Annasmithyhh Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 (edited) Okay so I need an advice what to do in my situation as my actions lead to a recurring circle of events and I’m not happy. My boyfriend broke up with me, as he claims he wants to be single. I haven’t done any bad things to him ever and we were happy. Usually I would have begged him everyday as he broke up with me before and that’s what I did however for the past 2 weeks I accepted it as I know he won’t leave me. He calls me everyday for hours, basically acts like we’re together however when I ask him he says he doesn’t want me. I’m not sure if he’s saying this to make him chase me as I’m clearly not doing so so he calls and messages me and finds reasons to talk to me. I want to be with him but I can’t go in this circle. I need to show him that I won’t be messed around with but I’m not sure how as each time I ignore him he messages me. I know he may be feeling insecure that’s why he feels like telling me he doesn’t want me will make me chase? As when I do start chasing he backs away and doesn’t answer my calls. What to do? I don’t want to leave him, as he is never like this usually. I want to show him it’s either me or he can be single. I know answering all his calls won’t help as it’s going into circles. What do I do when he calls me, texts me? Someone please help me.. Edited March 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 8 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: My boyfriend broke up with me, as he claims he wants to be single. I haven’t done any bad things to him ever and we were happy. Usually I would have begged him everyday as he broke up with me before and that’s what I did however for the past 2 weeks I accepted it as I know he won’t leave me. He calls me everyday for hours, basically acts like we’re together however when I ask him he says he doesn’t want me. Girl. You need to take a hint. This guy doesn't respect you or love you. He's not going to become the boyfriend you're hoping for. Where is your self-esteem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 Block him. He’s already told you what you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Bella34 Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 Sorry you are going through this. My first love done this even though he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore . I was still so in love with him and wanted him back that I was there to answer whenever he phoned but he basically used me as an emotional crutch until the day he met someone else then he didn’t need to phone me anymore. I would say stop the contact because it’s only a matter of time before he does and it’s always on his terms so it’s really not fair on you. It’s very hard but best for you in the long run. He is being selfish. Stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 He broke up with you as he wants to be single and chase other women. That is usually the real and main reason people suggest a split. But because these other "better" women haven't shown up yet he needs his fix and what better than to contact you. He knows you love him, he knows you want him back, so he gets a boost of validation from you. But is is all on his terms, as soon as you show any special interest he backs away, as getting back together is the last thing he wants. As soon as you back down and introduce distance, he retrieves you by upping the contact, as he needs you to feed his ego and to stop him getting lonely. Go NC, stop this dead right now. He is using you. OR you can keep hanging around until he finds a new love and once he does, you won't see him for dust... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 10 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: I want to show him it’s either me or he can be single. On/off relationships are full of discord and drama. Simply step off his merry-go-round. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. He's seeing others so get tested for STDs. Once you are free of his nonsense, you can move forward and start talking to and meeting men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 He wants to be single and do his own thing - that's wholly a him problem. Nothing to do with how good or bad you were as a partner. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you because he wants the freedom, but he doesn't want you fully gone from his life either - that's why he's continuing to contact you. But that's never going to resolve itself back into a relationship unless you both actively decide you want to make that happen. Since it's clear he just wants to coast along and contact you when he wants (and you'll hang on his every word), you need to make the decision for yourself whether you want to keep putting up with this. And whatever you decide, you need to tell him firmly. Yes it may hurt in the short term, but full clarity makes things better in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 He's just keeping you on the backburner. People do that so they can come back if they don't find anyone else. Once he finds someone he wants to commit to, he won't call you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annasmithyhh Posted March 13, 2021 Author Share Posted March 13, 2021 My boyfriend (ex now) broke up with me but still keeps contact with me and finds reasons to message me but as soon as I beg he tells me he doesn’t want me. I tried to go no contact with him but then he fount reasons to message me and went crazy. Now I’m stuck chasing him. What is the best way to make him come back? I do realise that I’m being too nice so what should I just do after he broke up with me? I know he loves me and probably got too overwhelming as I am a good woman to him but how can he miss me if he knows I won’t leave? Can someone motivate me and tell me step by step what to do in order to make him chase me as as soon as he starts jogging I always give in a reply and answer his calls a day later but then he says he doesn’t want me. any last messages I should send him? