Snakesalive Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 (edited) A person at the company I used to work at ( I had to resign ) has told my ex mm ( who still works there) something about me that portrays me unfairly and is obviously designed to make him think badly of me I know she has her own motives for this(she is a friend of his ex) So here’s the thing . I am torn between wanting to contact the ex MM to put the record straight and continuing no contact so I can move on . I am angry with myself that it matters what he thinks , I know in my heart after the several years of our affair he would know the kind of person I really am so I shouldn’t feel the need to convince or explain to him but I’m Struggling with this -it’s illogical and I guess irrational . I’m sure my therapist will have her own views but I’d be interested in your thoughts of how I can deal with this and get past it . Edited March 9, 2021 by Snakesalive Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 29 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: A person at the company I used to work at has told my ex mm something about me that portrays me unfairly and is obviously designed to make him think badly of me she is a friend of his ex. How did you come across that hearsay? Frankly, it doesn't matter what any of these gosssipers and snakes think. Step away from the whole mess. Be glad you resigned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snakesalive Posted March 9, 2021 Author Share Posted March 9, 2021 I had to speak to ex MM about a work thing and he told me - ( I’d heard it through another source anyway) I probably should have addressed it with him at the time but didn’t . Link to post Share on other sites
denwickdroylsden Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 You're lucky to be out. Please don't let yourself get sucked back in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 Please don't contact him. There is no need to pick up the rope, and it doesn't matter what he thinks at this point in your healing.. If you're really struggling, maybe give yourself a timeline...if I still feel this way after a week, maybe I will say something. That way you're not acting or reacting in the moment. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 Don't contact him. His opinion does not matter anymore and you realizing that is part of the healing process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 (edited) To contact him to set the record straight about something that you, presumably, shouldn't have to care about anymore (what he thinks)? Or to contact him because you want to talk to him at the same time? If the former, I'd say skip it. I know it's sometimes hard to ignore when you're being portrayed unfairly and you can't defend your own character against whatever is out there, but he should know you better than that to believe rumors and gossips. If the latter, hang in there -- if you already determined that you don't really want him in your life. I left my job too and then went complete NC for a time. I realized after that going NC for the sake of going NC is mostly a fruitless effort, and you can't really move forward unless your heart is truly in it. There's a difference. Good luck. Edited March 9, 2021 by spiritedaway2003 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BreakOnThrough Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 Write him a letter and never send it, lock it away for a month, read it again, keep doing that until all emotions are gone. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snakesalive Posted March 10, 2021 Author Share Posted March 10, 2021 On 3/9/2021 at 5:40 PM, spiritedaway2003 said: Or to contact him because you want to talk to him at the same time? Good point I think I there’s a bit of me struggling to accept that I got him so wrong . I have made the decision not to contact him there is no going back I’ve already spent too much energy on him . Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereFishes Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 Be strong, be strong. Don't contact him. Let it go, doesn't matter what he thinks of you. You know the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snakesalive Posted March 15, 2021 Author Share Posted March 15, 2021 On 3/9/2021 at 5:44 PM, BreakOnThrough said: Write him a letter and never send it, lock it away for a month, read it again, keep doing that until all emotions are gone. Thanks for this @breakthrough I’ve written the letter and will keep and review to help me see my progress Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snakesalive Posted March 15, 2021 Author Share Posted March 15, 2021 On 3/10/2021 at 8:06 PM, IfWishesWereFishes said: Be strong, be strong. Don't contact him. Let it go, doesn't matter what he thinks of you. You know the truth. I didn’t make contact -you were all right nothing would have been gained I owe him nothing and I know my truth -thanks for all your replies 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts