Free Butterfly Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 Here is the thing. A guy contacted me on FB to wish me happy birthday by direct message. It is somebody from a group of friends when I used to live in that city couple of years ago. He was very honest and told me that he likes me and used to like me then (but I was in a relationship at the time). He also mentioned he would like to meet me and said he hoped I am not in a relationship anymore. Apparently he has been thinking about me. I know him that well that it must have taken a lot of courage to tell me that. However, I had a feeling at that time already. There was a very strong chemistry whenever we were in each other´s company. He also mentioned that. It is also true that I do like him as well and I have been thinking about this for last few days. He just surprised me completely, I did not expect this too happen. The next day I texted him for good morning but it was a quick discussion. Since then I haven´t heard from him. I have to say that I have been in a relationship for 7 years and I am completely lost, I honestly do not know what to expect, what to do, if there is to do something. Perhaps the fact that I come from toxic relationship does not help to rationally think. I am still shocked because I don´t understand why now and have no clue what is happening. Furthermore, he was actively texting on that day, however on the next day he almost stopped. I am aware he is not a FB type of person. I initiated a discussion to meet the day after. He told me to let him know when I am around his city and I replied I will and that he can also let me know when he has time. After that, nothing else. Any advice, opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 If you are in a relationship & have been for 7 years you need to sort that out before you engage with this man. It's unfair to everyone for you to be wondering & playing what if games with him when you are not truly free to do so. If your present relationship is toxic get out of it regardless of what this blast from the past wants. For you to just jump from a toxic relationship to this guy with no break, with no time for reflection, without really knowing this man from long ago presently is a disaster waiting to happen. BTW the blast from the past guy simmered down because your responses were equivocal. He knows something is up by your lukewarm response. You didn't say OMG you're back & fall into his arms which you can't do because you are in a relationship but he understands that you didn't say I will be in your city on ____ date let's get together which he took as a tepid response at best. It doesn't matter because you have to deal with your current relationship before you move on to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Free Butterfly Posted March 11, 2021 Author Share Posted March 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: If you are in a relationship & have been for 7 years you need to sort that out before you engage with this man. It's unfair to everyone for you to be wondering & playing what if games with him when you are not truly free to do so. If your present relationship is toxic get out of it regardless of what this blast from the past wants. For you to just jump from a toxic relationship to this guy with no break, with no time for reflection, without really knowing this man from long ago presently is a disaster waiting to happen. BTW the blast from the past guy simmered down because your responses were equivocal. He knows something is up by your lukewarm response. You didn't say OMG you're back & fall into his arms which you can't do because you are in a relationship but he understands that you didn't say I will be in your city on ____ date let's get together which he took as a tepid response at best. It doesn't matter because you have to deal with your current relationship before you move on to him. Apologies as I haven´t made myself clear. I am not in the relationship anymore. I have been single (divorced) since last summer. The relationship has been both toxic and violent and I believe I got out of it too late. I noticed it messed with my head and I built some sort of a block in order to prevent getting hurt. I also didn´t want to sound too enthusiastic as honestly I don´t know how to do this anymore. I feel like I am in the dark now because I don´t know how to continue. It was really a pleasant surprise when he texted me and I don´t want to stop there. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 OK. If you are single & want to see where this can go, do that. Did you tell him you were happy to hear from him? If not, do so. Do you have plans to be in his city? Can you make one, sooner rather than later? Let him know & set something up. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 (edited) Meet for a brief coffee. Catch up and find out what the story is with him. However be cautioned that when someone from the past suddenly appears, they have their reasons. Edited March 11, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 So let him know when you will be around his city...specify a date, and see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Free Butterfly Posted March 14, 2021 Author Share Posted March 14, 2021 Well, honestly I am confused. I suggested a date but he said we will see as he is apparently helping his sister. Apart from this message, nothing else. He pulled back after the day of his ´confession´ and I have no clue what is happening now. I hate being in the dark, I have been before and I refuse to go through the same thing again. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 15 minutes ago, Free Butterfly said: I refuse to go through the same thing again. Sounds sketchy. Maybe he's living with someone. Who knows? Just forget about it. When someone from the past suddenly reappears, it is for their own agenda. Link to post Share on other sites
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