Growing apart

[Wartide850]

Hello im 28 male out of florida and I'm in a bit of a pickle.. my gf 18 turning 19 is growing apart from me.. our relationship started on October 03 2020. She had her own place and I had mine.. after a month of talking. We hit it off exceptionally well and decided due to financial status and current roommates it would be better to live together..

I moved in with her because her rent was much cheaper and the place was really nice.  In the middle of November she became pregnant. A week after finding she was pregnant she was fired from her job for being late to many times and during a hurricane she couldn't make it on time because the roads were flooded...

This caused stress on me as I was the only one working and paying for everything. Getting to the week of Christmas we had a little spout off about her parents not accepting because of my age.. so we spent Christmas day and new years apart while she stayed with her family her family lives an hour away form us at the time... one week turned into two and on the third week I noticed she had removed all pictures of me on social media.. not concerned what strangers think of me too much but it was definitely a blow to my heart..

now every thing had seemed ok and we were talking daily.. she would practically bug me..but pictures were gone.. so I nicely talked to her about it and she stated that we were moving to fast and so on..she did take a lot of photos of us.. so we changed our status to it's complicated... But she still loved me..

we decided to move into a bigger place for a newborn due in July so by the end of January we were settled in our new place... But since all of February up to last week we hung out went on dates spoiled each other but there was one thing.. no affection.. no love.. we would kiss but only to say goodbye..

I would ask if anything was ok and she was sure to convince me that I was over thinking.. well last week she tells me she needs time to think things over and just wants to be friends.. I asked why and it's because i decided not be more productive in joining mom and dad groups and paying extra more attention to her needs..

I was told to do this because she is pregnant and it would show my love and support for her.. but it backed fired and about a week and half ago she asked if we could just be friends.. I didn't want to accept but she told me we can still sleep in the same bed and hang out and spend time together and cook each other dinner.. so I said yes.. she wants time to figure things out with out the lovey dovey stuff.. so I said yes and that I believe in her.

So this is where I stand... I can't help but to be driven crazy about not being able to love on her yet have her at home all day and paying for everything.. I still treat the relationship like we are fine and ask her and care for her like normal just without the mushy stuff..

I care for her truly and deeply.. yes I've disrespected her in the past with arguments about her family and money.. but the last 2 months I've been nothing but humble and kind.. this where I stand.. I do not exist on her social media. Her status says seperated.. better than single but still not good..

I'm a physically fit guy and very handsome and deleted all females off of my stuff and I don't use instagram or snapchat.. grew out of it seeing how I'm 28.. she has snapchat and a huge fan base and she seldomly posts but here lately she posts depressing stuff about relationships and never really posts about the baby.. we know the sex in 3 days..

Ive done alot of research and I'm supposed bro mirror her behavior but that doesn't feel right.. I work out I build stuff and work on my motorcycle like normally.. when she needs me I'm there for her. I'd hang with friends but I live in the sticks and there isn't a house for miles.. what should I do..

I've been sweet as can be she says I am the sweetest man in her life but I feel I'm losing her and she is growing cold. my child should not have to go through seperated parents relationship.. what should I do.. pretty much stuck at the house.. both her parents and my parents and friends say she is just pregnant and it will work itself out..what should I do.. I don't want to kick her out I love her..

I know she is young.. I want to know what plan of action I should take.. should be I be cold too but be there for the baby?? Please help. I don't want to waist anymore time not being able to give her the best life she and I deserve.

Edited March 9, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[d0nnivain]

Good heavens.  

All of this moved way too fast.  You haven't even know each other a year & she's pregnant.  You & that baby have essentially taken away her 20s.  Instead of having fun with her friends, going to parties & getting a college education she's stuck being a teen mom.   No wonder she's depressed.  

She's staying with you because she's stuck.  This is a bad situation for everybody especially that baby. 

You two could probably benefit from some relationship counseling so you can learn to co-parent.  

Good luck.  

