JAKE022 Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 Im dealing with break up right now , you can read my story in another post, basically my gf of 3 years broke up with me about 1,5 month ago, i cant get over it im sticking to NC but i miss her very much, if you are dealing with similar situation please do not drink alcohol if you think it will help you, it doesnt , i have been drinking almost everyday since the break up because it ease up my anxiety, the problem is ... when you wake up it will hit you 10x harder than before , it will set you back with healing process and make you miss your ex even more, for example yesterday i been to a party with my friends it was all fun and for few hours i almost forgot about my ex, the thing is when i woke up today i feel terrible its not even a hang over but the anxiety is so big i cant even go through a day normally, i almost texted her because i miss her so much and i feel like i need to hug her etc but i didnt do it because 1st its too early i think and 2nd i dont know what type of response i will get ( what can i expect right ? ) so please do not repeat my mistakes and dont drink , 1 or 2 drinks from time to time might help you get relaxed but it is a different story than drinking whole bottle of vodka or whiskey , one day i almost overslept to my job because of that but its all nothing compared to the anxiety and loneliness after you drink after break up, so once again dont drink if you are dealing with a heartbreak 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StoryOfMyLifeYes Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 Have you stopped drinking yet? Mate I've been there just now (I'm an alcoholic), quit yesterday. The first days are damn rough but at least I feel like I'm out of the loop and making steps in a different direction now, painful as it might be in itself. I fully agree, it makes it worse not better. As scary as it is to face the loss sober, you will make quicker progress in the end!! Alcohol will just keep you in the same place forever, waking up with terrible anxiety, perhaps crying, then eventually having a drink and feeling like it eases up when in reality you just blur everything and end up doing stupid sh*t in the worst case scenario. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 Yours is a powerful truth. The fact that you realize it is wonderful. Good for you! Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JAKE022 Posted March 8, 2021 Author Share Posted March 8, 2021 2 hours ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said: Have you stopped drinking yet? Mate I've been there just now (I'm an alcoholic), quit yesterday. The first days are damn rough but at least I feel like I'm out of the loop and making steps in a different direction now, painful as it might be in itself. I fully agree, it makes it worse not better. As scary as it is to face the loss sober, you will make quicker progress in the end!! Alcohol will just keep you in the same place forever, waking up with terrible anxiety, perhaps crying, then eventually having a drink and feeling like it eases up when in reality you just blur everything and end up doing stupid sh*t in the worst case scenario. Im not addicted yet (i think) but if i dont stop i will be, so yeah i stopped it and just try to drink tea and not vodka at night, and you are right all those symptoms are very bad and can lead to dangerous behaviour, fortunately i was usually just listening to music or playing video games with friend while drinking and fortunately i didnt grab my phone and texted her on any of those days, my main motivation was telling myself „what if your ex would see you right now or some mutual friend would find out and snitched to her, you would only prove that she made a good decision leaving you” yeah it can be stupid but it helped me. i always liked alcohol and i was drinking heavy on 2nd year of university, it was party almost 3 times a week but than when i met her i stopped and returned to drinking occassionally like once a week or even once a month but main difference in both cases was that i was happy than, But when she left me i couldnt handle this and grabbed a bottle almost everyday since the break up ( 1,5 month ago) so i hope me and you wont return to it, only drink when you are happy or can celebrate something, drinking while being sad is getting you closer to depression and even death, its not worth it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StoryOfMyLifeYes Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 Alcoholism is a whole separate topic in itself, if you are confident you don't have a drinking problem then I have no reason to second guess that. But I only mentioned that in passing anyway, the main point is that whether or not you enjoy drinking, right now is NOT the time for it (ok, maybe like once in a huge while get wasted with friends and sulk IF IT HELPS, but definitely don't make it a habit. Personally I find that if it helps then only on like... day two or so after the breakup. This late in the game it won't help at all). About your motivation though, it obviously shouldn't matter what she thinks of you at all, but you know that already. Just do it for yourself, though. I think the comfortable thing about alcohol is exactly the thing that makes it so insidious in this situation: it keeps you in the same spot. Once you sober up you have to face all these unpleasant realizations and go through all the grief just raw dogging it, which is unpleasant af but it needs to be done. It also sort of keeps you idealizing your ex, I find. Being drunk in general makes other people seem better, with lesser faults and greater merits, and when it comes to your recent ex, oh boy. When you're drunk you're more likely than not to feel she/he is some kind of angel in the flesh. That's not reality. Better days will come, including the day you will no longer care about your ex. Hang in there man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JAKE022 Posted March 9, 2021 Author Share Posted March 9, 2021 8 hours ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said: Alcoholism is a whole separate topic in itself, if you are confident you don't have a drinking problem then I have no reason to second guess that. But I only mentioned that in passing anyway, the main point is that whether or not you enjoy drinking, right now is NOT the time for it (ok, maybe like once in a huge while get wasted with friends and sulk IF IT HELPS, but definitely don't make it a habit. Personally I find that if it helps then only on like... day two or so after the breakup. This late in the game it won't help at all). About your motivation though, it obviously shouldn't matter what she thinks of you at all, but you know that already. Just do it for yourself, though. I think the comfortable thing about alcohol is exactly the thing that makes it so insidious in this situation: it keeps you in the same spot. Once you sober up you have to face all these unpleasant realizations and go through all the grief just raw dogging it, which is unpleasant af but it needs to be done. It also sort of keeps you idealizing your ex, I find. Being drunk in general makes other people seem better, with lesser faults and greater merits, and when it comes to your recent ex, oh boy. When you're drunk you're more likely than not to feel she/he is some kind of angel in the flesh. That's not reality. Better days will come, including the day you will no longer care about your ex. Hang in there man. Well same day i wrote my last post i came to my friends home to watch an nba all star game, he proposed a beer and i took it ... i ended up drinking 4 beers and 200 ml of liquor because it felt good so another lesson - dont even start ... of course i got work tomorrow, fortunately i work from home ( or maybe unfortunately because all my problems started with home office including break up lol ) so yeah i found an excuse to have a beer because of meeting with a friend and all star game, i think it would be better to stay home for few days and think about wtf am i doing because its not a good direction Link to post Share on other sites
StoryOfMyLifeYes Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, JAKE022 said: Well same day i wrote my last post i came to my friends home to watch an nba all star game, he proposed a beer and i took it ... i ended up drinking 4 beers and 200 ml of liquor because it felt good so another lesson - dont even start ... of course i got work tomorrow, fortunately i work from home ( or maybe unfortunately because all my problems started with home office including break up lol ) so yeah i found an excuse to have a beer because of meeting with a friend and all star game, i think it would be better to stay home for few days and think about wtf am i doing because its not a good direction It's not, you gotta stop. I can't tell for sure but it sounds like you've drank for a long enough time that early sobriety might be quite hard (not necessarily due to addiction, but prolonged use of alcohol does alter things in your brain). Understand that you will initially experience hardship which might manifest as anxiety, damaging thoughts, confusion - all quite possibly on a scale which will make you think drinking is preferable to the experience. Do not give in. It will make it worse later. Even if it doesn't feel like you're making progress, even if it feels like you're actually going backwards, you are not. Clench your teeth and make your way through it sober. I'm going through that right now, I know what I'm talking about. Today's my worst day yet. If you have the energy (try your hardest to collect it), pick up some new habits that have to do with self-care. Try meditation or mindfulness. There are excellent mindfulness exercises available online, do it once in the morning and once in the evening. If you don't work out, try that. Sign up with a gym. If they offer an initial session with a trainer, that is best but if they don't research a routine that's right for your complexion and state and start doing it. You get the idea. Whatever you do, don't drink. It will set you back. The worst that can happen to you is to remain in the loop you are in. If you have lowered self-esteem at the moment (quite possible and natural after a breakup) make not giving in your sole mission. Tell yourself that you might be in a shitty place but this is one thing you can and will do. Start moving forward. You can do it man, I believe in you. Edited March 9, 2021 by StoryOfMyLifeYes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 (edited) If you think it's self medicating, get to a physician for appropriate evaluations and a referral for ongoing support from a qualified therapist. Edited March 9, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JAKE022 Posted March 9, 2021 Author Share Posted March 9, 2021 2 hours ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said: It's not, you gotta stop. I can't tell for sure but it sounds like you've drank for a long enough time that early sobriety might be quite hard (not necessarily due to addiction, but prolonged use of alcohol does alter things in your brain). Understand that you will initially experience hardship which might manifest as anxiety, damaging thoughts, confusion - all quite possibly on a scale which will make you think drinking is preferable to the experience. Do not give in. It will make it worse later. Even if it doesn't feel like you're making progress, even if it feels like you're actually going backwards, you are not. Clench your teeth and