introverted1 Posted May 25, 2021 Share Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) Who initiated the breakup? From your op it seems like he did. It also seems that he is aware that you want to get back together but he's not interested. If this is the case, I think texting him HB is unnecessary. I don't think he'll be upset if you don't wish him HB, particularly since it seems you have no current relationship with him. Edited May 25, 2021 by introverted1 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 25, 2021 Share Posted May 25, 2021 You guys need to deal with basics. Are you trying to reconcile or not? Yes or no?! You should not be talking to each other if the goal is basic sanity. You wanna be insane and confused, keep talking and send all the birthday wishes you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 26, 2021 Share Posted May 26, 2021 As a matter of strategy, I don't think you should say Happy Birthday. It will let him know he has all the time in the world to figure out if he wants to be with you or not. Right now, you saying that you should not talk was a step in a good direction,...both for you to move on AND to get him to be motivated to do something if he is going to. THAT Is the messaging you want to send. "i'm moving on"....so "forgetting the birthday or not reaching out is a way to again show you are moving on. That's more important than the little sentence of happy birthday..don't get sentimental about it, lol you have to be a warrior about it if you want him back. If he gets in touch afterward (he will, because he will be panicking that you are moving on so he'll want to test you), you can casually say happy birthday then as long as it's within the 2 week timeframe after otherwise forget it. I think he's trying to keep you in his back pocket due to his indecision and you can't let that happen by reassuring him that "he's no#1 to you" and on your mind on his birthday. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
ItsTheDay Posted May 26, 2021 Share Posted May 26, 2021 My birthday is coming up, less than a week. Turning the big 40. I'm wondering if I'll get that text from her and if so, do I reply a simple thank you or just ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 26, 2021 Share Posted May 26, 2021 it's pretty simple. if you're asking, that means you know it's a bad idea or that you shouldn't do it. therefore, don't do it. questioning whether or not to send a text someone should not be an issue, and if it causes you this much turmoil over a text, don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 12 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: My birthday is coming up, less than a week. Turning the big 40. I'm wondering if I'll get that text from her and if so, do I reply a simple thank you or just ignore it. Happy birthday in advance!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 17 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: My birthday is coming up, less than a week. Turning the big 40. I'm wondering if I'll get that text from her and if so, do I reply a simple thank you or just ignore it. For your sake I hope it doesn't come. At most she may say it when you pick up the dog. Just say thank you & load up your pet. Meanwhile plan something fun for yourself for your birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
ItsTheDay Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: For your sake I hope it doesn't come. At most she may say it when you pick up the dog. Just say thank you & load up your pet. Meanwhile plan something fun for yourself for your birthday. I'm actually picking him back up for my bday weekend. I was thinking of telling her to leave him in the back yard and I'll get him, that way I don't even have to see her. Well, back in March we did have a big party planned for my 40th. We sent invites out via text but yeah. Her friend circle is much bigger than me, I had about 7 to 9 of my friends coming to her 20 to 25. Most of her friends are from her work and some from her crossfit class, she really only has two best friends. One that she grew up with and one that she was roommates with in college. I'm actually just going to spend that weekend with my parents at their beach house and my sister, brother in law and niece and nephews will be there. I know I need to just "do me", but I have no desire and it can't be forced. Not really worried about this 40th bday. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 So buy yourself a cool gift & say it's from the dog. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ItsTheDay Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: So buy yourself a cool gift & say it's from the dog. I bought 3 books from Amazon, and I don't read books but was told The 5 love languages is a good read. Got the singles, men and standard edition. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 Since he’s not completely all in - and all into you...don’t allow him to waste more of your time! no reason to revisit the relationship. it ended. Look forward, not back. Link to post Share on other sites
