. But, we continued to see one another. It became more passionate, more raw, more intense and I was 100 percent immersed knowing that at any moment he might dump me. I didn't realize how anxiety ridden I'd become, or how I'd drop everything at a moment's notice just to be in his arms. I realize this is my problem and not his, but oh what a tangled web we can weave when it comes to love.

Another factor is that he is an Orthodox Jew and I am Catholic. I was immersed in his world. He taught me so much and I met so many amazing people. He started talking to me about converting so we could get married. I said what about children?? He said we could visit a fertility specialist, and If I could not conceive, we could adopt or have a surrogate. My head was spinning. It had only been 6 months! But I was crazy about him. He seemed like a mystical, magical figure that appeared out of nowhere. I had never thought to marry again or have children at this age! But those seeds were planted and I was in love with what was sprouting. Even if I had rose colored glasses on.

Some time went by and he didn't bring up these things again. I had scheduled myself for classes to see if I truly wanted to convert religion. When I told him about it he got irritated. He started saying things like, it's too hard, it'll take too long.

He dumped me the first week of November, saying he wants to be a father and he won't let anyone take that dream from him. (???)

We got back together, and I dumped him the first week of December because I saw he was on a Jewish dating site, actively reaching out to women. Men, if you're a fcking cheater, please disable your notifications from your phone screen. I was relieved to have seen proof. But, of course, he talked me back into being with him again. Somehow, probably because when I want something, I will endure more than most people. He went on a trip to Miami over Christmas, with "friends". I didn't say anything when he posted a pic of drinks and some woman's purse next to them. I felt humiliated because at "my age" I should "know better". I told him I was sad that he planned this trip without me, and he said, "why, I don't celebrate Christmas". I said well, I DO! I started to talk myself again into leaving for good, but he got to me first.

When I read my story I am so embarrassed.

We dated a few more weeks, and suddenly he called me nonchalantly on a Tuesday afternoon in January saying we need to break up because he wants to be a father. He said this while chewing food. I cried. I didn't beg or plead. I felt stupid. I immediately set a date to get my things from his house, as I had been practically living there. I grabbed everything and he walked me to the door, asked if he could carry my things, and called me an Uber. While we were waiting he was trying to make small talk and I wanted to kick him into oncoming traffic. I said nothing. We were together 24/7 and this is how it ends.

My problem right now is detoxing him from my system. I am better than I was a month ago. He's reached out a couple of times but they are very superficial interactions. Every day I go through a gamut of emotions. I cry. I am angry. There were signs of cheating. He gave me HPV. I have had several sexual partners in my life and I have never contracted anything. When I told him, he nonchalantly said he had HPV 2 years ago but "knows" it "goes away" "after one year".  I said, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard and it's sad you don't take your sexual health seriously! I wanted to kill him but instead felt sorry for him because he seemed so uninformed. Can you believe that! I am waiting to have a colposcopy - what will I do if I get cervical cancer from this?

The saddest most pathetic part of it all is that I can't always shed the rose colored glasses and have felt too many times the urge to call him just to hear his voice. He did wish me a happy birthday via text a couple of weeks ago, to which I replied "thank you." I was in No Contact since 1/28 and I blew it with a response. His birthday is coming up at the end of March, and I find myself thinking, oh I'll call him then, or send him a card.... I mean, what the hell is wrong with me!!! I hate that he is taking up space in my soul and head. I tend to fantasize about the beautiful things, but it is mostly a projection of my own desires. I don't doubt that this man had very strong feelings and was very physically attracted to me. It definitely was a karmic connection. I've come to the conclusion that he has a lot of growing, learning to do, but I was 33 once, and I wasn't a cheater, or a deceiver, or a manipulator.

I guess I wrote this to clear my own head, and maybe for someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing by No Contact (also blocked him on social media. I know my triggers.). The younger me would have held on for eternity. I don't have that kind of time anymore, nor the energy. I'm just so, so, so very sad. Genuinely sad. Weeping sad.

[Cersei]

You 100 percent are doing the right thing! You should pat yourself on the back. 

[d0nnivain]

NC in this case is your best bet.  It was a fun Covid fling that got serious (quarantining together) due to the external lock down.  Absent the pandemic you would not have moved in so quickly.  This got intense too fast.  Your head always knew there were too many obstacles, especially his desire for his own bio children but the fun whirlwind of falling in love while the world was falling apart swept you off your feet.

