Guy didn't text me back because he 'didn't feel like it'

[sushiandtacos]

lol hi fam!

I've been texting this guy for about a week since last weekend. He initiated the convo on an OLD app to which I forgot to respond a month ago lol so he restarted the conversation by following up last week. We then started talking outside the app on text back and forth for a good bit until he just suddenly stopped responding sometime on this past Saturday. I found it odd because he initiated the conversation every time then once I ask him a question about his day, he just stopped texting all of the sudden. I just figured to forget about him then he texted today apologizing for the super late reply and that he hopes I don't think he's disinterested. Then he followed up with saying he's had a busy/fun week and that he "didn't feel like texting". Then he sent another text answering the question I sent days ago. LOL. 

His response was honestly off-putting when he said he didn't feel like texting and kinda confused since he was the one to restart the conversation every time. Not sure if I should just ignore and next him. We didn't even meet in person yet so no genuine interest is established, just thought he was really fun to talk to and get to know over text. Would almost wish he just apologized for the late text and continue the conversation than him apologizing and saying he didn't feel like texting. 

Wanted to know ya'lls thoughts! 

[amygirl908]

I mean I would feel like not texting him back. If he needed to take a break, as people do, I enjoy unplugging. However there is this tiny thing called communication. He could have just text you and told you he needed time away. It was nice of him to apologize but I’m sure this is likely his typical behavior.

[Trail Blazer]

It sounds like he's an honest doofus.  Do you want to date a guy, albeit well-intentioned, but with no filter who'll seemingly put his foot in it a lot?

[Alpacalia]

Initially you refrained from responding for an entire month and he still resumed communication. I sometimes apologize if I am late to respond to a text and other times I don't. But, I'm not sure apologies are warranted, this early on, or for a few days in dropped communication. Try to just enjoy yourself and see if it leads to a date.

The only thing I might pay more attention to is if he initiates text and when you ask questions he goes radio silent. He could be just flakey in general. Or, something else.

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said:

lol hi fam!

I've been texting this guy for about a week since last weekend. He initiated the convo on an OLD app to which I forgot to respond a month ago lol so he restarted the conversation by following up last week. We then started talking outside the app on text back and forth for a good bit until he just suddenly stopped responding sometime on this past Saturday. I found it odd because he initiated the conversation every time then once I ask him a question about his day, he just stopped texting all of the sudden. I just figured to forget about him then he texted today apologizing for the super late reply and that he hopes I don't think he's disinterested. Then he followed up with saying he's had a busy/fun week and that he "didn't feel like texting". Then he sent another text answering the question I sent days ago. LOL. 

His response was honestly off-putting when he said he didn't feel like texting and kinda confused since he was the one to restart the conversation every time. Not sure if I should just ignore and next him. We didn't even meet in person yet so no genuine interest is established, just thought he was really fun to talk to and get to know over text. Would almost wish he just apologized for the late text and continue the conversation than him apologizing and saying he didn't feel like texting. 

Wanted to know ya'lls thoughts! 

At least he's honest.  Tons of people don't text because they don't feel like it, but they give BS reasons (I was busy with work, I feel asleep) if they give reasons at all.  I do and I'm sure you do.

Edited March 10, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Versacehottie]

Hmmmm, well it sounds like you aren't a priority yet to him.  Which is fine considering your previous disappearance, it's from an app and you haven't gone on date one yet.  

What about hitting him with the middle ground?  It you want to keep the "chance" open and convo going (figuratively), then tease him a little about being a hermit or something.  You want to be lighthearted and not butt hurt, but also call him out for behavior that's somewhat not that attractive in a dating/getting to know you context and really that he shouldn't be admitting. Put very little effort in but continue with just the intention to "explore" ,  that could be for the next five sentences, five days or couple of weeks.  You can still pull the plug at any time.  the hope is that he will step it up and that by showing him he's not that impressive but that you don't turn into a shrew or a nag that he then brings his best/or at least better!  

My guess is that he is somewhat doing payback for you disappearing and being nonchalant about it before.  Chip on his shoulder about it. I think it would be a good experiment for you to do something middle ground without having to do a black or white answer.  If only, to get a better sense of how to practice this middle ground, lighthearted thing for yourself.  Goodluck

[dramafreezone]

OP did you ever apologize for dropping the conversation the first time?

