Blocked my ex and her daughter

[Ric123]

My ex left me some time ago, she never made an attempt to reconcile. My son and her daughter kept in touch via video calls while playing online games. 

Now that my son moved in with me (he lived with his mom in another country previously) my ex's daughter started to call even more often. 

Last week, during one of the video calls, my ex popped up to say hi to my son, then she kept talking on the background for a while, I also heard a man's voice behind. In this case was my ex's daughter father but sometime in the future could me some guy my ex could be dating. 

I felt this was too much for me and for my mental health to hear a male voice and my ex on the background so I blocked my ex and her daughter from my son's phone and terminated their friendship. 

I sent a text to my ex explaining why, breaking 7 months no contact. Looking back i probably should not have texted her, only blocked. Text bellow:

"I don't feel comfortable you talking to my son on the phone while I'm in the house. I wanted to be with you and the kids but you decided to leave, therfore you and your daughter need to completely go from our lives. I'm not interested in having any connections, including the kids, unless we are dating."

What you guys think? 

[Brooke02]

I think you did the right thing. NC is NC, its not going to help you if you can hear your ex.

[Gaeta]

How old are the children?

[Gaeta]

You broke up 1 year ago, I think it's time you start letting go of the anger. 

Your kids sounds old enough to have FB accounts so I guess they are teenagers. I think what you did is very immature and controlling. If you were ok with the kids being in touch and playing games together then all you had to do is tell your children to go finish their conversation in their bedroom. I think it's sad your children are the ones that have to pay for your impulsivity. 

[ShyViolet]

Are you always this controlling of your son?  Another option would have been to tell your son to just please not have video calls or phone calls with her/them when you are around.  That can't be that hard for him to do.

[Ric123]

On 3/9/2021 at 2:32 AM, Gaeta said:

How old are the children?

The kids are 10 and 13. I'm all or nothing type of guy. I tried many times to fix things between us but she kept ignoring me. I feel like it's the best move to cut kids off to move on. 

After the msg I sent my ex, I think it's clear enough I'd still be willing to date her and ball is in her court? 

[Marc878]

She’s nothing to you. Cut the hopium or you’ll never move on.

[Ric123]

15 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

She’s nothing to you. Cut the hopium or you’ll never move on.

I agree. People may say it's immature to cut kids off but if I didn't I'd be stuck on her for long long time. Seeing her, planing meet us... She clearly doesn't want me, no point to waste my time. 

Obviously I cut down the last cord to her, and that hurts because I had some hope that seeing her, bringing my son over, could potentially help fixing things between us. 

[basil67]

How does your son feel about having his friend removed?

[Marc878]

30 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

I agree. People may say it's immature to cut kids off but if I didn't I'd be stuck on her for long long time. Seeing her, planing meet us... She clearly doesn't want me, no point to waste my time. 

Obviously I cut down the last cord to her, and that hurts because I had some hope that seeing her, bringing my son over, could potentially help fixing things between us. 

At his age it doesn’t matter. Explain it to him. He’s old enough to understand it. Your life counts too. People relocate and kids find new friends. He’ll be fine. 
 

No contact is you’re only way out unless you want to be a martyr for nothing.

Ive seen people live on hopium for years and get nothing out of it.

Edited March 10, 2021 by Marc878

[Ric123]

1 hour ago, Marc878 said:

At his age it doesn’t matter. Explain it to him. He’s old enough to understand it. Your life counts too. People relocate and kids find new friends. He’ll be fine. 
 

No contact is you’re only way out unless you want to be a martyr for nothing.

Ive seen people live on hopium for years and get nothing out of it.

You're right man, I'm gonna stick to no contact. Looking back i should have just blocked the kids and not send any msg. But it's done now. 

[Ric123]

1 hour ago, Marc878 said:

At his age it doesn’t matter. Explain it to him. He’s old enough to understand it. Your life counts too. People relocate and kids find new friends. He’ll be fine. 
 

No contact is you’re only way out unless you want to be a martyr for nothing.

Ive seen people live on hopium for years and get nothing out of it.