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 If you need to play these games to get someone to care about you, you don't have a relationship worth saving. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StoryOfMyLifeYes Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 (edited) Quote What is the best way to make him come back? There is none, he won't. You asked - even begged - him to come back and he didn't. That is very clear and your goal should be finding acceptance of that fact. Quote I know he loves me and probably got too overwhelming That's rationalization and an excuse to stay in denial. He's not feeling overwhelmed, he broke up with you because he doesn't want to be with you. The reason he stays in contact with you is that he is bad at cutting contact and facing the consequences of his own decision himself. I've been there. That doesn't diminish the decision, though. It doesn't make the breakup less real, it doesn't make the reasons for the breakup less real, and it doesn't mean that he wants to come back. Quote how can he miss me if he knows I won’t leave? He won't miss you either way, sorry to say. At least now in the way you imagine. The only thing you are really damaging by not leaving is your mental health. Quote any last messages I should send him? My recommendation would be something along the lines of "I think it's best we don't talk to each other anymore", but not in order to "make him chase you" but rather so you two indeed no longer talk to each other and you can begin the process of grief, acceptance of this final loss, and eventual recovery. Edited March 14, 2021 by StoryOfMyLifeYes Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 Forget this guy please. Trust me on this he no longer wants you and he's just texting you bcz of little leftover feelings inside of him which he will soon process as soon as he meets someone else. If you don't wanna be run over by him completely preserve your self respect block him. No need for explanation if you ask me. He got done by dumping you, you need your space now. Look even if you play ignoring games or whatsoever. He might crawl back but it won't last long bcz in the first place he dumped you bcz there something missing. It will surface later on again and he will drop you like a hot potato. You are hurt and in no position to be as friends with your ex atleast for now. If you stay friends you won't be able to move on. Cut him off bcz he cut you off. He doesn't need your love, sooner he won't need your friendship either. And you'll wonder what happened? While he will be long over you, you'll still be where you are standing today.I have suffered same more than twice. It doesn't pays off being nice these days. You sounds really young, and will meet better person in future and you won't have to yearn for his attention. Always remember a relationship requires efforts from two sides when one side stop making efforts its over. Move on let this dude deal with his life. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 14 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: My boyfriend (ex now) broke up with me... he tells me he doesn’t want me. That is not your cue to stick around and hope he comes back, that is your cue to cut him off and start looking for someone else to love. 14 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: I know he loves me Guys who are in love with a girl do not break up with her, they are too scared to do that in case they lose her. Stop fooling yourself. He broke up with you, so he is free to date other women. As soon as he finds one, he will be gone out of your life. Wake up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 You say you "know" he loves you. How do you know that? What I see is a guy who enjoys tormenting you who gets off on keeping you dangling on his string That is not love. It's a cat playing with a half dead mouse. (You are the mouse in the analogy in case that wasn't clear) You are too weak & too under his spell to not reply, so let technology help you. Go into all of your devices & block him. Delete his number out of your phone. Disconnect on all social media. Just get him fully out of your life. When you are tempted to reconnect do something, anything else: Go for a walk / run; clean your house, call a friend, post here. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you don't reach out to him. There is nothing you can say or do that will bring him back. He does not love you. He certainly doesn't respect you. From where I sit from what you described he's treating you like a joke. You are somebody he can torment because it's fun when he's bored. Does that really sound like love to you? You need to walk away forever. Until you do, you will never find a good guy who genuinely cares about you & you will remain stuck chasing after this bad man who doesn't care about you. If you are truly a "good woman" as you say, plenty of men will appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annasmithyhh Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 My boyfriend of 2 years breaks up with me after every argument. I always let him back in after he calls me the next day. But recently he Will break up with me, mostly when he’s in the wrong, and then call me the next day all day when I’m not answering and when I answer he insists that he doesn’t want me. I’m tired of this cycle, I don’t even want to know what he does while broken up but all I know is that this isn’t love for me anymore. I know he will call me tomorrow again, I’m tired of playing games, I just want a happy relationship but he’s not even scared to break up with me as he knows I’ll be there. I’m thinking of just packing all his stuff from my flat and just leaving him as he brings nothing to the table anymore. What should I do/ say to him to show him in serious this time and won’t tolerate it anymore ? He is going to call me all day so what do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 He's actually