[sushiandtacos]

37 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Initially you refrained from responding for an entire month and he still resumed communication. I sometimes apologize if I am late to respond to a text and other times I don't. But, I'm not sure apologies are warranted, this early on, or for a few days in dropped communication. Try to just enjoy yourself and see if it leads to a date.

The only thing I might pay more attention to is if he initiates text and when you ask questions he goes radio silent. He could be just flakey in general. Or, something else.

Yeah I didn't expect an apology but I was put off a little because I asked him a question and he has his read receipts on so I know he read the message, then he just stopped replying suddenly. I feel like my case is a little different when I didn't respond because we never talked back and forth as much as now. He just sent a pick up line and I never responded so he sent another message a month after. I think it was more off-putting that he told me he didn't feel like texting rather than the disappearance for a few days to which is completely okay in my books if we haven't even had a date yet!

Edited March 11, 2021 by sushiandtacos

[sushiandtacos]

10 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Hmmmm, well it sounds like you aren't a priority yet to him.  Which is fine considering your previous disappearance, it's from an app and you haven't gone on date one yet.  

What about hitting him with the middle ground?  It you want to keep the "chance" open and convo going (figuratively), then tease him a little about being a hermit or something.  You want to be lighthearted and not butt hurt, but also call him out for behavior that's somewhat not that attractive in a dating/getting to know you context and really that he shouldn't be admitting. Put very little effort in but continue with just the intention to "explore" ,  that could be for the next five sentences, five days or couple of weeks.  You can still pull the plug at any time.  the hope is that he will step it up and that by showing him he's not that impressive but that you don't turn into a shrew or a nag that he then brings his best/or at least better!  

My guess is that he is somewhat doing payback for you disappearing and being nonchalant about it before.  Chip on his shoulder about it. I think it would be a good experiment for you to do something middle ground without having to do a black or white answer.  If only, to get a better sense of how to practice this middle ground, lighthearted thing for yourself.  Goodluck

Yeah exactly I totally understand that I'm not a priority nor would I want to be so early at this stage. 

Yeah I might reply but you're right, it's about finding that middle ground to where I noticed he was gone for a few days leaving my question unanswered but not caring enough. Thinking of a reply right now lol. 

I don't think it's a payback situation because when I ignored him, we never conversed back and forth whereas we were talking for a week straight when he disappeared. I was just taken aback to how he said he didn't feel like texting! I honestly wouldn't have minded him just ignoring my question then texting without acknowledging the disappearance for a few days, it's not like he owes me anything! lol 

[sushiandtacos]

8 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

OP did you ever apologize for dropping the conversation the first time?

Well after I didn't reply to his opening message on the app, he followed up saying "is that a yes?". And I said "sorry!" then just proceeded to talk about what he asked lol.

[sushiandtacos]

Wait I just went on the app to look at our convo since it's been a while we talked there and it's mostly on text now, and he unmatched me on the app! either that or he deleted his account, is that odd too? 

[Watercolors]

25 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Wait I just went on the app to look at our convo since it's been a while we talked there and it's mostly on text now, and he unmatched me on the app! either that or he deleted his account, is that odd too? 

Well if you blew him off a month ago because you didn't feel like it I can see why he's noncommittal towards texting with you now. Honestly, what did you expect? You can't string guys along, drop them, then get mad at them when they decide to stop waiting around for you to show interest in them again. 

My thoughts are these: if you want a guy to take you seriously, you need to stop playing these texting games that you are prone to do. 

[Alpacalia]

47 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Yeah I didn't expect an apology but I was put off a little because I asked him a question and he has his read receipts on so I know he read the message, then he just stopped replying suddenly. I feel like my case is a little different when I didn't respond because we never talked back and forth as much as now. He just sent a pick up line and I never responded so he sent another message a month after. I think it was more off-putting that he told me he didn't feel like texting rather than the disappearance for a few days to which is completely okay in my books if we haven't even had a date yet!

What was the "pick-up line" he used and what made you decide to respond back the second time after a month?

[sushiandtacos]

26 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Well if you blew him off a month ago because you didn't feel like it I can see why he's noncommittal towards texting with you now. Honestly, what did you expect? You can't string guys along, drop them, then get mad at them when they decide to stop waiting around for you to show interest in them again. 

My thoughts are these: if you want a guy to take you seriously, you need to stop playing these texting games that you are prone to do. 

But I never had conversations with this guy when I didn't reply, I honestly forgot to reply when I read the message and forgot about it. Then he resurfaced a month later and we talked for a good week both on the app and on text then he disappeared for a few days. It's different than when I didn't respond to him because for one we weren't talking back and forth like when he stopped texting and mine was an honest mistake forgetting when he knew he didn't respond and was intentional...