Stromae Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 I would take it at face value, which is that even if he still likes you or something he isn’t willing to get back together right now Whether that day will come or not no one can say, but that’s why my advice would be to move on and consider dating someone else more committed. He may finally be called to action or perhaps not, but at that point you can consider whether you truly should be with someone who is less bold about his feelings I would move on from him, because what you want is what he’s not willing to say or do Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 You have got to let go of this guy, belladun. You've been spinning in circles for months over the guy. This isn't going to be the relationship of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 Why do you keep making threads about your ex? He's an EX. Exes belong in the past, not the present, not the future. Stop all contact with him, do not message him, do not reply to any of his messages. Stop living in the past wasting your short life instead of moving forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 He's intentionally avoiding the topic altogether. He's not stupid. He knows exactly what you want and meant. My guess is he doesn't want to commit to anything whether it's working on things or leaving you alone. Maybe he wants nsa sex, or emotional support, who knows. He's stringing you along. If you continue down this path, don't be surprised one day when you casually hear him mention his girlfriend or wife on of those conversations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ItsTheDay Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) On 5/27/2021 at 7:13 AM, d0nnivain said: For your sake I hope it doesn't come. At most she may say it when you pick up the dog. Just say thank you & load up your pet. Meanwhile plan something fun for yourself for your birthday. She texted me first thing this morning. Wished me a happy birthday and said she hopes I have a really great day and a really good year. Haven't replied and not sure I want to. Edited June 1, 2021 by ItsTheDay Link to post Share on other sites
canadian87 Posted June 4, 2021 Share Posted June 4, 2021 Move on. Its hard and takes time but this way you are loosing your time with him. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 4, 2021 Share Posted June 4, 2021 Just because it's hard to get over a breakup does not mean that the breakup was the wrong decision. Just because one or both parties cried when breaking up, does not mean that the breakup was the wrong decision. Stop all this wishy-washy, back and forth communication about whether or not you should cut contact. It's not helping. It is just keeping you stuck in this limbo. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2021 Share Posted June 9, 2021 He "seems to" want to move on, so it's best to do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 9, 2021 Share Posted June 9, 2021 He doesn't want you back because you gave him plenty of chances to tell you this. Don't let him waste anymore of your head space just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted June 9, 2021 Share Posted June 9, 2021 You've made the same topic about the same ex a number of times, ignored every single advice that was given, not even replied to others who have posted, then make the same topic again? 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 He IS dangling you, possibly as a backup option, because you're making it so painfully obvious that you'd do anything to have him back. He might get together for sex but that will be it. This excruciating back and forth about getting together "for closure" is ridiculous. Your closure is: you guys broke up. My guess is, you're going to get together for this ridiculous closure talk thing after all the cutsie voices and emojis, you're going to have sex, then he's going to disappear and when you then proceed to hound him with texts demanding intricate explanations, he's going to come back with, "but I NEVER said we were going to get back together," which will be true - he's been careful about that. He's between girlfriends and he wants an easy lay and because you're desperate for attention from him, you're it. Your heart is going to get broken in a million pieces. Just be DONE with this. Tell him you guys broke up, that's your and his closure, and no, you don't want to meet with him just to confirm the obvious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 You're reading an awful lot into what he is saying/doing. You want to get back together but even from what you've posted here, it is pretty clear that he doesn't want to. He's all over the place and has acknowledged that whatever concerns/anxiety he had that led to the break-up are still there for him. There is no path forward with this guy until he figures out those things; there is only heartache for you. My advice is to stop communicating with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) This poster keeps making the same topic over and over again, ignores everyone's advice, does not even reply to anyone, then makes the same topic again. Edited June 28, 2021 by Punterxx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 All this ambivalent, wishy-washy, lukewarm, back and forth chit-chat about meeting up to talk or for "closure" is absolutely ridiculous and a waste of time. I don't know what you hope to accomplish by dragging this out. You've hinted and outright mentioned several times that you might want to get back together, and he's completely dodged the question. So you have your answer..... he doesn't want to. It is a big misconception and fallacy that people think they need to talk to their exes for "closure". The only way you are going to have "closure" is to STOP dragging this out and just stop talking to him already. You had the right idea in the beginning when you told him that it's best you and him don't stay in contact. The bottom line is that if you and him were compatible, you wouldn't have broken up in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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