Seliana Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 6 hours ago, Pearly said: Lol thank you!! I am not in a "catfight" ~ she's a nut cake. I've ignored her. he is in my bed. He chose me if he even cheated at all regardless - I win Not every infraction warrants a divorce I am glad he saw she is an idiot and what secrecy can do to a marriage What's the point in winning if the prize sucks? 1 hour ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: "Don't get mad. Get even!" No, no. Just kidding! Watch him like a hawk though. That'sexhausting and ultimately not worth it. I'm speaking as someone who's BTDT and ended up divorcing my exH. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SRCSRC Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 I am not clear whether you are or are not pursuing a divorce. If the issues is whether he cheated, may I suggest that you demand he submit to a polygraph exam. Simply the request and his reaction can reveal a lot. If he is extremely belligerent to the request, that speaks volumes. If he freely agrees and is willing to do anything to prove his innocence, that also is a strong indication there was never a physical affair. If you are divorcing him regardless of what happened with the AP, then you don't need to bother unless you need more information to solidify your desire to divorce. Good luck to you whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 55 minutes ago, Seliana said: That'sexhausting and ultimately not worth it. I'm speaking as someone who's BTDT and ended up divorcing my exH OP has already stated she's not going to divorce him and that she believes he has learned his lesson. Others here (incl myself) would push more to hold him accountable (up to and including divorce). Seems OP is not at that stage currently, which is why I (for one) am encouraging her to stay vigilant. At least with vigilance she can look after her interests and make good choices should she get additional evidence that would change her approach (rather than the ghastly alternative of sticking one's head in the sand which has not yet been ruled out). Everyone has their own methods in their own time based on their own individual tolerance for discomfort. So it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Seliana Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 9 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: OP has already stated she's not going to divorce him and that she believes he has learned his lesson. Others here (incl myself) would push more to hold him accountable (up to and including divorce). Seems OP is not at that stage currently, which is why I (for one) am encouraging her to stay vigilant. At least with vigilance she can look after her interests and make good choices should she get additional evidence that would change her approach (rather than the ghastly alternative of sticking one's head in the sand which has not yet been ruled out). Everyone has their own methods in their own time based on their own individual tolerance for discomfort. So it is. I understand and I hope she's good with life being a marriage warden. His attitude amidst all of this "drama" is odd, almost like he enjoys being the center of attention doesn't look good. Anyway, her life, her choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Pearly said: If MY friend had tangible evidence that implicated me BUT I was innocent, I think it would be EXTREMELY selfish and self-centered to watch my friend crumble and her marriage to potentionally end in divorce over a misunderstanding. That is BEYOND cruel and selfish. If there's tangible evidence, then there can be no misunderstanding. Conversation would be pointless because you know the truth. The friend should be dispensed with promptly Edited March 4, 2021 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MilaVaneela Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, Pearly said: Oh wow! Psychotic! I am so sorry. where do these women get off? Not to mention Marriage is a legal contract ... gross! you would think they’d crawl away in shame Well, she had prior substance abuse issues and a history of violent behavior, including a criminal record. I just happened to end up in the line of fire that time. For the record I hold my xH accountable for the infidelity. That was his fault. Her? I hold her accountable for the harassment, violence, and in part for the STD because she was irresponsible with her own sexual behavior and who knows how many other people were affected besides me. (To be fair though, if xH hadn’t engaged with her in the first place I wouldn’t have been in her sights. Still doesn’t excuse the fact that she made the choice to behave that way, just as her behavior doesn’t excuse the fact that X cheated in the first place.) Edited March 5, 2021 by MilaVaneela Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pearly Posted March 5, 2021 Author Share Posted March 5, 2021 1 minute ago, MilaVaneela said: Well, she had prior substance abuse issues and a history of violent behavior, including a criminal record. I just happened to end up in the line of fire that time. For the record I hold my xH accountable for the infidelity. That was his fault. Her? I hold her accountable for the harassment, violence, and in part for the STD because she was irresponsible with her own sexual behavior and who knows how many other people were affected besides me. (To be fair though, if xH hadn’t engaged with her in the first place I wouldn’t have been in her sights. Still doesn’t excuse the fact that she made the choice to behave that way.) Exactly! If both Women and men respected the Marital boundary none of us would be in this position. Of course it’s the cheating spouse that’s a total idiot but he had a willing idiot to play with. If both men and women respected boundaries we would not be in this position. Of course it’s the Spouse That had allowed it but he had a willing participant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 On 3/2/2021 at 7:05 PM, Pearly said: Yes, it's in the works. It's a legal thing. Hers fell through and my lawyer said to hold mine because it looks retaliatory, but we have all her psycho-ness documented. It is so odd. She's my friend. . . What the heck happened? She was never really your friend. She wanted your husband so she got close to you for the excuse to be around him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pearly Posted March 5, 2021 Author Share Posted March 5, 2021 1 minute ago, usa1ah said: She was never really your friend. She wanted your husband so she got close to you for the excuse to be around him. That occurred to me last night. It’s funny you would say that... that’s what I am thinking, too. I am SO mad at myself for being so naive. Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 This story feels really familiar. Pearly, when did all this happen? Link to post Share on other sites
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