Also I honestly am not mad at all that he didn't text me back for a few days, I was just put off how he said he didn't feel like texting me. Like I've never had anyone say that to me especially during a "talking stage" with with a guy. I would much rather him not say that and just move on with the conversation lol

Edited March 11, 2021 by sushiandtacos

[sushiandtacos]

7 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

What was the "pick-up line" he used and what made you decide to respond back the second time after a month?

I'll dm you☺️

[Versacehottie]

47 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Yeah exactly I totally understand that I'm not a priority nor would I want to be so early at this stage. 

Yeah I might reply but you're right, it's about finding that middle ground to where I noticed he was gone for a few days leaving my question unanswered but not caring enough. Thinking of a reply right now lol. 

I don't think it's a payback situation because when I ignored him, we never conversed back and forth whereas we were talking for a week straight when he disappeared. I was just taken aback to how he said he didn't feel like texting! I honestly wouldn't have minded him just ignoring my question then texting without acknowledging the disappearance for a few days, it's not like he owes me anything! lol 

Well I think you can't take him that seriously until he proves himself which he's already shown you he can be a little lazy or reclusive (and kinda no filter!).  So if you do keep talking to him, keep in mind that anything you do where you put in even a small amount of effort registers as investment in your mind so you have to be careful that you don't over-invest or invest and want a payout, even if sticking with it for a while garners you additional info where you actually discover he's not worth it at all.  So just be careful of that; keep talking to other guys.  Think of it as fun or info gathering or to learn something about yourself in dating (not necessarily about him).

I'd be a little cautious because perhaps he's reclusive! Lol which is not a good sign for a relationship, a guy that needs to check out for days to recharge.  However, it's also pandemic life and depending on his personal situation sometimes people are feeling like stuff is too much and it's harder to be in a jovial mood or perhaps he has real problems (in which case he probably shouldn't be trying to date).  If you do go forward with dating him, keep a strong eye on things.  Here's the biggest thing: you can trust yourself to walk away and not torpedo other opportunities at this stage (or I hope you can!) so there's no real risk in continuing to find out what he's about.  If you are totally uninspired by him and turned off, then it's a no brainer--stop replying and move on. I think sometimes people take this stuff and themselves way too seriously as if moving forward even an inch with him is a danger to you.  It's your life--as long as you keep your wits about you, you can walk away at any time.  Don't over invest at this stage--which is how you should be managing things regardless.  And obviously be careful that you don't waste time by ignoring additional info you get.  His judgement or bluntness is a little suspect soooooo there's that.  But he probably won't be the first or last guy you meet with a little (or more) of being blunt or lacking in judgment. 

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

At least he's honest.  Tons of people don't text because they don't feel like it, but they give BS reasons (I was busy with work, I feel asleep) if they give reasons at all.  I do and I'm sure you do.

It's more tactful to say you were busy than to say "I didn't want to."  In the initial courting stages, if people are unsure as to exactly how they feel, sometimes a little bit of space is necessary.

Now, of course, I would never advocate for outright lying.  However, a little white lie or omission of a fact which could potentially be misconstrued isn't the worst crime someone could commit.

I'm not suggesting that what the guy did was right.  It's a bit lousy that he just decided drop off communication all of a sudden.  What I am saying, though, is that I don't think this guy is well considered with his words.

[sushiandtacos]

36 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Well I think you can't take him that seriously until he proves himself which he's already shown you he can be a little lazy or reclusive (and kinda no filter!).  So if you do keep talking to him, keep in mind that anything you do where you put in even a small amount of effort registers as investment in your mind so you have to be careful that you don't over-invest or invest and want a payout, even if sticking with it for a while garners you additional info where you actually discover he's not worth it at all.  So just be careful of that; keep talking to other guys.  Think of it as fun or info gathering or to learn something about yourself in dating (not necessarily about him).

