Need some advice after the perfect person ended things with me

[Acacia98]

DestinedForFlight, I'm a strong believer that people are allowed to end relationships for whatever reason at whatever stage if they're genuinely not working for them.

But I'm also a strong believer that, once somebody has decided to dump their romantic interest, they need to leave that person alone to lick their wounds and heal. What this woman is doing to you, dumping you then periodically pressing a button to see if you jump, is messed up. There's no way to dress this up nicely. She's doing it because, inasmuch as she doesn't actually want to be with you, it gives her ego a huge boost to know that you're out there, feeling miserable because of her, ready to drop everything and run to her if she calls (or at least that's what she imagines/hopes). 

When you told her you couldn't be friends, that was you wisely asserting your boundaries. Now you need to follow through and block her because she is not respecting your boundaries.

You say you're not ready to lose her. But you don't have her. You're holding onto an illusion. And it's hurting you.

She's not perfect for you. She's not even being a friend. She's being unkind to you. I'm pretty sure your idea of the perfect girlfriend didn't include what she's doing right now. And yet it's part of who she is.

Edited March 15, 2021 by Acacia98

[Acacia98]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She doesn't want you to fin her replacement before she finds yours and doesn't need your attention anymore. 

That's all this is, I'm afraid. 

I get this vibe too.

13 hours ago, assertives said:

Also, why base your plan on how she responds? You are giving her too much power. If she doesn't contact you, then you are not going to act? and stay in this limbo? Take your power back and make your own plans to move on/heal/let go regardless of whether she reaches out to you or not.  

I agree with this sentiment, OP. It seems like you've put her on some kind of pedestal and are waiting for her permission/approval to act. Remember, she didn't ask for your permission or approval to dump you. She simply dumped you because she wanted to. And now she's playing games with you because she wants to. You need to do the same: reclaim your independence and act in your own interest.

On 3/10/2021 at 11:47 PM, DestinedForFlight said:

The end result was that we didn't last yes, but not because (in my opinion) we weren't right for one another. She did something to my daughter that I won't go in to but I will never forgive and she was arrested. After that, I couldn't trust her with my daughter and that's why we split.

You weren't right for each other. Anyone who hurts your daughter is not right for you by definition. Compatibility is not just about chemistry and the romantic stuff. It's also about stuff like how they treat your kids or whether you can trust them with your kids.

[DestinedForFlight]

17 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

You weren't right for each other. Anyone who hurts your daughter is not right for you by definition. Compatibility is not just about chemistry and the romantic stuff. It's also about stuff like how they treat your kids or whether you can trust them with your kids.

Not to take away from the sentiment of either of your thoughtful posts... which I appreciate by the way. Should perhaps have made this clearer... the ex I'm referring to with this was actually my daughter's mother. She was treating her own child this way. 

Completely agree with everything you said though

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, DestinedForFlight said:

Not to take away from the sentiment of either of your thoughtful posts... which I appreciate by the way. Should perhaps have made this clearer... the ex I'm referring to with this was actually my daughter's mother. She was treating her own child this way. 

Completely agree with everything you said though

I wondered about that...

I'm glad you recognize she's not being a friend to you. Hope you find the strength to close the door soon.. You will get over her much faster when you do.

Edited March 15, 2021 by Acacia98

[DestinedForFlight]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

I wondered about that...

I'm glad you recognize she's not being a friend to you. Hope you find the strength to close the door soon.. You will get over her much faster when you do.

Eh... I think it's difficult. Whilst I do want to have the strength to close the door, equally I'm still holding (whether irrational or not) out hope that she'll return...