make your way through it sober. I'm going through that right now, I know what I'm talking about. Today's my worst day yet. If you have the energy (try your hardest to collect it), pick up some new habits that have to do with self-care. Try meditation or mindfulness. There are excellent mindfulness exercises available online, do it once in the morning and once in the evening. If you don't work out, try that. Sign up with a gym. If they offer an initial session with a trainer, that is best but if they don't research a routine that's right for your complexion and state and start doing it. You get the idea. Whatever you do, don't drink. It will set you back. The worst that can happen to you is to remain in the loop you are in. If you have lowered self-esteem at the moment (quite possible and natural after a breakup) make not giving in your sole mission. Tell yourself that you might be in a shitty place but this is one thing you can and will do. Start moving forward. You can do it man, I believe in you. Surprisingly i do not have low self esteem after a break up, i know my worth and i stick to it, however i miss her like crazy and it all feels so unreal and thats why im reaching for an alcohol, also i would like to go to the gym or somewhere but literally everything is closed in my country, you can only watch netflix at home or meet with friends, i go for a run from time to time, but starting from today im not drinking anything, if i fail and drink during a work week i will go and see some specialist for a help Link to post Share on other sites
Author JAKE022 Posted March 9, 2021 Author Share Posted March 9, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: If you think it's self medicating, get to a physician for appropriate evaluations and a referral for ongoing support from a qualified therapist. I will stop starting today, if i fail ill go get a support from therapist, but for now i think i can handle it myself Link to post Share on other sites
StoryOfMyLifeYes Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 19 minutes ago, JAKE022 said: Surprisingly i do not have low self esteem after a break up, i know my worth and i stick to it, however i miss her like crazy and it all feels so unreal and thats why im reaching for an alcohol, also i would like to go to the gym or somewhere but literally everything is closed in my country, you can only watch netflix at home or meet with friends, i go for a run from time to time, but starting from today im not drinking anything, if i fail and drink during a work week i will go and see some specialist for a help Dammit, I forgot it was lockdown everywhere. My gym's also closed. But any form of exercise is good really, if running works for you that's great. I'm more of a weightlifting guy myself, thankfully I have a set of dumbbells at home and can do some of those YouTube workouts. Should get back into it, actually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JAKE022 Posted March 9, 2021 Author Share Posted March 9, 2021 Just now, StoryOfMyLifeYes said: Dammit, I forgot it was lockdown everywhere. My gym's also closed. But any form of exercise is good really, if running works for you that's great. I'm more of a weightlifting guy myself, thankfully I have a set of dumbbells at home and can do some of those YouTube workouts. Should get back into it, actually. Yup my dumbbells came in today too so its work out time for me too, at home of course. I hope this will help because i hate running to be honest lol so yeah no more beers just weightlifting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StoryOfMyLifeYes Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 Just now, JAKE022 said: Yup my dumbbells came in today too so its work out time for me too, at home of course. I hope this will help because i hate running to be honest lol so yeah no more beers just weightlifting I use this warmup: And then I've adapted this guy's routine: I had to change quite a bit, I don't like the combined triplet sets that he does, so instead I took most of his exercises and do three sets of each with a 40-60 second break in between if that makes sense. I also had to adapt some of the exercises, push-ups on DBs were too hard for me so I do normal ones, but I've added planks and crunches + twists with weights. Basically, eventually I formed a routine that takes me about an hour to do and really kicks my ass and it definitely has me feeling better afterwards. Mind me, this was before the Ultimate Breakup Event that sent me spiraling into a binge, so I still have to get back to it myself, lol. Maybe you can find some for you in these. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JAKE022 Posted March 9, 2021 Author Share Posted March 9, 2021 2 hours ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said: I use this warmup: And then I've adapted this guy's routine: I had to change quite a bit, I don't like the combined triplet sets that he does, so instead I took most of his exercises and do three sets of each with a 40-60 second break in between if that makes sense. I also had to adapt some of the exercises, push-ups on DBs were too hard for me so I do normal ones, but I've added planks and crunches + twists with weights. Basically, eventually I formed a routine that takes me about an hour to do and really kicks my ass and it definitely has me feeling better afterwards. Mind me, this was before the Ultimate Breakup Event that sent me spiraling into a binge, so I still have to get back to it myself, lol. Maybe you can find some for you in these. Thanks bro will definietly try these even today ! I hope ill create a routine like you and get in the right shape before the summer haha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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