My Ex wants coffee, after 4.5 months. Confused

October 16, 2005

Hi, I need some Help. (Sorry it is a bit long)

Firstly i can normally work out other peoples problems, but beingpart of the problem. I can not get my head straight.

My Ex live in girlfriend wants to meet for a coffee after a messy break-up 4 and a half months earlier

Our History

My age is 35, i look very young gor my age and my Ex girlfriend is 21 and very pretty.

I am not a person who prays on young girls, we meet at work and hit it off 15 months before the break-up

Well we had a good relationship for about 6 months, then it went bad see she use to like to drink alot and we would argue over rubbish problems.

See my Ex used to run off, back to her parents house after arguments and not contact me for a few days, we had a very big argument which became physical. Not bad, but she and i both did wrong. See she never forgot what happened.

she convinced herself i was a evil person, no matter what i tried she would always bring it up. But she wouldn,t say anything about what she did.

Anyhowthe running off got more frequent, at one stage after we both got physical, she left for 5 weeks and then return.

Like each time, we would sit and cry. Say we loved each other and no arguemnts.

Well the final argument, was the last ime i saw love in her eyes.

My Ex, was 20 at our last argument and had just celebrated her 21st.

Well 3 weeks later we had a argument and she went home again, this was a tiny argument about something i don,t even remember.

That argument happened on a Friday and she contacted me on the wednesday, which was the day i sent her flowers to tell her i loved her.

Well we meet up and talked, lots of tears and promises. All seemed fine, this was a great talk we both argreed we needed each other.

We both returned to our apartment together, my ex wanted to be intimate. But i was mentally exhausted, from the 5 days of her being away and the talk we had.

I held her all night.

Well then the next day arrives and she is getting nervous, because she is planning a party for her 21st weeks earlier.

We had alittle argument about this guy she hung with who was 31, she found him interesting i think. He was not a handsome fellow. So i think she just liked him around. I didn,t because i knew what he was after.

So anyhow, i said i didn,t want him at her party and she said she would rather me there with her, because she loved me. I knew she wasn,t happy about him not coming, i was thou and that made her happy. This is two days before her party.

Well i arrive home that night, after work and planned a night out for us, to get things started on repairing our relationship and follow my promises.

Well i don,t hear from my Ex, so i get worried and ring her parents i arrive home at around 4.00pm and called her parents house around 7.30.

My ex,s brother answered. He has a minor mental disorder, i asked if he heard from the Ex and he said yes she was out with her mate and said she would be home later, he couldn,t remember if she meant my house or parents.

So around 10.30 my mobile rings and the Ex is drunk, saying hi and she was getting dinner do i want any. so i just said whatever and said see you soon.

I had felt very angry she didn,t call me earlier, so i tried to calm down.

Well me Ex arrived home, didn,t even say sorry. just wanted a cuddle.

After a while i asked why didn,t you call and ahe jus walked off. So i got upset and we argued about this guy she said some things and so did i.

She left, she rang me 3 weeks later and was nasty and said we will never be togther and she doesn,t like me. That was 4 and a half months ago.

I still love her deeply and can,t stop thinking about her.

I recieved a call from a friend, that my Ex and sent a letter there fo me.

As i had changed my number and she couldn,t call me, as my Ex did with her number.

The letter suggested we meet up sometime for a coffee and if i didn,t want to she would understand. She wrote down her new number as well hoped i was well. She stated that she knows her letter would spin my head around.

I asked my friend to remove her number and could i see the letter.

I didn,t want to freak out and start calling her.

The confusion for me is i am still deeply in love with her and remember what was said about not liking me anymore and i would never her from her.

So i wrote her a letter, due to arrive in the next day or two.

In brief this is what i wrote. i also attached a letter stating the lyrics to a song to which stated how i felt and burnt a CD for her.

Letter in brief

Yes I got your note, to answer your question for coffee. NO.

I wanted to write you a long letter, but decided not to. I heard this song today, so I decided to let it do the talking.

You can read the lyrics and listen to the CD, might answer any questions you may have had for me.

This is what I would have written and sung to you, if I was to put in words about how I feel at this second.

The only thing I will say is I don’t know why you treated me so badly. I fought to keep you happy and you know that to be true.

I only got upset, because i was so upset and worried about you. But you didn’t care.

Every promise I made you, was the truth and from the heart, but you chose to fight against us. I loved you more than life it’s self.

I will never be with another woman. That I can honestly say is the truth. I know you don’t believe it, I do.

I gave you all, heart and soul. I was always there for you. You were my glass angel. I would have stood by you, forever.

I will never trust or love anyone ever again. So

I will never hate you, but seeing you will hurt me more than I can put into words.

Couldn’t see you and walk away again. You made your choices.

I am sure you will realise one day, how much I loved you. Which I told you, over and over again.

Don’t write back to be abusive & hurtful

Song

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I wondered if i should of meet up, but she hurt me and was scared to be hurt again.

I am not sure why now she wants to meet, friends tell me she wants me back they think. As she made a effort, i.e. wrote letter, posted it and had to locate friends address.

i have never felt a love so strong for anyone but her.

Q: 4 and a half months, contacted after a messy break-up.

Umm how do girls think, i would love to see her but not to be hurt, i wonder if it seems lioke she might resend a letter or even contact my friend, who didn,t get along with her.

See i feel like i would take her back in a heartbet, she has been with other people, i can,t. i would care, just want her back.

I am wondering if anyone has thoughts on this situation, do i jsut sit back and wait?

Please be nice, when commenting. but true feeling and thoughts would be great.

P.s. i couldn,t just be friends, as my feelings are strong.

She knows that.

Contacted why?

October 16, 2005

Take an arm's-length view of this:

She's a drinker;
Whenever there's an argument, she scampers off to her parent's place and refuses to communicate with you;
It sounds like she's physically abusive (and you may be too);
It sounds like she's hot/cold, which is a classic manipulative technique;
You two seem to argue a lot.

OK, so you're still in love with her.

GET OVER IT.

She's doing you no good whatsoever. Move on.

October 18, 2005

I didn't read your post - I apologize - I just wanna say that if the word coffee is involved between and ex and youself - you better be prepared to say "no dice", or you better be prepared for drama. I just caved into coffee and we've been broken up for alot longer then that time period. Believe me - no cup of tea LOL

November 6, 2005

Hey dude I have been in a similar situation but its been 11mths for me and we started talking again about a month ago just dont talk about anything too deep. keep ur heart intact dont let it run your brain. If it gets too much go overseas and drink until you dont feel feelings. You have to flush her outta your system, It takes ages but its the only way. and i think your too worried about having a relationship thats y ur not married as it is. so relax when an oppurtunity is presented evaluate good, bad or ugly the go or dont, and btw it is an awsome song i was actually looking for tabs hehe