[Wartide850]

Oh she doesn't like partying or hanging or have much friends.. her mom was burned alive in a house fire and lived.. she's been raped by a friend and her little brother died in the fire when they were both 6.. I have a tragic past too.. she actually wanted to have kids. Just with the right guy of course.. her family tends to have 5-6 kids per daughter. Strong native american decent.. beautiful family.. kids are not excuse to not go and have fun. Just need a babysitter

Edited March 8, 2021 by Wartide850
Typo

[ShyViolet]

You need to learn to make better life choices.  You got an 18 year old girl pregnant after only dating her a month.  You've just created a teen mom and seriously altered this girl's life.  Now you just have to focus on what's best for this child that you're about to bring into the world.  It sounds like she doesn't want a relationship with you.  Just focus on being co-parents and keeping some stability in this child's life.

[d0nnivain]

Still this was an unplanned pregnancy & the realities of what being a mom means are setting in.  

Talk to her about what she wants.  Perhaps she can enroll in on line school while she's stuck home taking care of the baby.  

 

[Wartide850]

She has lived on her own since she was 16.. she was emancipated and got her ged.. she's been enrolles into nursing school.. her mom was in a coma for 9 years and the dad didn't exist.. so she grew up fast. Shes been married and divorced.

[Wartide850]

The pregnancy was something she planned on with her ex but he wasn't fertile.. guess I was.. the pregnancy was something she wanted and planned on.. I didn't plan on it but it happened.. I thought I was infertile.. made it to 28 with no kids

 

[Wartide850]

We also knew each other for about a year as coworkers.. but only had dated for about a month before she was pregnant

[Wartide850]

Trust me I know I've made mistakes but what's done is done and I'm trying to be positive and optimistic and move forward in the correct direction and not a messier one.. our relationship is fine but it's going down hill and idk what to do is all I'm asking

[d0nnivain]

Married & divorced before age 19 oh boy.  I hate to say this but she may have just been using you as a sperm donor so she can have a kid.  She probably thinks the baby will love her unconditionally but have no real understanding about what it takes to be a mom.  You are a source of financial support but it sounds more like she would prefer to take your money but not be in a romantic relationship with you.  

[dramafreezone]

Sorry you got tangled up in this.  Try to maintain a civil relationship going forward would be my advice, and hopefully you'll get to be a dad to your child.  I would say you need to leave her alone otherwise and find a mature woman to build a life with.

[Wartide850]

Yes thank you what my aunt that raised me said and my grand mother.. Thank you both.. I just don't want to see it that way.. I want it to work.. I feel like just leaving her be for some time to see how she does.. she lives here so I'll just be less serving from now on and see if that changes her behavior.. that's all I can do. She can't find a job because she is pregnant so I can see the financial thing.. now I have more of a sense of direction

 

[Fletch Lives]

This woman never fell in love with you. Some young women under 26 are not ready to fall in love yet.

 

No, you can't make things work. Her feelings are separate from yours, and in this case, different. Until you accept this truth, you'll walk around in sorrow and live a life of quiet desperation.

 

 I guess you'll be a dad and you'll have to find a new girlfriend who actually cares about you. Sorry.

[TeddyBundy1993]

Honestly I also don't think it will work my friend. There are so many implusive decision. Worst is shes depressed and had a tragic past, most of time we believe that depression will serve as a bond in a relationship as both knows what pain is but it doesn't goes that way. Anyhow for now you can brush it off saying its just pregnancy hormones. Anything you do right now might backfire since it's a critical stage. The girl has already friendzoned you which is a serious red flag. Let alone her frustration of not being able to enjoy and explore in early 20ies will set in all blame will be shifted towards you I really want to be honest with you. Now that you have child with her you'll have to stay until you can. For now hope for the best. There will be a way out of this leave it on time.  Good luck mate hugs keep us updated 

[ExpatInItaly]

I would be planning to raise this baby as co-parents, but not a couple. 

She is way too young, and this all moved way too quickly. You say she grew up fast, but I don't get the impression she's emotionally mature at all. Quite the opposite, actually. That's not a shot at her, either. She's very much a child who's been trying to live like an adult from a young age. It's clearly not working. 

I don't mean to be unkind, but you need to give your head shake, my man. The chances of this working out well are just about nil. She just doesn't have those feelings for you. Speak to an attorney about a viable custody agreement.