[fallingsky]

17 hours ago, Cersei said:

You 100 percent are doing the right thing! You should pat yourself on the back. 

Thank you so much for saying that.

[fallingsky]

12 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

NC in this case is your best bet.  It was a fun Covid fling that got serious (quarantining together) due to the external lock down.  Absent the pandemic you would not have moved in so quickly.  This got intense too fast.  Your head always knew there were too many obstacles, especially his desire for his own bio children but the fun whirlwind of falling in love while the world was falling apart swept you off your feet.

You’re right. I could understand wanting children, but I wouldn’t be as upset if he hadn’t been seeking out other women while with me.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

I think he planned all along to use the "I want children" excuse to break up with you after he got his fun in. The fact that he was looking for more women behind your back suggests he bounces around.

I see a lot of blaming him here. You decided to ignore red flags and to not protect yourself from disease. You kept taking him back. Take responsibility for your choices, decide to learn from them and move forward. We have all made mistakes and bad choices, so you are certainly not alone.

[Noproblem]

He is an Aries you are an aquarius

Aries guys tend to be so in love from first sight, it's like a storm of love that come quickly and leave abrubtly, they don't care if you are younger or older, you are a new experience, but once they get bored, they go to the next.

It's sad that happened to you and you deserved better.

It's time for you to block him for good.

Also I don't feel anyone should convert to any religion for someone else. I think that's why we have secular government and marriage. 

Next time don't be weak and be stronger. Have standards and rules and don't bend them to anyone!

HPV can cause oral cancer, so be careful with the oral sex ok! 

What a garbage human being. I am sorry, you deserved better; you don't need to be embarrassed at all! You did nothing wrong except loving truthfully and being loyal and kind!

 

 

[fallingsky]

On 3/5/2021 at 1:23 PM, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

I think he planned all along to use the "I want children" excuse to break up with you after he got his fun in. The fact that he was looking for more women behind your back suggests he bounces around.

I see a lot of blaming him here. You decided to ignore red flags and to not protect yourself from disease. You kept taking him back. Take responsibility for your choices, decide to learn from them and move forward. We have all made mistakes and bad choices, so you are certainly not alone.

I agree with you on all counts. There’s still work for me to do on myself if I refused to end things knowing what I knew.

[fallingsky]

On 3/5/2021 at 8:34 PM, Noproblem said:

He is an Aries you are an aquarius

Aries guys tend to be so in love from first sight, it's like a storm of love that come quickly and leave abrubtly, they don't care if you are younger or older, you are a new experience, but once they get bored, they go to the next.

It's sad that happened to you and you deserved better.

It's time for you to block him for good.

Also I don't feel anyone should convert to any religion for someone else. I think that's why we have secular government and marriage. 

Next time don't be weak and be stronger. Have standards and rules and don't bend them to anyone!

HPV can cause oral cancer, so be careful with the oral sex ok! 

What a garbage human being. I am sorry, you deserved better; you don't need to be embarrassed at all! You did nothing wrong except loving truthfully and being loyal and kind!

 

 

Yes, I know this about Aries! I thought his Pisces moon might temper that.

Thank you for your clarity and kind words.

I had a follow up exam with my doctor, and I may have squamous cell carcinoma. I will know more in a week. None of this was worth endangering my health. Whatever the outcome I am moving forward with integrity.

[Noproblem]

13 hours ago, fallingsky said:

Yes, I know this about Aries! I thought his Pisces moon might temper that.

Thank you for your clarity and kind words.

I had a follow up exam with my doctor, and I may have squamous cell carcinoma. I will know more in a week. None of this was worth endangering my health. Whatever the outcome I am moving forward with integrity.

I am so sorry about that I really hope it's not squamous cell carcinoma. There are other diseases that can manifest like that, but better check and make sure what you have as soon as possible. Please keep us updated.

Pieces guys are fickle too!

 

[fallingsky]

Updating that my exam came back 100% clear. I am stunned and so grateful.

 

[RJ09]

I feel you. Some men would voice out their dreams so easily and tell you they want you to be that foundation. When you try to be objective, they become offended. And then you go through all the logistics and convince yourself you could give him everything he wants. Then he just dumps you in the end. And you're left hanging wondering how he could have talked of life and family together for like forever and just easily forget it? So you're not only hurt, but feel dumb too

Edited March 20, 2021 by RJ09