Brokenlove80 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) I am in a situation I met a guy online all I am married. I was not happy in my marriage and was looking to leave for a while I made a connection with this guy and fell in love very quickly it was mutual we had made plans to meet that I told my husband everything and he gave me an ultimatum that I would have to move out and the kids stay with him and it just made everything so difficult so I decided to stay in the marriage for now but now this guy is heartbroken and won’t talk to me I still love him so much and need to know what to do Edited March 2, 2021 by Brokenlove80 Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 16 minutes ago, Brokenlove80 said: I am in a situation I met a guy online all I am married. I was not happy in my marriage and was looking to leave for a while I made a connection with this guy and fell in love very quickly it was mutual we had made plans to meet that I told my husband everything and he gave me an ultimatum that I would have to move out and the kids stay with him and it just made everything so difficult so I decided to stay in the marriage for now but now this guy is heartbroken and won’t talk to me I still love him so much and need to know what to do Consult an attorney and find out your rights. Unless you live in a country where women have few rights, then I guess your husband cannot legally force you out of your home and stop you from seeing your kids. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 In some cases, it might make a difference. But in the US, an affair is not grounds for loss of custody of children. I agree with Elaine, consult an attorney. Before you do anything else. Leaving the house might have consequences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 One thing is for sure, you two need time apart. That means one of you must leave, not saying who and he can't keep the kids from thair mother. Like Ealaine Said try to get legal advice. And take your time and be carefull with your choises. Remember the Grass is'nt allways greener. Best of luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-shards Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 1. Are you deep-down absolutely sure this guy is THE ONE?. I know our Respectable Culture laughs at "The One" stories, but you really need to do some soul searching, assuming you have those abilities. The word "quickly" is a bit of a ref flag, not that I deny ALL cases of love at first-ish sight (or read). What exactly about him caused you fall in love? How long have you known each other? How long have you had this certainty that you love this man? 2. If yes, is he open and available to walk into the sunset with you? ("Doing the Disney'). 3. If yes, will leaving your kids behind, or just splitting their family, rain on your Disney Parade to any extent? You are asking for advice from Internet strangers but offer little to no data. Posters are missing pretty much everything - so no advice here would have much weight, really, unless you're looking for the conventional directions (go back to your M, stop the fantasy, be a good girl). You need to be realistic about the options: What does future with H look like? Future with this man? Are there any in between options, such as friendship with this man? Think of pro-s and cons etc. Only you have all the data. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamer2017 Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 Harry is absolutely correct. The grass is very seldom greener on the other side. You recently met this guy and you are in love? You have posted that your AP very easily stops talking with you and cut contact once you said you are not leaving. Maybe he has eyes on another victim. Some of the posters will recommend seeking an attorney immediately. I would advise you to relax and think with a level head. Maybe consider Marriage counseling either to restore your marriage or to facilitate and divorce. Best, Dreamer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) On 3/2/2021 at 8:49 AM, Brokenlove80 said: I am in a situation I met a guy online all I am married. $1,000,000 question. Have you met in person? If not, while I realize how intoxicating on line interactions can sometimes be, I would highly advise you to not break up your marriage until you have met Mr. On Line in person and spent a substantial amount of time with him. If you have met and spent time in person, and are certain of your love for him, then contact an attorney asap and talk with him/her about your rights and how best to proceed. Good luck! Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: $1,000,000 question. Have you met in person? If not, while I realize how intoxicating on line interactions can sometimes be, I would highly advise you to not break up your marriage until you have met Mr. On Line in person and spent a substantial amount of time with him. If you have met and spent time in person, and are certain of your love for him, then contact an attorney asap and talk with him/her about your rights and how best to proceed. Good luck! nope!!! DO NOT tredemølle that ground before separate bc then your on shady ground. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Harry Korsnes said: nope!!! DO NOT tredemølle that ground before separate bc then your on shady ground. I'm sorry? I'm slow today, nope to what? And what does "tredemølle that ground before separate" mean? Thanks a bunch. 😆 EDIT: Disregard, I figured it out Harry K. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I'm sorry? I'm slow today, nope to what? And what is tredemølle? Thanks a bunch. 😆 Nope to not presise this before thair done with eachother Link to post Share on other sites
SRCSRC Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 Whether you want to end your marriage should have nothing to do with another man. First of all, it sounds like you have not even met him in person. If you haven't, your "love affair" is pure fantasy. You end your marriage because it is not working and you want out. You don't do it for a fantasy. There are so little details on what is going on in your marriage, no one in this forum can give you advice what to do. But, you seemed to have buckled once your husband gave you an ultimatum. That makes little sense. Either you want to leave or not. Leaving because you think you found a better deal is kind of sickening. It kind of looks that way or you would be pursuing a divorce separate from all of this other nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 On 3/2/2021 at 11:49 AM, Brokenlove80 said: I told my husband everything and he gave me an ultimatum that I would have to move out and the kids stay with him and it just made everything so difficult so I decided to stay in the marriage Your husband is buffing. If you are legally married he can't make up the rules. It's unclear why you told him. Was it in lieu of threatening divorce? Or a tactic to escape this control and abuse? You're much better off talking to an attorney and therapist confidentially (do Not tell your husband) about the abusive marriage and how to divorce and get out legally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BreakOnThrough Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 Fantasies are not reality, never mix up the two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 On 3/3/2021 at 12:49 AM, Brokenlove80 said: I was not happy in my marriage and was looking to leave for a while I made a connection with this guy and fell in love very quickly it was mutual we Is that backwards? Makes more sense if you "Were not happy in your marriage after you made a connection with this guy and fell in love with him???" What ever, it matters not!!! What does matter? You have fallen in love with a man you are not married to. I'm thinking your H and you married young? Everything you have you have worked together for?? I'm also thinking your H has given you everything he has. There was no reason for you to stick around, until he said move out and leave the kids. Funny how that happens.... H gives you everything he has (what's his is mine and what's mine is my own) and you look around for more until you realize it's not all yours.... Don't worry, in most western counties it still is all yours, the courts will side with you and H will pay for you to fight him for it!!! Hey, you just have to make a child abuse charge stick and he will be in prison getting raped by Bubba until your youngest is out of collage... Con: H can't pay child support when in prison.... Did you want total child custody or share with child support? This happens heaps and the courts are ready for you to use this.... Next Point: You love your children and can not leave them. What would ever make you think your internet lover would ever want a ready made family? Why would he want any part in another man's children? Because he said he would??? Ha ha, ya, Ok.... For the most part single mum is -5 on the SMV count. (So, if you were an 8 - 5 = 3 SMV. (if she was above an 8 she would not be looking on the internet for a replacement for H, she would have heaps of RL suiters). I know, a 3 will still try to get the top 20% of guys but will most likely only be pump and dump material.... She likely doesn't know that.... Note: You are not single mum, you are married mum..... This is likely what he wants anyway.... Why buy the cow??? Just use someone else's..... You have never met this man, he has never met you or your kids. You have given your heart to him. You were ready to toss your H and the father to your children away for the projection of someone better than you already have. Does anyone know of a better example of hypergamy??? Looking for the bigger better deal!!!! On 3/3/2021 at 12:49 AM, Brokenlove80 said: I decided to stay in the marriage for now but now this guy is heartbroken and won’t talk to me I still love him so much and need to know what to do You decided to stay in the marriage. Why would he waste his time talking to you? He was talking to you because he wanted a R with you (ONS is a R), you rejected him. (In MO) Men only have female orbiters with the hope of having sex with them. Once that hope is gone there is no need to keep in contact with you. Maybe an Incel basement dweller.... PS: Good on your H for having a stand on your bad behavior!!! That action alone earns my respect for him. He now has an up hill battle..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bananatree Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) Haha @Caauug I agree with you on this! You are a very funny writer btw. You should start like a podcast or something (not joking!). If you want to entertain yourself with on online EA in the context of an unhappy marriage, I won't judge. But your thinking that this person is The One to leave your family for is not right thinking. I'm curious about a couple questions. Does this person live in another country? Are they looking for someone to "sponsor" them to immigrate to your country? Or is this person in the military or an oversees engineer or doctor? Did this person profess love very quickly (love-bomb?), has this person ever asked for money? Does this person want to meet up in person? Have you made a plan to do so? Does this person send you good morning texts? Does this person send you songs all day long? Does this person care about what you have had for lunch/dinner? Did this person talk about some kind of tragedy that happened to them that pulled your heart strings? Does this person talk about you and them being "soulmates." Does this person flatter you with adorable pet names? Does this person send heart emojis all day? This is typical behavior from online Internet Romeos who are usually looking for something. This doesn't mean they are all bad. But some are scammers who get away with hundreds of thousands of dollars from victims who fall for this. I had an online Internet Romeo. It was actually a very positive experience and we did meet up once. It was great for the first couple days and then turned... weird... for the last day we were together. This person was not Mr. Right, but I did enjoy my romance with him. It was a welcome distraction among a lot of tumult in my life. Just be careful. There are warehouses and offices full of professional Internet Romeos. And other guys who aren't bad, just on the hunt for something. They have learned psychological tricks to make you fall in love quickly. They will very quickly ask for some kind of commitment because they have a hard deadline they need to meet of some kind. And when you commit that you are theirs, you will be in for an even tougher psychological corner once they start asking for things. So, in conclusion, I concur with previous posters. If you want to leave your husband because you are unhappy in your marriage, then leave. But don't leave for this guy. Edited March 12, 2021 by bananatree 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 I think you should treat leaving your husband and this thing with this guy as two separate things Look into your options Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 On 3/3/2021 at 7:33 PM, Dreamer2017 said: Harry is absolutely correct. The grass is very seldom greener on the other side. You recently met this guy and you are in love? You have posted that your AP very easily stops talking with you and cut contact once you said you are not leaving. Maybe he has eyes on another victim. Some of the posters will recommend seeking an attorney immediately. I would advise you to relax and think with a level head. Maybe consider Marriage counseling either to restore your marriage or to facilitate and divorce. Best, Dreamer Depends😀 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 17 hours ago, bananatree said: Haha @Caauug I agree with you on this! You are a very funny writer btw. You should start like a podcast or something (not joking!). I just speak my mind, (No, I hold back big time really...)sometimes other posters don't like what I write. The Mods dish me out "Friendly reminders" and delete my posts continually. I really am surprised I have not been band yet. I treat this forum as entertainment only now, it has served it's purpose for me. I really am grateful I did find LS, it was the start of a very long enlightening journey..... Podcast or something: No. My true views are very looked down on. You tube has taken down some very good channels, mine would not last long. (Maybe the same Mods work at YT and here?) Reddit still has some good content up, but the pages are quarantined. Back to topic: 17 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I think you should treat leaving your husband and this thing with this guy as two separate things ^^^^YES^^^^^ I AGREE!!!! But it is a lot easier to monkey branch to be with the "Bigger Better Deal".... To leave H first would mean she would be single for a period of time.... What girl in her right mind wants to be a single mum fighting against the world??? Easier to swing on a vine from one bed to the other.... I don't think BF wants her to leave.... He doesn't want the responsibility of a family, or much more than a lover.... He just wants fun times.... Link to post Share on other sites
bananatree Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Caauug said: I don't think BF wants her to leave.... He doesn't want the responsibility of a family, or much more than a lover.... He just wants fun times.... I'm not even sure BF is real. Fantasy man from the Internet could really be anything. And even if he were real and is a genuine man who has feelings for OP, I agree he wouldn't even have any idea about the reality of OP's situation. He's in a fantasy too. When you have kids, you really can't start planning your future based on a fantasy lover. If you are single, not married, no kids, sure, you can check out Internet Romeo and see what he's all about. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won't. But with kids, you have to be careful who you bring into their lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappilyMarried Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 On 3/2/2021 at 11:49 AM, Brokenlove80 said: I am in a situation I met a guy online all I am married. I was not happy in my marriage and was looking to leave for a while I made a connection with this guy and fell in love very quickly it was mutual we had made plans to meet that I told my husband everything and he gave me an ultimatum that I would have to move out and the kids stay with him and it just made everything so difficult so I decided to stay in the marriage for now but now this guy is heartbroken and won’t talk to me I still love him so much and need to know what to do Wait a minute you are in love (so much) with someone you have never met in person before. I don't mean to be rude but are you like 15? You are considering leaving your family over? What would you expect your husband to say sure go ahead. If you really want to do this I would consult an attorney and see what your rights are. You have officially committed adultery yet, I would say you could probably sue for divorce and get primary custody of your kids then get with your online guy. The other option is try and work on your marriage to see if you guys can work out your issues. It's really pretty simple one or the other. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
HappilyMarried Posted April 11, 2021 Share Posted April 11, 2021 Hey @Brokenlove80not heard anything for almost a month any update? What did you decide? Link to post Share on other sites
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