ExpatInItaly Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 36 minutes ago, hello259 said: I could do that. I just feel bad, that this whole thing got ruined this way and has to end.. It could have turned into a great beautiful connection had he been normally talking to me & stayed consistent & connected.. This is what I can’t get past You have no way of knowing that, though. It could have just as easily wound up the same way if you'd actually dated. You're idealizing who you want him to be, rather than getting with real with yourself about who he actually is. It would be best to take the focus off of him, and concentrate instead on you and what led you to attach yourself to him like this. For example, how is your self-esteem in general? Have you had boyfriends before? If so, what have those relationships looked like? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello259 Posted March 14, 2021 Author Share Posted March 14, 2021 (edited) Ok. So i guess i should no longer care about whether i look ‘nice’ in his eyes either? All along, i’ve never lashed out, been kind, spoken nicely, mature, told him i accept him for who he is (he was insecure about a certain physical aspect).. I guess doesn’t matter if i’m nice or arrogant to him from here on.. i might as well be arrogant/careless i may feel better?. cuz I was nice and this is still how he behaved Edited March 14, 2021 by hello259 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, hello259 said: Ok. So i guess i should no longer care about whether i look ‘nice’ in his eyes either? Exactly. You need to stop worrying abou thow you look to him. He isn't paying that much attention. In short: stop choosing your behaviour based on the response you think it will elicit from him. He isn't doing the same for you, I promise. 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: how is your self-esteem in general? Have you had boyfriends before? If so, what have those relationships looked like? Could you respond to these questions? Edited March 14, 2021 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello259 Posted March 14, 2021 Author Share Posted March 14, 2021 (edited) Sure, let me slowly think and respond to that. Overall, what do you all think about this guy? POS? as someone said. Just wanted fun and timepass? whenever i ignore, he will NEVER question, never say things like haven’t heard from you etc etc.. first i thought he is so nice & easy going by not questioning.. Now i think it’s because he doesn’t care enough to Edited March 14, 2021 by hello259 Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 23 hours ago, hello259 said: Yes agreed. I understand this. I know it sounds immature, but I tried talking to him once on fake account as another girl to see if he responds better, & he did talk much more than what he ever spoke with me..asking how’s your day, sharing things etc.. This really hurt me to the core, would it not hurt you? After indicating he likes me & blah blah.. so u can see why i have the resentment.. If i have been close with him, its his responsibility to be consistent.. forget romance, even as a friend.. sure he doesn’t owe me, but that’s what a GOOD friend will do.. So now , Im trying to get over this thought of “ I was so good to this person, i am a good catch.. and they were so scarce with me when this could have turned out to be a nice friendship” Not sure how to get this thought out of my system.. Oh, this is bad, very bad. You created a fake account .... blah, blah. Do you really want to be the kind of person who does this type of thing? It's out of hand. Seriously please block him and move on. You are way too invested in someone who does not care about you. It sucks but you need to let this guy go. You are losing your dignity with him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, hello259 said: Sure, let me slowly think and respond to that. So, you're essentially just avoiding answering very basic questions that might actually help you figure out why you have fixated on this person. I don't get the impression that you genuinely want to help yourself. Edited March 14, 2021 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello259 Posted March 15, 2021 Author Share Posted March 15, 2021 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: So, you're essentially just avoiding answering very basic questions that might actually help you figure out why you have fixated on this person. I don't get the impression that you genuinely want to help yourself. Yes i had relations before and as i said, no one was like this. The guys were consistent, reaching out, asking hows day, etc.. Initiating meeting.. taking days off to spend time, would go out to places etc.. So i never had a relation where i felt like I was being thrown crumbs & treated inconsistently, which is why i find this so appaling. I have so much resentment for this POS, i don’t know how to let go of this resentment & hurt sad.. I can’t help it I’m extremely sad & feel like I was done wrong seeing his careless jovial behavior, I’m not able tolerate it, i don’t know what to do. He knew he was hurting me right? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 6 hours ago, hello259 said: I have so much resentment for this POS, i don’t know how to let go of this resentment & hurt sad.. I can’t help it I’m extremely sad & feel like I was done wrong seeing his careless jovial behavior, I’m not able tolerate it, i don’t know what to do. He knew he was hurting me right? You do, but you're refusing to do it; block him. You are standing in your own way. Nobody but you can help you, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 6 hours ago, hello259 said: He knew he was hurting me right? It's unlikely. It was a one night stand and he would have assumed that you'd be Ok with it being what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello259 Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 Hi, if anyone is reading.. Just for fun, let me list out all the behaviors from this POS that i experienced, & I would love to hear your guys’ thoughts & how you would have proceeded & handled this person & what you would’ve felt? - One time we had planned to meet, he canceled one hour before saying have to get friend at airport - one time we planned to meet, canceled 2 hours before saying he’s hurt himself playing a sport, but can meet after 9pm??! what? - one time we planned to meet, canceled 10 min before saying work stuff - one friday evening he said ‘lets meet tomorrow’ - meaning Saturday. Never pinged me the entire day on Saturday. I was even out at lounge & i posted a pic of my drink & he saw & commented something but didn’t mention meeting up . Horrible?! - would not even properly reply to me, once i texted & said I can see u today.. No reply at all. Unbelievable.. - the day after we got intimate, did not text or keep in contact for entire week after that, then after 5 days texted & asked “ what u doing” oh so casually.. So your thoughts? For all of this, i never made a fuss.. i reacted calmly said “Ok its ok”... but internally i felt bad.. i have a lot of resentment inside for this person... he needs to feel hurt, bad.. just as i did... Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 2 hours ago, hello259 said: So your thoughts? For all of this, i never made a fuss.. i reacted calmly said “Ok its ok”... but internally i felt bad.. i have a lot of resentment inside for this person... he needs to feel hurt, bad.. just as i did... My thoughts are WTF are you doing allowing yourself to be treated this way? Are there no other options? Being alone is better. Wait, because of the way he treats you, you are alone much of the time with whatever scraps he throws you here and there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello259 Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 1 hour ago, trident_2020 said: My thoughts are WTF are you doing allowing yourself to be treated this way? Are there no other options? Being alone is better. Wait, because of the way he treats you, you are alone much of the time with whatever scraps he throws you here and there. 😞 i know, i thought i would look nice & easy going in his eyes, & he feel like I’m a good catch.. I’m curious what do you have to say about this guy from everything i listed above? Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 My thoughts are that he isn't reliable, you aren't a priority in his life, and he has little to no respect for you and you give him no reason to change because you seem to lack self respect as well. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, hello259 said: So your thoughts? As I said before, I think he's got another woman (or women) in his life that he priroritizes. You're someone who fills in the gaps between other women. And you are nuts to continuously allow this and think being a doormat is somehow going to make him like you. Obviously that hasn't worked, has it? He doesn't have those feelings for you and you need to examine where your self-worth is. Edited March 22, 2021 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
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