whereismylifegoing Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 ok i am sick and tired of my ex ****ing with my head. please help me somebody. i dated my 21 year old girlfriend for five years and she dumped me to be SINGLE. does anybody know what the hell that means? i know she isn't seeing anybody. but do all girls do this because it seems like alot of people are doing that these days. she will call me and say she'll call me back and never does then will call me during the week to say hi. i don't really feel like talking to her anymore until she makes up her mind (if that day ever comes). does anybody have any super duper good advice to help me get over that damn money sucking women! she want's to stay friends and tells me "how can we ever try again if we can't even be friends?". but it seems like she never want's to hang out. i can't believe i'm even like this because i thought i was the last person to ever act like a little bitch. i did the NC thing for a while and it only made her call me and tell me this BS. i don't know what her intentions are. i'm wondering if i should just say "listen, if you don't want to try to work things out, i don't want to talk to you. if you decide that you are ready again, you'll know how to get a hold of me". the only thing that makes me feel good is that she didn't leave me for another guy. so i would say that she thinks about me all the time and mabey later on down the road we can try again. but i'm afraid if i do cut her off that she is going to totally forget me and then i'll be wondering "what if". HELP I'M GOING TO JUMP! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Your ex suffers from a disease that afflicts most girls at the age of 21. It's called "I want to live my life and see what I'm missing before I settle down with anyone." If you stick around here long enough, you'll see plenty of examples that match your situation perfectly. Don't wait up for her. Just do your own thing, and refrain from contacting her in any way, shape, or form. Don't accept her calls (or text messages) either, until she's ready to resume where you left off. If you don't want to be friends, more power to you. Why torture yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
jomaxfury Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Westernxer is right, Why be with someone who isn't sure if she wants to be with you, even after 5years. 5 years was not enough for her to realize what you meant to her. My advice to you is to give her space, let her see if the grass is really greener on the other side. When you give someone space shows that you are not selfish... Let them have there fun...let them realize what they lost. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 If shes 21 now, that means she was what -- 16 when you first began dating? WOW thats pretty young...when I think back to when I was sixteen I was in a highschool-sweetheart relationship for two years and got dumped because HE wanted to be single (ironic?) but you know what? I got together with him a few years later to have a drink (obviously after 21 so quite a few years later) and THANKED him for doing what he did, because I would never have been strong enough to let go of the relationship that was clearly going to end inevitably. Relationships that start so young at age generally dont last because people change dramatically as they grow. I did tremendously, in fact if he hadnt dumped me I'd be a wreck right about now, wondering if being with him was the thing to do, or if there was more out there I deserved. At this point, all you can really do is reflect on the great years you shared, smile, brush yourself off, and realize that this is not your fault that the relationship ended. You cannot help what another is feeling, only how you feel. So dont allow yourself to fall in to a slump and waste precious time, simply work on healing yourself back to your best self, and get out there to find the girl who DOESNT want to be single, she wants to be with YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 ps...but i'm afraid if i do cut her off that she is going to totally forget me and then i'll be wondering "what if"bunny Please remember this : you spent a LONG time together, I'm sure you were very special to her and will always hold a place in her heart. She will NEVER forget you, even if she wanted to Not that she would, but that should be the farthest concern right now...worry about yourself!!! Look at it this way --- if you enforce NC, STRICT NC, she will be forced to miss you and will decide once and for all if she wants to stick with you. In the meantime, you can begin getting yourself ready for the next lady to come your way. At least there wasnt deceit involved, so you have a good chance of remaining on good terms once you've both passed the phase where youre still bitter about the other's actions (ie -- you calling her a money hog or whatever shows your bitterness loud and clear) AND MAYBE someday in the future picking up where you left off. Dont fall in to the "lets be friends" trap. Why, so you can watch/listen to her stories of being single? So you can be around one day when her friend asks her, "how was ur date last night with that hot guy you told me about?" Dude, spare yourself the heartache and wasted time and just let her go. You can be friends later...there's ALWAYS a "later". Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 16, 2005 Author Share Posted October 16, 2005 so you guys are saying it's over and done with and move on? well.... that sucks, all that time for nothing..... this was our first time breaking up and her big excuse was "i want to see if you are the right person for me". what a load of ****. i can't blame her though, because i was curious a long time ago but decieded to stick around. i guess i wont talk to her ever again. do you think i should let her know what i'm doing. oh crap her birthday is coming up.... i would have thought that this was going to last. things seemed so perfect but i guess it was because we started to pick at each other and the fact that she could go out to the bars. she's like i need to do this for myself and all other kinds of bull. hey! i have more money though Oh by the way..... when i don't talk to her for a while she always says i need to hear your voice. i think it drives her crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 ...that sucks, all that time for nothing... Nonononononono... You're forgetting the fact that you actually did have some good times, you learned a lot about relationships, and regardless, five years would have passed whether you were with her or not. So chill. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Your solution is to date an older woman. Ashton Kutcher and I are onto something here. Link to post Share on other sites
suunto Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 imo she really likes you but maybe doesn't love you, she wants love and just doesn't feel it, do your own thing and in time you'll know how she truly feels, but if she does come back to you, be stronger and don't let her call the shots all the time, otherwise you'll just break again. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, send out a posse of bounty hunters to track it down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 16, 2005 Author Share Posted October 16, 2005 So straight up NC? NOTHING AT ALL. Will do. i guess if she really wants to get a hold of me, she knows where i live. She says she loves me but needs to do this for herself. i gave her no reason to leave. that's why it sucks so bad. i treated her good, gave her money, time, respect, honesty, and all for what? her wanting to go see if the grass is greener. i hope she steps in dog poop when she is walking through the grass over there. hope fully she has her good shoes on too! Link to post Share on other sites
suunto Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 imo giving her money, time, respect, honesty was the problem, i'm in a similar situation, the more i gave the more she took, now i look back, i went from being a man to someone waiting to see what she wanted, it was the wrong move, she pushed and i gave in, its not how i am with other people but i was with her, so now i take no $hit from her and she's now a better friend than she ever was a girlfriend. we both go to a badminton club so i can't avoid her but i don't want to either because i know her ex won't speak to her and i always thought that he was being weak, so i've always been her friend but now i don't run around after her like i used to and she comes to me, i wish she could have been like she is now when we were going out. imo give her your friendship when you have time, put you first and see what happens Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 16, 2005 Author Share Posted October 16, 2005 Last thing, she told me that she loves me, but isn't in love with me or anybody. does that mean anything? And that she's not getting into a relationship until she is ready. i give her a few more months and she'll break! i think she totally bugged herself out by wanting to get married and have kids and other $hit and this is her way of getting her last few years of being young in. at least that is why i think she still calls me once every week to say "hi" and give me other reasons to talk. you can't stay single forever......i know for a fact that she can't. i start the full NC today wish me luck people. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 she told me that she loves me, but isn't in love with me or anybody. does that mean anything? It means you need to find someone willing to meet you halfway. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 ...what westernxer said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 16, 2005 Author Share Posted October 16, 2005 i don't understand.................. Link to post Share on other sites
rastafari Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 im telling you this independent thing with the 20 year olds is the latest rage. if you start browsing around this forum you will see its VERY common, like westernxer said. For some reason they want to see if there is better people out there, which is very understandable. DONT tell her what you are doing, you have to make her wonder. I know its hard to break the habbit, but you have to stop talking to her, calling, etc. like everyone will tell you over and over. She is 20, so she will analize the living sh*t out of what is going on, trust me. you HAVE to stop talking to her in order for the girl to miss you. I broke up with my ex 8 months ago, and did NC for 5 till she couldnt take it anymore and grabbed me off my skateboard and begun to hug me and cry. I cracked and ended up at a bar with her, woops. I broke NC and have been feeling like sh*t for the past week, so try not to break it. You have to make it so she cant stand it and relize what she has lost in order to have a second chance. Do NOT settle for friends, JDUBS knows all about this and has been giving me help, it WILL only hurt you. Just talking to my ex for a hour or so has ruined my whole week. SERIOUSLY. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 16, 2005 Author Share Posted October 16, 2005 i have been talking to her for a couple of months.... shoot do you think it is too late:( and she is twenty one too..... but my mom told me that same thing but i didn't believe her because she is old..... i guess i really have to stop talking to her so i can get over her and so she can realize what she has lost. if i blow her off don't you think that would be rude... i'm not rude by nature. i guess that will piss her off because when she calls she expects me to pick up the phone. omg i'm giving all that she wants and i get nothing in return....thanks for making me see the light guys and thanks for all the good info. P.S. if she happens to return, how will i really know? Link to post Share on other sites
