basil67 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 I didn't realise misophonia caused people to be so obnoxious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, basil67 said: I didn't realise misophonia caused people to be so obnoxious. It is very hard to live with, let alone be around someone who has it severely. And it's a great handicap for the affected person because it's with them everywhere they go, as they try to cope and as they try to mask it. Some of the simplest life situations a person would never dream would bother someone can drive an affected person almost crazy. I know a person who is affected with this disorder and there are very normal situations that are tortuous for them. Because of my relationship with this person this is the most painful situation personally I've written about on LS. But, believe me, it's real and it's awful. And, yes, if you don't know what the person is going through you might think them obnoxious. But, I can assure you, they suffer more than the people who will never be able to understand them. If anyone doubts this or cannot understand it's possible, count your lucky stars you haven't had someone you love affected by this. Edited March 11, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 (edited) If someone had this disability and it was severe enough that they were unable to control their reactions and were rude to all and sundry, I would expect them to be aware there was an issue. I would expect them at the very least to acknowledge that it's them who has the problem. And to apologise when they know they've hurt someone. I read nothing in the OP's post about him apologising for his behaviour or acknowledging that he's the one with the problem. Edited March 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) On 3/11/2021 at 12:29 AM, basil67 said: If someone had this disability and it was severe enough that they were unable to control their reactions and were rude to all and sundry, I would expect them to be aware there was an issue. I would expect them at the very least to acknowledge that it's them who has the problem. And to apologise when they know they've hurt someone. I read nothing in the OP's post about him apologising for his behaviour or acknowledging that he's the one with the problem. I get what you're saying, basil. Yet awareness of this disorder is lacking. Education is needed. OPs husband may have this disorder and not even realize it's a bonafide issue and that there is treatment available. Such a person, who does not know, will likely blame themselves inwardly while blaming others outwardly, a situation that would only exacerbate the issue due to added stress. It may not be his fault. But it IS his problem, and it is their problem. Which is why OP posted and why I'm trying to help her. Criticizing her husband for something that has treatment available isn't helpful for OP, if he has this problem. I began to search the internet for help many years ago and there was little to none. It has only been within the last few years that you can do an internet search on the issue and come up with information about it and treatment options. The person I love who has this condition went for many years not knowing and blaming him/herself (trying to be as private as possible here) while also trying to manage the world around him/her so that they could live in a semblance of comfort. The person is employed and no one on the job knows about his/her issue. But, I get calls from time-to-time from the person trying to decompress after being in a very normal situation that threw the person into a state of anguish. Yes, anguish. Many people have no idea how people with this condition suffer. And, yes, those in their families do, too. If you read about it you'll learn much about it I'm not posting here. They can control their response to it outwardly but not inwardly so that this condition causes much suffering and damage to the person which translates to suffering and damage for those who live with the person. But, in their personal lives so much stress can be relieved if their spouse and/or family understands what's going on. And, yes, it does put stress on the rest of the family. There is no panacea for it as far as I know, either medically or emotionally. But, stress can be relieved by treatment, and by understanding of both the affected person and their close associates (family). There's a lot of shame associated with this disorder, just as there has been with depression/anxiety disorders, and other mental/emotional disorders. At one time the issues of depression/anxiety and other mental illnesses and disorders were in a similar category. When a person is so depressed they can't get out of bed, for someone who doesn't understand and has never been depressed, it could be tempting to call the person lazy, or entitled (expecting others to get up and do all the work) or whatever. This type of thinking and blaming helps no one. Making oneself aware of the issue, being understanding, getting professional help. These are the things that help. But, they won't change it. It's a handicap a person and that person's family must learn to live with and manage. It is very easy to be judgemental and critical when a condition someone else suffers from is not understood. That is why it's important to share information and be open-minded about things. Having this information could save OPs marriage whereas if he has this, piling on criticism about her H and calling him obnoxious does nothing to actually help her. Edited March 12, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 On 3/7/2021 at 3:28 PM, basil67 said: Out of curiosity, does your husband fluently speak a second language? If not, you might want to point out that your language achievements are vastly superior to his and that he should keep this in mind. I was going to say the exact same thing. The problem is not your English. The problem is his, 100%. He is being emotionally and verbally abusive. You are well-educated and speak more than one language fluently. If this (non)issue infuriates him, I cannot imagine how he will behave when there is a real problem that needs to be dealt with calmly and rationally. Do not let him belittle you or make you feel inferior. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 15 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said: Having this information could save OPs marriage whereas if he has this, piling on criticism about her H and calling him obnoxious does nothing to actually help her. I'm one of the ones who piled on the OP's H. Oops! I should have known better since I have some experience. My daughter has (luckily) a fairly mild form of misophonia. I wish I had known when she was a child what was happening. She was not diagnosed until she was in her 20's. Actually, I think being diagnosed has helped her to cope with the condition, but thinking back on her childhood, I know those early years were very frustrating for her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 I think this has probably nothing to do with your pronunciation. This I guess is due to his dissatisfaction with the marriage. Something is upsetting and annoying him and instead of saying what it is, he is criticising your language skills. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) 56 minutes ago, vla1120 said: I'm one of the ones who piled on the OP's H. Oops! I should have known better since I have some experience. My daughter has (luckily) a fairly mild form of misophonia. I wish I had known when she was a child what was happening. She was not diagnosed until she was in her 20's. Actually, I think being diagnosed has helped her to cope with the condition, but thinking back on her childhood, I know those early years were very frustrating for her. I know, via. The person in my realm had it as a child, too. You're (and your daughter) so fortunate your daughter's case is mild. I think lots of people have it very mildly. From my understanding it presents on a spectrum and there is some thought that it might be related to autism. But, that's just a theory at this point, I believe. A girl in high school I knew had it and was always reacting to all kinds of stuff. We thought she was a jerk with her intolerance. Now I look back on it and realize she probably had misophonia to some extent and feel bad because of my criticism of her. Edited March 12, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 49 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I think this has probably nothing to do with your pronunciation. This I guess is due to his dissatisfaction with the marriage. Something is upsetting and annoying him and instead of saying what it is, he is criticising your language skills. It could be. Maybe OP will be back. The thing that alerted me to share info is that it's the ending of the words that bother him. My person has issues with both beginning and ending sounds of words. And there can be a psychological component to it, too, which is probably why it gets worse the more intimate a R becomes. I can only imagine it presents differently in different folks. Since OP is looking for answers, let's hope she finds them! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 I read the replies. I agree that he seems boorish or a nut. However I get the feeling something else is going on you are not telling. Maybe he is really mad about another thing so he picks on your English. It's his way of getting back and needling you over sspeech issues. Is this really about your accent? Do you have unresolved conflicts with him? I never heard about a couple quarrels over an accent Link to post Share on other sites
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