made the end of this super easy for you: He's said that it's over, so all you have to do is text "Your stuff is on a box on my porch" then block him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annasmithyhh Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 I’m a good girlfriend to my boyfriend, I forgave him for a lot, more than he would tolerate. He broke up with me again for no reason after an argument. Then he calls me throughout the day seeing that I still care but still no sign of wanting me back. What to do to show him that I won’t tolerate it anymore? I love him but I’m not going to play these games. I’m not a kid. I want a good relationship and I know he’s capable as he only started doing this recently. All this social media is getting into his head. I haven’t done anything to cause this. Will leaving him make him realise? As I always give in and answer his calls. The last time he did t his was 2 weeks ago and now yesterday. He never used to be like this only recently. His behaviour is also different. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 5 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: Will leaving him make him realise? No, because he doesn't love you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 10 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: Will leaving him make him realise? As I always give in and answer his calls. He already realizes you are too weak to walk away. He knows he can walk all over you. When you finally stick up for yourself & block him he will notice that things have changed & you no longer want to play his game. However that won't make him change. The second you speak to him again you will be right back where you started being played by him. You have to BLOCK him. Until you do, this will go on & on & on because you continue to put up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 On 3/9/2021 at 3:53 PM, Annasmithyhh said: My boyfriend broke up with me, as he claims he wants to be single. I haven’t done any bad things to him ever and we were happy. I know he may be feeling insecure that’s why he feels like telling me he doesn’t want me will make me chase? You can treat someone well, and they can still want to break up. One of the reasons for this can indeed be insecurity... but insecure people often attract each other. Like attracts like. If you're putting up with his garbage behavior, it reflects that you are also feeling insecure. Forget about him and tend to your self-esteem. You've already seen that responding the way you do keeps you stuck in his nonsense. I know you're looking for the magic solution to make him "go back" to how he was but there isn't one because this IS how he is and what a relationship with him is really like. You may not have done anything to cause it, it may be because he's totally emotionally unstable and plays games once he has a woman and she feels comfortable and hooked, but you're putting up with it and feeding into it because you're not willing to walk away totally from disrespect. He's really done you a favor by showing you his true character so early. Anything you do will get you more and more of his same behavior, since that's who he is. If you're serious about not wanting to be stuck in this cycle, because you truly know you deserve better, then understand he's doing you a favor and let him stay gone. Mourn the relationship, and eventually find a better man whom you can actually trust to be consistent and treat you right! Don't waste your own time chasing this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 14 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: I want a good relationship and I know he’s capable as he only started doing this recently. He's not capable. Anyone can fake good behavior for a while, especially during the honeymoon period. Most people who aren't capable like this even believe at the beginning that this new person will be different, I'll finally change and be a good partner for the right person. But if it starts to suddenly unravel for seemingly no good reason and they can't explain themselves maturely, it's usually because that person hit a wall on their capacity for relationships. Fear of commitment, fear of intimacy, just loses interest after he's with someone a while, doesn't matter why. Like I said in my other reply, there's no before to go back to. If you want a good relationship, you need to choose a capable partner, which you can't quite tell right at the beginning of a relationship until you've had time to see someone's true colors. He's not it. Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 17 hours ago, Annasmithyhh said: What to do to show him that I won’t tolerate it anymore? I love him but I’m not going to play these games. You already answered your own question, you don't need anyone here to give it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) On 3/9/2021 at 6:53 PM, Annasmithyhh said: I need to show him that I won’t be messed around with but I’m not sure how as each time I ignore him he messages me. block his number/block him on all social media. If he gets around that, you need to be really stern and if needs be, brutal with him. This is his decision to not want to be with you. That means he no longer gets boyfriend perks like your attention or keeping you on the hook for convenient sex, since he knows you don't want to break up with him. Quote What to do to show him that I won’t tolerate it anymore? I love him but I’m not going to play these games. I’m tired of this cycle, No you aren't. You've written 4 iterations of this so far and have not responded to anyone's questions. You like playing these games and hearing yourself complain about it--you have no interest in stopping this because it's really easy to do that. Read my response at the start of this post. You just don't want to do it. At the very least, don't lie to yourself. Edited March 21, 2021 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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