tampl Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 I'm a 28 yo male. There is a girl I've been chasing for years. We made out once 2 years ago, but nothing else happened. She kept ignoring me for years, but it looks like now she's interested! She hit me up a few weeks ago and we had some really long conversations about life and relationships etc. but sometimes she ignores my messages for days... The reason for that is that we are both in relationships, but when we talks she's really interested, open and communicative. She still has a boyfriend so she is not too comfortable talking to me too much or even meeting me because of the guy, but she often complains about him, took down their pics from instagram and told me it's not going to be long before they break up. She also wants to spend some time alone after the breakup, so I'm not really sure how to approach her. (Also not sure what keeps them still together.) I also have a girlfriend who I love, but it's not going well either. She is considerably older than me and we have different goals, so we knew at the beginning that it's not going to last. Maybe it's time to break up, but I don't want to end up alone either. I was alone most of my life so I don't want to go back there for now and I really want this girl! Should I leave my gf and chase the girl that I'm still into or should I wait for a while until something changes in her life (or mine) and make a move? Should I keep in touch with the girl or it's better to give her space and let her message me when she's ready?Thanks for all the helpful advices, Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 37 minutes ago, tampl said: but I don't want to end up alone either. That's a bad reason to be in a relationship, and if I were you I'd figure out why I wasn't comfortable alone before I jumped into another relationship that'd potentially end up the same way. I'm not saying it won't work between you and whoever, but if I at one point realized my partner was only with me because it was better than being alone, I'd wonder why she wasted my time and would be pretty mad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tampl Posted March 4, 2021 Author Share Posted March 4, 2021 27 minutes ago, normal person said: That's a bad reason to be in a relationship, and if I were you I'd figure out why I wasn't comfortable alone before I jumped into another relationship that'd potentially end up the same way. I'm not saying it won't work between you and whoever, but if I at one point realized my partner was only with me because it was better than being alone, I'd wonder why she wasted my time and would be pretty mad. Yeah, fair enough. Tbf I'm not with her only because I don't want to be alone, I do love her, but our relationship is not what it used to be when we started. And the fact that this other girls excites me this much, it's probably safe to say that my current gf deserves better... Link to post Share on other sites
LuvLY3 Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 13 minutes ago, tampl said: Yeah, fair enough. Tbf I'm not with her only because I don't want to be alone, I do love her, but our relationship is not what it used to be when we started. And the fact that this other girls excites me this much, it's probably safe to say that my current gf deserves better... For sure I think she does. But I think you do too as well. If your current relationship isn't what you want it to be end it and maybe spend some time thinking about what you want out of a partner and relationship and then get back out there. As far as the other one she needs to figure her situation out as well. I wouldn't put much into that until she makes those changes. She may just be venting to you or needing a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 1 hour ago, tampl said: Should I leave my gf and chase the girl that I'm still into or should I wait for a while until something changes in her life (or mine) and make a move? Should I keep in touch with the girl or it's better to give her space and let her message me when she's ready? This girl you want so much has at best friend-zoned you. The fact that you are so eager to throw over your present GF for this lost cause tells me you need to break up with your GF. Have enough respect & kindness for your GF to stop using her while you pine for the woman you want but can't have. Your GF doesn't deserve to be a place holder. It seems like the spark has gone out of your relationship so just end it. Both you & the girl you want seem to have questionable morals. You are both willing to head down a slippery slope toward cheating on your respective SOs. I caution that somebody who cheats with you will eventually cheat on you. It may be monkey branching, but more likely the girl reached out now because she knows you still carry a torch for her & with all the lockdowns it's not that easy to get her ego stroked in other ways so she's using you to validate herself. I doubt she will dump her BF for you. She just wants you to console her while she whines about him. All in all I don't see much hope for you. Sorry. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tampl Posted March 4, 2021 Author Share Posted March 4, 2021 7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Both you & the girl you want seem to have questionable morals. You are both willing to head down a slippery slope toward cheating on your respective SOs. I caution that somebody who cheats with you will eventually cheat on you. I think you misunderstood a couple things. Nobody was going to cheat on anybody, we both agreed not to meet until we end things. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 I did not understand that you agreed not to meet but that may be because you recognized the slippery slope. Still her reaching out & you two even thinking about each other as your next romantic partner is a great indication that your present relationship is dead. Link to post Share on other sites
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