WantingHim Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I've been married for 2 years. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship and we have one together. He's been good to them and has taken on the father role to them all. We have had our problems but always worked thru them until recently We separated not because of our problems but we thought it would be better in order for me to go to school and have help with the kids since he would be traveling a lot since we have been apart things we seemed to have already worked out seemed to come back up I found out he gave me a STD. Females were calling his phone leaving messages that weren't a message that a regular friend would leave. And when I questioned him about this he didn't want to talk about it and he said that it was nothing and to let it go. And after all that we were ok but I found out that he wasn't paying bills like he was suppose to and left me with a $600 bill with no job, no money, and three kids. And all of a sudden he wouldn't answer the phone any more I had to call him at work and then he would say he was sending it and after he would I called his supervisor and talked to him. And thru this last week I have realized that he doesn’t care about me or any of the kids and that honestly every time I had to deal with a hard situation he has left, he shows no respect to me by constantly dealing with the different women, he's lied to me, and he can let me lose everything I've worked for. And since having his phone turned off calling all the females back and calling his job I know he's more than a little upset with me. My mind wants to tell me good he getting what he deserves because I've told him I would rather have him tell me it's over than play game with me and hold on to me when he wants to keep dealing with other females. But a bigger part of me wants my husband because I love him. I told him I wanted a divorce because I didn't think he would do it and I felt like he wanted it. I have no way to contact him and I still have to continue to call his job to get him to take care of issues for the kids which isn't going to help him calm down. What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
tonyp56 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 My wife of almost 7 years (together for 11) left me 5 weeks and 3 days ago. She let her new man that she had been having an affair with move in with her. And she treats me like the last 11 years meant nothing to her, and I mean nothing to her even though we have three kids together. I just wanted to say, i understand how you feel, I too would take her back even though she has hurt me so bad. Somewhat because I am lonely, but also because everything in my life she is apart of her--kids, house, etc... To top it off, she has the kids more than me, and of course her new man has them more too. Which drives me crazy, I love my kids, and I want to be in their lives. She has agreed on joint custody, but knowing she has already had them more than me, it scares me to think she will have them more than me. Anyways, good luck and I understand how you feel, cause I feel the same way, or at least close to it. Link to post Share on other sites
ClassLady Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I feel bad for you. You and your children do not deserve to be treated this way. Hopefully you will be able to move on and realize that you truly are better without him. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I get so friggin mad when I here stories like these.What the hell is wrong with people?How can you treat someone with no compassion that you made vows to.I had ity done to me and it's just pathetic people like this will get theirs in time Karms has a way of getting even.You take care of yourself and forget that horses bleep of a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingHim Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 Thank-you all very much you comments make me feel a little better I'm trying to think possitive about it but it's still hard Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I get so friggin mad when I here stories like these.What the hell is wrong with people?How can you treat someone with no compassion that you made vows to.I had ity done to me and it's just pathetic people like this will get theirs in time Karms has a way of getting even.You take care of yourself and forget that horses bleep of a man. I'm with ya on this one. It's truly amazing that you can spend years with somebody and one day they lose all care! My g/f and I were the absolute best of friends for 2 1/2 years. She went to Spain for 2 months and told me she fell out of love with me! Just like that! She wasn't even upset about it! She won't talk to me and says I have to just take the phone convo as my closure. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 ...I have to just take the phone convo as my closure There's no such thing as "closure." I wish that word would just disappear. You're certainly entitled to feel bad for a while, so don't shortchange yourself on emotionally dealing with the end of a relationship. But dwelling on it and seeking this unidentifiable process called "closure" will do more harm than good. Move on. Forgive your ex, forgive yourself, and get on with life. It's waaaayyyy too short to spend much of it lolling in regret. Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I respect everybody's opinions but I disagree about closure. I will say that there will always be a scar and a feeling of why but I think closure is different. When my first g/f and I broke up after 7 years, she refused to talk to me. I didn't see her for 2 years. That whole time was spent in limbo - needing answers to why it all happened. When she and I finally crossed paths, she agreed to talk with me right then and there in the parking lot. We talked for about an hour and I walked away finally feeling like I could move on. I just feel that closure is something that can't be done immediately upon breakup nor shortly afterwards. Both people need time to cool down, calm their emotions, and then talk about it. Now I feel that 2 years was waaay beyond the limit but at least it got done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingHim Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 I'm not sure about "closure" either cause I honestly think if he came to me and explain everything to me it still wouldn't answer everything. Like what makes someone esle better at loving him. How do you have such intense feelings for some one one day and the next it's nothing. Cause if by some chance he decided we should talk about it it's not going to help me understand anything cause I loved this man I still love this man ans although I can try to forgive "closure" it sounds like putting a book in the closet and forgetting about it how do you do that when we truly loved that person? Link to post Share on other sites
BadBadGirl Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I can try to forgive "closure" it sounds like putting a book in the closet and forgetting about it how do you do that when we truly loved that person? you can love someone and still weigh the pros and cons and realize the situation isn't healthy. i hope it works out. i am sorry for your pain and that you were hurt so badly. think of it this way, if you have loved, you can love again, and hopefully someone who will love you back just the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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