I'd be a little cautious because perhaps he's reclusive! Lol which is not a good sign for a relationship, a guy that needs to check out for days to recharge.  However, it's also pandemic life and depending on his personal situation sometimes people are feeling like stuff is too much and it's harder to be in a jovial mood or perhaps he has real problems (in which case he probably shouldn't be trying to date).  If you do go forward with dating him, keep a strong eye on things.  Here's the biggest thing: you can trust yourself to walk away and not torpedo other opportunities at this stage (or I hope you can!) so there's no real risk in continuing to find out what he's about.  If you are totally uninspired by him and turned off, then it's a no brainer--stop replying and move on. I think sometimes people take this stuff and themselves way too seriously as if moving forward even an inch with him is a danger to you.  It's your life--as long as you keep your wits about you, you can walk away at any time.  Don't over invest at this stage--which is how you should be managing things regardless.  And obviously be careful that you don't waste time by ignoring additional info you get.  His judgement or bluntness is a little suspect soooooo there's that.  But he probably won't be the first or last guy you meet with a little (or more) of being blunt or lacking in judgment. 

Yeah I'm all for him recharging and not talking for a few days especially with everything going on! 

You're def right though, it's definitely still early and doesn't hurt to keep talking to him. My thing is though every message is a tiny bit of investment like you said so trying to be careful and decipher whether I should message him or not. It's definitely a yellow flag though him being reclusive and being so upfront about how he didn't feel like texting me lol. Trying to decide right now if his bluntness is a turn off for me and enough for me to discontinue talking haha. 

[sushiandtacos]

10 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

It's more tactful to say you were busy than to say "I didn't want to."  In the initial courting stages, if people are unsure as to exactly how they feel, sometimes a little bit of space is necessary.

Now, of course, I would never advocate for outright lying.  However, a little white lie or omission of a fact which could potentially be misconstrued isn't the worst crime someone could commit.

I'm not suggesting that what the guy did was right.  It's a bit lousy that he just decided drop off communication all of a sudden.  What I am saying, though, is that I don't think this guy is well considered with his words.

EXACTLY! By all means take all the space, he doesn't owe me anything! But I already know he didn't feel like messaging me when I saw that he read my message and decided to ignore me. No need to tell me that he didn't feel like talking to me, it's definitely tactless to say that instead of just saying he was busy. Almost seems like texting me is a chore.

[Versacehottie]

4 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

EXACTLY! By all means take all the space, he doesn't owe me anything! But I already know he didn't feel like messaging me when I saw that he read my message and decided to ignore me. No need to tell me that he didn't feel like talking to me, it's definitely tactless to say that instead of just saying he was busy. Almost seems like texting me is a chore.

This is where I totally agree with Trail Blazer....the tactless, clueless answer and putting the obligation type feeling onto you is a turn off if that is a real indication of who he is and how he is.  

As long as you have control of yourself, it doesn't really "cost" much to keep talking to him to make sure you are not too quick to judge and learn something about yourself and interacting with others.  As long as you don't get bitter, burned out or overly invested, it can be a learning experience. Just take it with a grain of salt. and keep your expectations very low.  But if he treats you like a chore again, I'd pass for sure.

[d0nnivain]

He used a poor word choice.  Stop thinking every text is an investment.  It's not.  It's a time waster.  Move to a meet or assume it's all meaningless, throw away texts which have very little value.  

[Wiseman2]

Moving from a dating app to a messaging app is a lateral move if there's no interest in meeting.

To avoid OLD burnout, skip texting too much and cut to the chase about meeting. It helps rule out the uninterested ones, timewasters and flakes.

Next time, exchange a few messages and if they won't meet in a timely manner, just move forward.

Texting is not dating. Texting is cheap, lazy and anyone can text from a toilet, while doing something else or from their partner's home.

[sushiandtacos]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

He used a poor word choice.  Stop thinking every text is an investment.  It's not.  It's a time waster.  Move to a meet or assume it's all meaningless, throw away texts which have very little value.  

You don't think it's a yellow/red flag? Yeah not sure if we keep talking it would lead to meeting up honestly.

[d0nnivain]

1 minute ago, sushiandtacos said:

You don't think it's a yellow/red flag? Yeah not sure if we keep talking it would lead to meeting up honestly.

Maybe a very pale yellow flag.  In the beginning, you always have to proceed cautiously. 

If talking isn't leading up to meeting, what is the point of talking?  See the point made by @Wiseman2 above.  Move on. 

[amygirl908]

13 hours ago, sushiandtacos said:

Wait I just went on the app to look at our convo since it's been a while we talked there and it's mostly on text now, and he unmatched me on the app! either that or he deleted his account, is that odd too? 

This is sketchy. This alone would be enough for me to move on. If he unmatched you he’s trying to hide something or trying to make some stupid power play or he’s simply not interested anymore. This ends badly every time.