I don't know where i stand now. Confused! Long but straightforward.

[SomeDayIWillKnow]

It's been 9 months since me and my ex first broke up. And during that 9 months we have been up and down like a rollercoaster. Our relationship lasted 6 long years, with the last two and half being bad mostly due to my negligence and lack of maturity. I had a temper, didn't pay her attention and didn't fully support her through her endeavours. I also have to mention we were both very young when it started, and it was very much puppy love. Another fact also is that we were both expected to get married by everyone and had already assimilated into each other's families. Her family loved me and mine loved her. And this girl, was the most traditional, loving girlfriend any man could have.

 

When we first broke up, I begged and did all the classic things. We 'tried' to get back together after knowing she had a slight relationship with someone else, someone that could take care of her emotionally when i couldn't. I think it was also the excitement of this new relationship that captured her, since ours was going stale. Well, getting back together didn't work out since I was not in the right state of mind, crying out of the blue and talking about the relationship incessantly. So eventually in January, she let it go and told me it couldn't work out. I let her go, and we both cried while doing it. She told me maybe our paths would cross again.

 

So she goes out with that person i spoke of before, while I slowly over the weeks turned into a wreck, staying at home, no friends, being depressed and analysing every little thing about everything. BUT i did no contact. And one morning i woke up and decided to better myself. My shrink sorted my mental issues and i worked out, bought clothes and looked good. And my attitude towards life changed, i was no longer negative. Everybody saw it. One day we communicated on MSN, it was about financial stuff, but we did start talking a little, and that was it. I also did bump into her at her work place a few times and she would give me a cheeky smile and that was it. I didnt push it, i knew she was with someone.

 

So almost two months of near-perfect NC, and I bump into her while trying to genuinely pass something to her mother. The first time i was bitter, and sort of cold, and i could tell she was upset by it but told me i had all the right. One week later, it was valentines and i felt bad, so i got a flower and a card and dropped it at her place and said I just couldnt stand not doing anything for valentines, so. And she smiled, hugged me, and i left a sweet note. A few days later i genuinely again had to pass her mother something and she happened to be there. This time, we sat and talked. I didnt talk about the relationship and just talked about both our lives and it was beautiful like we just met. We ended up kissing, and i went home. A few days later, i called and she said she had broken up with otherperson, and told him she missed me. that moment she said lets talk, lets be open, so went somewhere alone and just talked it out, she cried a lot and said how sorry she was. I said I forgive her. So chapter two starts.

 

We took it slow. I told her she needs to have her own life, and me my own. So we did. But over the next month or so, she started to be colder again and eventually told me she wasnt sure again, and that she was so sorry for doing this to me. I can say now that this girl was honest and genuine and I could tell she was 21, a woman and very confused. So for the next six months, it was hot and cold. We would see each other sometimes twice in a week, sometimes not for a few weeks. And most of the time, i initiated. And i realised that if I dont call for a while ,she would message me. This happened for six months. We even slept with each other a few times.

 

What I could honestly gather from all the talks i've had with her, to make things short :

 

1. She is very very confused, and it is mostly about life. She says she isn't sure what she wants from life.

 

2. She knows she wants to have children, and has mentioned she always thought i would be the father of her children.

 

3. She doesnt not want to have a relationship right now, but apparently if she did want to have one, she would want it with me. But i don't know how true this is.

 

4. She has seen me change and mature, and I have seen her change and mature as well. She likes me grown-up. I have not lost my temper in all 9 months of limbo, when in fact she has.

 

5. She says she is enjoying her independece right now.

 

But all through the 9 months, she was reasonably loving, not completely, but she would kiss me on the lips, hold my hand etc. But it was not moving any faster. I knew she was not with anyone else, my town is small.

 

So last week, I got very very tired of waiting, and wanted things to move along. I wanted it official. And i think i might have made a mistake. I met up with her and said I think things might not be working out. I said there is this other girl, who likes me, and actually wants to have a relationship with me. This is true. I told her I would rather be with her (my-ex) than the other girl, but the difference is that this girl actually wants to try at something, and I'm not losing that chance. She was yet still so caring and said she didnt want to take away from me the things i need, like love and hence didn't want me to wait. I said well, if she wants to be alone but still wants me eventually i will wait a lifetime. She said she is so scared at the end of waiting, she might say no. So I said, I will give it a week, and if she wants to give it a go, give me a call, or else don't call me at all.

 

Bad idea. One week. No call. And i thought i made it easier by doing it the way I did, and its not. I sit here broken and upset, not even wanting the slightest bit to be with the other girl. I am scrambling. I am thinking maybe I should call her eventually and tell her I actually don't want to be with that girl, that I would wait some more. Another side of me tells me that at the start of the year NC worked, and it will work again. I am so scared that she thinks I have already gone off with the other girl. That I have given up, when in my heart it is far from it.

 

And now i think back, I think maybe we were taking it slow and i was impatient. She did ask me for breakfast one morning. Another thing is that I onced asked her only a few weeks ago 'Do you think you want to get back together eventually?' and she said i think so. I am scrambling and i am depressed. Help me, PLEASE. Just give thoughts, opinions, anything. I thank you in advance. I think I regret my decision. But i am dealing better than in January.

[Princess1975]

Well SDIWK... My best advice is for you to give her time, but be there. Be present in her life in a non-pushy way, just like friends. I'd say that time is our best friend always, but she needs to feel relaxed and willing to start again, and while you'll be pushing it, she'll be pulling away from you.

 

So my advice is, give her the space and time she needs, but be there as friendy and understanding as possible. She'll be happy for that and I'm pretty sure that if there's love between you guys, you'll be together again soon.

 

Just one thing, don't stop living... Be there, but live your life... OK??

 

Good luck!