Isn't it a Pity? How does one get to the place where you can put your painful feelings aside and recognize how you might be hurting your partner?

[gcp]

Guy here chiming in.  I recently just broke up with my girlfriend.  It was 6 months in to our “reconciliation” or “second chance”.  She broke up with me the first time, admittedly I think I stayed longer than I should have.  This time around it was the same issues.  The stress of her nursing program and not really knowing her place in the world or life yet coupled with her occasional hurtful comments and lack of communication (she would hold it all in and just unload a laundry list of things I was or wasn’t doing). It was very overwhelming. 
Again I felt I had to keep my crap together working full time and taking on more responsibility in my career during pandemic AND be her rock and source of comfort and happiness.  
Now, I was no saint either, when she started to give up, which she admitted to our last talk, so did I.  I started only doing things for me and trying to get my peace.  That was selfish of me.  
But I feel terrible for ending it this time, almost as bad as I felt when she ended it the first time.  I know she’s stressed, anxious, and while undiagnosed I think she might have mild depression.  I felt letting her go was the only thing I could give her that she actually wanted.  But the timing is horrible.  She’s barely hanging on in her program and I’m sure this won’t help, or maybe it will.

I do feel bad for basically not being who she wanted or needed me to be.  I can take some of that burden but not all of it.  

[poppyfields]

Thanks for chiming in gcp, and I'm so sorry, I could feel the pain in your words ((hugs)) and I mean that.

Close, intimate relationships are great, but hell if they don't go the distance, the endings are almost too much to bear sometimes.  I mean this past month has been the absolute pits and I am the one who ended it! 

I am beginning to understand why some folks don't wish to have relationships at all, and only do casual, although I myself am not casual relationship type of girl, so not sure what the answer is.  I actually thought I was more resilient than this.  

Anyway, it's good to have a place like LS to bounce thoughts and feelings off of; I read another poster who just ended a long term relationship is going to start a journal here, not a bad idea actually.

I used to keep my own personal journal at home, but I got too lazy to keep up with it, I may start again.

 

[Cookiesandough]

I wonder why your friend who is actually more his friend (?) would even tell you they saw him back on the apps idk just seems like something that would clearly do more harm than good 

Edited March 8, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I wonder why your friend who is actually more his friend (?) would even tell you they saw him back on the apps idk just seems like something that would clearly do more harm than good 

Yeah who the hell knows.  I'm over that now anyway, I felt jealous for like two seconds (see previous thread). 

What he's doing (and with whom) is the least of my problems right now. 

Edited March 8, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

How are you holding up, poppy ? 

[Gaeta]

7 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I wonder why your friend who is actually more his friend (?) would even tell you they saw him back on the apps idk just seems like something that would clearly do more harm than good 

If ex is the resentful type he may have asked that friend to let that information out to hurt poppyfieds. 

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

If ex is the resentful type he may have asked that friend to let that information out to hurt poppyfieds. 

Hey that’s a pretty good theory 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Hey that’s a pretty good theory 

Not bad eh? but all of you need to remind yourself my mind is floating in negativity these days. Funny cause even though I only see negativity I feel I see mucch clearly. 

[dramafreezone]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

If ex is the resentful type he may have asked that friend to let that information out to hurt poppyfieds. 

That's pretty diabolical.  In any event, seems like a waste of time to even contemplate that possibility.  Just prevents her from moving forward.  Healthy thing to do is give him the benefit of the doubt, he's just moving on and she should do the same.