Sometimes I just wish I could just ask her straight if she wants to work things out at all and just ask her and her daughter for dinner at my place with my son. But I fear she is gonna reject me very hard and I'm gonna feel even worse.  And ofc asking the dumper for a second chance is probably the biggest defeat and humiliation one can expose himself to. 

Edited March 10, 2021 by Ric123

[Wiseman2]

Have you consulted a family therapist, so you can talk to your child about real life and online activities and friends?

[Gaeta]

6 hours ago, Ric123 said:

After the msg I sent my ex, I think it's clear enough I'd still be willing to date her and ball is in her court? 

Actually after that message she probably was glad she ended things with you last  year. 

[Ric123]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Actually after that message she probably was glad she ended things with you last  year. 

Why u say so? 

[Gaeta]

You don't attract flies with vinegar. You blocked her and her children, how you think that made her children feel? Do you think a mother is insensitive to that type of behavior toward her children?  Your attitude of  I'm all or nothing type of guy don't make good partners. I would guess it was part of why she ended your relationship. 

[elaine567]

4 hours ago, Ric123 said:

s because I had some hope that seeing her, bringing my son over, could potentially help fixing things between us. 

You took your 10 year old son away from his mother in another country to try to fix things with your gf...and now you have stopped him talking to his friend...
Poor kid.

[Marc878]

2 hours ago, Ric123 said:

Sometimes I just wish I could just ask her straight if she wants to work things out at all and just ask her and her daughter for dinner at my place with my son. But I fear she is gonna reject me very hard and I'm gonna feel even worse.  And ofc asking the dumper for a second chance is probably the biggest defeat and humiliation one can expose himself to. 

Ask her? Don’t waste your time she’s shown you she doesn’t care. Stay NC and your son too.

[Ric123]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

You don't attract flies with vinegar. You blocked her and her children, how you think that made her children feel? Do you think a mother is insensitive to that type of behavior toward her children?  Your attitude of  I'm all or nothing type of guy don't make good partners. I would guess it was part of why she ended your relationship. 

Last Xmas, her daughter texted me asking me something about my son. I replied and wished her a merry Christmas. 2 days later I was blocked. Obviously my ex saw it and told her to block me. She hates me guts...she was my supervisor at work, and when she left me, I got fired 2 weeks later for really no good reason. She is a piece of work.

Edited March 10, 2021 by Ric123

[Gaeta]

Just now, Ric123 said:

 She hates me guts...she was my supervisor at work, and when she left me, I got fired 2 weeks later for really no good reason. She is a piece of work. 

Why would you want to get back with someone like this? 

You block each other back and forth,  she interfered with your mean of living, this is highly toxic for both of you and for all the children involved. 

 

[Ric123]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Why would you want to get back with someone like this? 

You block each other back and forth,  she interfered with your mean of living, this is highly toxic for both of you and for all the children involved. 

 

I want her back because I really enjoy being together with her my son and her daughter. We traveled together. 

I forgive what she did to me because I also did her wrong even tho I have apologise many times. We had one fight before she left me, I shoved her during her argument and she got scared. Even tho I would never hurt her, I'd take a bullet for her and her daughter. I'm Portuguese, bit of Latin  temper. Portuguese are hot headed, but in the of we like someone we give it all to them. 

Anyway, she is gone she hates me and probably has zero attraction. 

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

I forgive what she did to me because I also did her wrong even tho I have apologise many times. We had one fight before she left me, I shoved her during her argument and she got scared. Even tho I would never hurt her, I'd take a bullet for her and her daughter. I'm Portuguese, bit of Latin  temper. Portuguese are hot headed, but in the of we like someone we give it all to them. 

What you did could have gotten you in jail, you get that? She is done with you. No woman in her right mind will get back with a man that has no control over his temper and allow himself to SHOVE her!! and what's next shove the children! You need anger management therapy. I don't care of you are Portuguese, African or Mexican, touching a woman is not acceptable in any shape or form!! You won't convince me you would not hurt her again. 