Rocko Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 For the record (as I was in the same boat as you a few months back): She will begin dating someone by the end of one month of your breakup date, and it is usually someone they met while you two were in a relationship. Might as well let you know so you won't be surprised. Want more proof? Look up posts by lostinmymind, SuperRex83, and eddpad. Don't worry, you're not alone, this happens a LOT. Link to post Share on other sites
jaye Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Last thing, she told me that she loves me, but isn't in love with me or anybody. does that mean anything? And that she's not getting into a relationship until she is ready. i give her a few more months and she'll break! i think she totally bugged herself out by wanting to get married and have kids and other $hit and this is her way of getting her last few years of being young in. at least that is why i think she still calls me once every week to say "hi" and give me other reasons to talk. you can't stay single forever......i know for a fact that she can't. i start the full NC today wish me luck people. Goodluck, Walk away man. Link to post Share on other sites
dprelz Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 For the record (as I was in the same boat as you a few months back): She will begin dating someone by the end of one month of your breakup date, and it is usually someone they met while you two were in a relationship. Might as well let you know so you won't be surprised. Want more proof? Look up posts by lostinmymind, SuperRex83, and eddpad. Don't worry, you're not alone, this happens a LOT. add me to the list Link to post Share on other sites
eddpad Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Dude, remember Rocko told you to look up my posts? Well I'm bringing you my story. My ex and I dated for 4 years (she's 19 now, so you can do the math; I am turning 23 in December). Anyways, she broke up with me because she wanted to have friends and have fun. "I don't want to be in a relationship right now in my life, I just want to be myself." I said fine, it's natural for someone who has spent so much time with one person to wonder about what else is out there. It's being human. About 2-3 months go by and now I find out that she's been seeing this 30 year old?! I don't know about you or everyone else, but a 19 year old with a 30 year old? And it's true what Rocko said, this guy had been hanging around since the last week of our relationship and right now I can't really blame myself for thinking that I was lied to. Perhaps I was dumped for this ass who worked with her. Ever since she broke up with me she has also ben very rebellious: staying out real late, done some drugs, drank a little more and also ran away from home. It also doesn't help that this girl is very insecure with herself, probably explains the drug usage. It's been 4-5 months since the breakup and I feel good about myself. Don't get me wrong, the first month and a half or so were hell but eventually you will get out of this funk and appreciate life again. Don't hang around or talk to her to see what will happen. She is most likely interested in playing the field and even if she did go back to you, would you want to committ to an emotionally confused person just so she leaves you again? The only way I could even consider going back out with my ex would be after a couple years went by and hopefully she's resolved alot fo her emotional problems and really confident in herself, which she is not right now. If you have any questions go ahead and post them or look up my past posts. I think they might help alot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 you's guys are all too helpful..... i already know that she was making out with some people as was i. but then she told me that she doesnt want a relationship with anybody. a good thing that i know is that she isn't a whore. i wasn't her first and she is terrified of getting a std.... makes me feel a little better. should i at least tell her happy birthday? i was also reading some other post's i wonder if i'll feel the same about her in a couple months. we have been broken up for 3.5 months now and i don't see her coming back anytime soon. i just think that a little contact would be ok. mabey once a month. f*** it. mabey not at all. you know what's funny.. she has never been in a bad relationship. mabey she need's one of them to appriciate me as me. oh well time to move on. mabey she's not as cracked up as i thought she was............only time will tell rocko and eddman have some great posts:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 P.S. if she happens to return, how will i really know? She won't (not in the way you'd like her to). Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 you're her doormat and if there is ANY hope in your relationship, you need to being a doormat. Good luck with the NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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