Having relationship troubles.

[ermerm12]

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a couple months now, but I feel like I'm starting to fall out of love, and that maybe even, that I'm starting to fall in love with someone else.. 

It's so complicated, I don't know how to even label what I'm feeling. I've made so many promises to this guy, promises about marriage, promises about living together in the future, is it right to just throw that all away without a second thought?.. I'd feel so guilty doing so. But I've acknowledged that I just don't feel the same way anymore. We're only 14, and most relationships at this age range don't last that long anyway. But it's already been a year. And I feel like I can't break up with him, that it's too late, that it's already been a year, that I've trapped myself here with my own promises that I now have to live up to. Not just that, but I'm awfully scared of confrontation and speaking up about how I feel, I've never really broken up with someone before and I don't want to cause him any pain. I want to maybe find a way to make him break up with me instead.. although that might just cause him more emotional turmoil.. And besides that, I'm struggling with my sexuality too. I'm not sure if I even like men anymore, I used to believe I was bisexual, but now, I'm questioning if maybe I'm just a lesbian. Girls are so cool, and it's not very hard to find nice girls, but its so hard to find any actual nice guys, I feel. Maybe that's just how it is in my area.And..there's this girl I've known and been friends with for a while that I think I'm starting to develop feelings for.. she's so nice and pretty, and I feel like we really click with each other, and that we relate to each other in so many ways. I don't really know what to do. Should I wait a while more? We (me and my boyfriend) haven't even gotten to really see each other outside of school due to covid, and even after covid, I'm not sure if we'll be able to have a date, due to my very strict mother. I feel like I'm just wasting his time, and my own time too. What the hell should I do?  

Edited March 6, 2021 by ermerm12

[spiderowl]

Hi ermerm12,

It sounds like a pretty stressful situation for you at the moment.  

You are young and new to relationships.  I am older and will probably never understand them either!  One thing that you can learn from this is not to make any promises.  I expect you thought you would want to keep your promises but now you can see that feelings can change, people can change and circumstances change.  Making promises is to be avoided unless you are absolutely certain you will follow through.

Somehow, you need to talk to your guy friend and explain to him that you were inexperienced in relationships and and realise now that feelings can change.  I know it's not easy though.  It might help to tell him how confused you have felt recently and that you think you might like girls.  Basically, he needs to know that you are still learning who you are and that you need more experience of life before committing to anyone.  You would also need to make it clear that you are breaking up and that you are not just suggesting a break, otherwise that will leave him confused.

There is not really any way to avoid hurting someone but let him know you care about him and that, at the age of 14, you have made mistakes in committing yourself because you were too young to understand how things can change.  I cannot remember if you said how old he was but if you are both young, this may well turn out to be one of many relationships still to come.  I know this is not an easy situation but it does sound as if you need to be completely free so that you can make your own choices and learn what you really need from a relationship. 

 

[Wiseman2]

You've been dating since you were 12?

If you have a crush on somebody else, just break up. 

It's time for you to be free. Tell a trusted adult about this. You shouldn't be talking marriage and living together at 12/13 years old.

This boy seems like bad news.