[MsJayne]

I think if you have a toxic relationship with your ex then it's best to cut all ties, but you have to be gentle how you handle it with the kids if they're good friends. It's likely they'll grow apart as they get older anyway so perhaps best to just let that happen naturally rather than force the issue. Sounds like it was an abusive relationship on both sides, and they're best left in the past as a lesson learned rather than fostered as an ongoing thorn in both your and your exes side. I think when exes try to hang in the periphery of an ex-partners life it's either because they still have strong feelings and don't want to let go, or it's for vindictive reasons. Either way it's not conducive to moving on and recovering from the anger and disappointment.  You can't expect your son to join in your anger at your ex, but you can use the moment to teach him something about relationships, like letting him know that it hurts you to have contact so you'd appreciate it if he kept his relationship with the exes daughter as much out of your face as he can. 

[Ric123]

17 hours ago, Gaeta said:

What you did could have gotten you in jail, you get that? She is done with you. No woman in her right mind will get back with a man that has no control over his temper and allow himself to SHOVE her!! and what's next shove the children! You need anger management therapy. I don't care of you are Portuguese, African or Mexican, touching a woman is not acceptable in any shape or form!! You won't convince me you would not hurt her again. 

Yes in an ideal world the kids would remain friends, hang out and me and my ex would communicate friendly for the sake of the kids. When we broke up, for at least couple of months, I would drive my kid to her door for the kids to hangout, she was always hiding in the toilet. Once I called her from the outside, asked if she wanted to come outside to say hi, she answered no need. Very cruel. But my kid went a few months abroad to his mom and now has been back for 3 months. She never once contacted me to ask how he was. 

 

She doesn't really care, has moved on and wants to punish me because she felt disrespected at her home, when we had a fight that I screamed at her and pushed her. 

 

I think it's more than fair what I did, cut off the kids, and I even explained her with my last msg why I was doing it. 

 

I'm not contacting her anymore, I've tried in the past. I've done more than enough to apologise, to try to fix things. She always ignores me. Even last msg she ignored. 

 

This girl has had 4 serious relationship, and a bunch of flings, I count around 15 if not more, no one ever sticks, she left them all. She uses men like objects and when she gets bored, finds a new toy and cycle goes on. 

 

No point to reach out again, in my experience, explaining, showing your feelings, trying to be nice, doesn't work.. I also need to protect myself. If kids meet I'm gonna have to see her while she is giving me the cold shoulder, knowing that I'm waiting that she throws me a bone. I'm not putting myself in that position again, of going to her doorstep while she ignores me. 

 

So yeah I'm all or nothing. If she wants to work things out I'm here, if not I'm out and so is my son

[Ric123]

And for the people who have been following my case, I'll explain here really quick why we broke up. 

 

We met, I was unemployed and had been for a few years. So I became needy, I wanted to spend all my time with her. I was at her place 6 times a week easily with her cooking, cleaning, etc. She became smothered. 

 

Eventually, after we came from holidays meeting my family, she was running out of money. She told me I could work for her company. She became my supervisor. Our department was 4 girls and me. My ex started to give me all the jobs and the other 4 girls and other supervisors started to make pressure on my ex. Eventually I was rusty and some customers complaining too. The job was home cleaning. I'm sure my ex felt a lot of pressure, and if no one liked me at the company, why should she? She lost admiration. 

 

Right that moment, I felt her becoming distant. We didn't have sex for 5 days. One night she told me she didn't know why she didn't feel like having sex and she felt o was smothering her. I told her done, if this doesn't change I'm leaving you. She stood up from the bed and started screaming at me, I screamed back. The bed was behind her and I pushed her onto the bed, wasn't even hard. Then I tried to remove her clothes, I was a bit drunk and so was her. I'm the moment I thought some make up angry sex would make things right. She started screaming more and I said something nasty and stopped. I apologised right there and apologised million times for months. 

 

I tried to talk to her a week later, I went to her house unannounced, she didn't open the door and freaked out.. Eventually she came outside with all my clothes and said its over that I attacked her and I'm acting crazy.. 2 weeks later when I was going to my normal day work, they fired me. I'm sure was my ex. I still chased her for a few months, but she said she would call the police.. This is all