Bakus1100 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 I have been in a relationship for the past year and i am looking for advice from people on whether I made the right decision to leave. Here is the background information: After coming out of a 9 year relationship i met a girl from work and began to hit it off. I still had a house with my ex and it was up for sale which the new girl i was dating fully new about. She accused me of cheating on her when we went out drinking. I cannot remember anything when i get drunk but what i do know is i have never cheated in my life and very against it. She then gave me a black eye and busted jaw after this accusation. Multiple times she has thrown all my belongings out on the street and sometimes kept some items and wont return them. She smashed my work laptop in anger when i did not show her my phone because she didnt trust me when i said i was talking to my ex regarding the house Multiple times she has accused me of hiding details or being dishonest regarding the smallest of details about what i am doing. I would tell her the details of what i was doing but wouldnt go into full on details for example i was helping a friend move which she knew about but i didnt tell her a detailed plan. 3 months into the relationship she hinted to her 4 year old son to call me dad and ever since that i have been labelled as his dad which added so much pressure. She would accuse me of staring at other girls in the street when i am a person who just day dreams alot. If i had done something at work where i fixed something for a women and they said thanks or youre the best she would accuse my of hiding when i was just doing my job. I confronted her and said well what if a man said this. She said thats irrelevant. Everytime the relationship has failed or ended she has called me names and say that i have failed. Its all my fault. On all times i have been the one to go back and make the effort to bring us back together. At no point did she ever try to win me back. I have self harmed and considered suicide at times through this relationship as i believe i have been the one that has failed or i can be the one that can change to make things better She never shown any support on the transition of me selling my house i had with my ex. At times she wanted my to cut all ties even though i had this house outstanding. At all times i stood by and backed her in everything regarding her past. She has massive anxiety due to a difficult past and this has created anxiety in myself as i constantly think i have done something wrong. I would appreciate any feedback as multiple times a day i feel the need to go back as i believe i can change this or i have done something wrong or let them down. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 Your ex is abusive. Emotionally and physically abusive. She is attempting to emotionally manipulate you, in a way common to abusers. You absolutely made the right decision leaving her. None of her problems justify the way she's behaved or what she's done to you. You are not responsible for her life. Only your own. Please consider professional counselling for this. It sounds like you're showing all the common hallmarks of abuse, that often lead victims back to their abusers. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 Of course leaving was the right thing. Do not second guess that. This relationship was completely toxic and abusive. You need to work on yourself. Get into therapy and get help for your drinking. You're not ready to be in a relationship until you get yourself some help for these issues. Link to post Share on other sites
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