ShyViolet Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, Punterxx said: This poster keeps making the same topic over and over again, ignores everyone's advice, does not even reply to anyone, then makes the same topic again. You know, I thought this post sounded familiar. I think I've seen it before. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 7 minutes ago, Punterxx said: This poster keeps making the same topic over and over again, ignores everyone's advice, does not even reply to anyone, then makes the same topic again. Good catch. No idea why people waste time like this. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) I agree with everyone else that he is dangling a carrot to you for extra sex but does not want to get back together. I cringed at some of your post because it was almost as if you were begging him to talk about getting back together and he was carefully avoiding that talk at every turn. Why did you continue to text him over and over. To be clear - if he wanted you back you gave him multiple opportunities to say so and he didn't. I would suggest you block him so you don't end up having this same conversation each time you talk. Also find another place to vacation. He isn't interested in getting back together and is more than likely also seeing another girl. Edited June 28, 2021 by stillafool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 My advice, block, delete and lose his number. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, ShyViolet said: All this ambivalent, wishy-washy, lukewarm, back and forth chit-chat about meeting up to talk or for "closure" is absolutely ridiculous and a waste of time. I don't know what you hope to accomplish by dragging this out. You've hinted and outright mentioned several times that you might want to get back together, and he's completely dodged the question. So you have your answer..... he doesn't want to. It is a big misconception and fallacy that people think they need to talk to their exes for "closure". The only way you are going to have "closure" is to STOP dragging this out and just stop talking to him already. You had the right idea in the beginning when you told him that it's best you and him don't stay in contact. The bottom line is that if you and him were compatible, you wouldn't have broken up in the first place. This!!! Winner. Closure happens WHEN YOU STOP (IMO). People who say they want closure from an SO, but who deep down really just want to keep communicating in some way (OP...come on...be real...is this you? Really ask yourself that question because only you know), will keep finding excuses and reasons why the latest communication or piece of knowledge simply isn't "enough" closure. It could conceivably go on forever. From his end, it seems like the only reason he's "wanting to talk things out" is to get back in contact, but as Shy notes above, obviously NOT for any sort of actual relationship. He has made that very clear. I'm not inside this guy's head, but from all the dodging and the semi-flirting tempered with ongoing assurances that they are NOT getting back together, it could be one of these things or something else: 1. he wants a ready booty call hanging on the line for him. 2. he's feeling out whether the OP is still entirely hooked on him (and she's showing him she is). 3. he needs an ego boost due to a recent breakup. 4. he feels guilty and just wants to end things as not having been the bad guy. Closure happens when you say, "enough. I don't give a shhhhh what he 'needs to talk out' or 'wants to get off his chest' or blah blah. We broke up. The time for opening up and spilling his heart to me was before that happened. Now it's too late...oh well...that's what happens when you break up. You don't have the person as your sounding board anymore. He'll just have to deal. Bye Filippe." Edited June 28, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 4 hours ago, Punterxx said: This poster keeps making the same topic over and over again, ignores everyone's advice, does not even reply to anyone, then makes the same topic again. Exaclty. I wouldn't waste your time trying to advise this OP, folks. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 Never plan to get together with an EX to talk. You don't get closure from the other person. You get closure from within. If you randomly bump into your EX you can catch up for 5 minutes on the spot -- how's the family? Good to see you out & about etc. If there is something specific you want to know fine. I used to get updates from one EX about his dog. Another would talk to me about his niece & nephew who I adored. But we never ever talked about why we broke up. We knew the reasons as stated during the break up process & with the issues we had in the relationship. No need to re-hash all this months / years later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 (edited) Just curious . Is "catch up" a euphemism for hooking up or renegotiating the breakup? Edited June 29, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author willnotdoit Posted June 29, 2021 Author Share Posted June 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Just curious . Is "catch up" a euphemism for hooking up or renegotiating the breakup? As in how I feel about this or how he does? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, willnotdoit said: So I reached out to him and told him that I don't see the benefit in catching up unless he wants to date me again as I get the indication that he still wants the break up. He said he understood etc, but completely never answered that part. Whether that's intentional or not. For example he could've said something like "yes, I still want the break up" but just says he understands. I said we should stop being in contact for real and for him to only contact me if he wants to be back together. He sort of turned it into a joke and asked about when I'm graduating. He doesn't want to get back together as we told you in the last thread. You've given him more than enough chances to say "let's get back together" and he avoids that conversation every time. The most he wants is to "catch up" meaning talk about college, what's been going on in your lives and perhaps a hookup. After that he will still date other people and is not coming back. You obviously are still in love with him and suffering therefore you need to distance yourself from him and not talk to him so you can move on and heal. Edited June 29, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author willnotdoit Posted July 2, 2021 Author Share Posted July 2, 2021 I straight up asked him if he’s interested in trying at the relationship again and he said he’s not but he’s happy to catch up whenever. I said we should leave it and that if in the future, he decides he wants to talk about our relationship, to message me. I also said that in order for that talk to work, we must have moved on from the hurt/errors. He agreed and said ‘if we do one day talk about our relationship again, I would hope and expect we’re in a better place to do so’ Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 4 hours ago, willnotdoit said: I straight up asked him if he’s interested in trying at the relationship again and he said he’s not but he’s happy to catch up whenever What does "catch up" mean? Text, Hookup? Link to post Share on other sites
Author willnotdoit Posted July 2, 2021 Author Share Posted July 2, 2021 54 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: What does "catch up" mean? Text, Hookup? Not to hook up, guess to just hang out and probably talk about the relationship which I think would be a *very* bad idea, especially at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 Anytime someone breaks up with you for something they already knew about you (for example, age difference), they are full of it. What a lot of women fail to realize is that men have very strong urges, and most are totally fine stringing a woman along to get their needs met. He probably does like a number of things about you, but he knows in his heart that you are not the One he wants long-term. He keeps playing word and definition games because the longer you're unaware, the better it is for him to get his needs met. When you finally started realizing you're getting the short end of the stick and kept wanting to solidify a real relationship, that's when he needed to find some excuse that you cannot work on or change (age difference) to have a way out. Telling him that it's okay to contact you if he ever changes his mind is a dignity destroyer. You are worth so much more than this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author willnotdoit Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 I sent him a final text saying that I understood things didn't work out, I thanked him and said I enjoyed everything. I wished him all the best. He replied saying he feels exactly the same, that he felt very lucky to be with me etc and that he hopes I get everything I want in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 54 minutes ago, willnotdoit said: I sent him a final text saying that I understood things didn't work out, I thanked him and said I enjoyed everything. I wished him all the best. He replied saying he feels exactly the same, that he felt very lucky to be with me etc and that he hopes I get everything I want in the future. Take this as your cue to stop communicating with him. It is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Donnas Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 I'm glad you are honest and mentioned what you did wrong also. It was abusive.Im glad he finally put a end to it. I'm afraid you will keep doing this in relationships. So it's best you seek a therapist and work on your issues. Throwing tantrums may have work when I was a kid, but won't work as adult. You need a adult way to communicate your feeling. He is clear, it's over. Getting him back won't help you change. Be single work on you and leave him alone.👍 Link to post Share on other sites
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