Snakesalive Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Vivalavi said: If he didn't care, I would feel used. I was just a toy fullfiling his porn inspired fantasies. I need him to care, because otherwise I was wrong about him those whole time when thinking he is better than some cold-hearted user. How physical has the affair got? Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 6 hours ago, Vivalavi said: I think his hot and cold games were to keep me confused, desperate and hungry for more. It was intermittent reinforcement just like BaileyB said before. When we started to talk a year ago, he said he can't give me all I want because he likes to keep me on the edge... Childish mind games. Men like to do that to women in these situations. Keep them guessing. It's like text games where you can see a text has been read but he doesn't answer for hours or days. It's about control. He's getting such a kick of out of this. I wonder if he plays the same daft games with his wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 Just now, NYAG said: Childish mind games. Men like to do that to women in these situations. Keep them guessing. It's like text games where you can see a text has been read but he doesn't answer for hours or days. It's about control. He's getting such a kick of out of this. I wonder if he plays the same daft games with his wife. Absolutely-it’s hard fir the OP to understand how he gets a kick out of her behaviour because it’s not how she would behave . Agree he probably doesn’t play these games with his wife because he doesn’t need to 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Snakesalive said: Agree he probably doesn’t play these games with his wife because he doesn’t need to Perhaps he can’t play these kind of games with his wife, because she won’t tolerate it. Ot perhaps he doesn’t play these kind of games with his wife because he respects her enough not to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Vivalavi said: Why is he doing this to me??? Because he can. He is having his fun with you Vivalani and you continue to allow him to do it. He is preying on the fact that he knows you want him... he is preying on the knowledge that you will stay regardless of how outrageous he may be... In much the same way that a bully preys on the weakness of the person they bully - he knows he can treat you poorly and that you will return for more. The reason he knows this is because that is what you have done in the past... 8 hours ago, Vivalavi said: Why??! Why do you say stuff like this if you know how I feel? Because it’s not about you. He is thinking only about himself. How you feel doesn’t matter to him - it matters only in that he is able to get what he wants. Based on everything you describe, it would seem that he is actually that arrogant and entitled. It would also seem that he likes to push your buttons... Edited May 28, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: Perhaps he can’t play these kind of games with his wife, because she won’t tolerate it. Ot perhaps he doesn’t play these kind of games with his wife because he respects her enough not to. Exactly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 4 hours ago, Snakesalive said: Absolutely-it’s hard fir the OP to understand how he gets a kick out of her behaviour because it’s not how she would behave . Agree he probably doesn’t play these games with his wife because he doesn’t need to Also his wife is probably immune to his silly games by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted May 28, 2021 Author Share Posted May 28, 2021 11 hours ago, Snakesalive said: How physical has the affair got? Fully physical. He was kinda pushing to try things he haven't before, but I wasn't ready. And stupidly enough, he wasn't using any protection except once and I let him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted May 28, 2021 Author Share Posted May 28, 2021 5 hours ago, BaileyB said: Because he can. He is having his fun with you Vivalani and you continue to allow him to do it. He is preying on the fact that he knows you want him... he is preying on the knowledge that you will stay regardless of how outrageous he may be... In much the same way that a bully preys on the weakness of the person they bully - he knows he can treat you poorly and that you will return for more. The reason he knows this is because that is what you have done in the past... Because it’s not about you. He is thinking only about himself. How you feel doesn’t matter to him - it matters only in that he is able to get what he wants. Based on everything you describe, it would seem that he is actually that arrogant and entitled. It would also seem that he likes to push your buttons... The thing that fooled me is how charming and nice he is to everyone. So naturally, I thought he is better than being one that uses others or feels entitled. However, I noticed that each time we talk about how good he is or how he makes me feel with his touch and such, he keeps asking and wanting to know more. And then he pulls "being a drug" favorite phrase. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted May 28, 2021 Author Share Posted May 28, 2021 2 hours ago, stillafool said: Also his wife is probably immune to his silly games by now. His wife seems so sweet! Typical nice, every Sunday in church kinda girl. Literally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted May 28, 2021 Author Share Posted May 28, 2021 3 hours ago, Snakesalive said: Exactly I'm not sure how much respect he has for her if he cheats on her. There are times when he texts me with her next to him. I could see her in his snaps several times due to his glasses reflection. I also heard him talking to her on a phone going a little annoyed. And then, when I was teaching him my native language words he said he is going to call her b*tch in my language. He laughed it off but I didn't find it funny at all. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 8 minutes ago, Vivalavi said: The thing that fooled me is how charming and nice he is to everyone. So naturally, I thought he is better than being one that uses others or feels entitled. However, I noticed that each time we talk about how good he is or how he makes me feel with his touch and such, he keeps asking and wanting to know more. And then he pulls "being a drug" favorite phrase. That to me isn’t charming and nice - that’s arrogant and conceited. And, considering that he is also being charming and nice while flirting with other women and having serial affairs - that’s entitled behavior. Honestly - of course he is charming and nice - he’s trying to entice women to sleep with him (a MM). He would have to be charming and nice or they would tell him to bug off. You need to assess character in more ways than charming and nice. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Vivalavi said: His wife seems so sweet! Typical nice, every Sunday in church kinda girl. Literally. Church girls and Preacher's daughters are the biggest freaks. LOL! She may be really sweet though. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Vivalavi said: Fully physical. He was kinda pushing to try things he haven't before, but I wasn't ready. And stupidly enough, he wasn't using any protection except once and I let him. Why would you have sex with a MM without protection? Do you want to become a statistic? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 1 hour ago, stillafool said: Why would you have sex with a MM without protection? Do you want to become a statistic? And why would you have sex with a MM when you’re a MW -is life in that situation not complicated enough ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 2 hours ago, Vivalavi said: I'm not sure how much respect he has for her if he cheats on her. There are times when he texts me with her next to him. I could see her in his snaps several times due to his glasses reflection. I also heard him talking to her on a phone going a little annoyed. And then, when I was teaching him my native language words he said he is going to call her b*tch in my language. He laughed it off but I didn't find it funny at all. Hmm I think k you actually do - I think the fact he is willing to use that kind of language about his wife makes you feel slightly superior -as if your winning - believe me you are not 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted May 28, 2021 Author Share Posted May 28, 2021 32 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: And why would you have sex with a MM when you’re a MW -is life in that situation not complicated enough ? It is complicated more than enough. I missed passion, desire, and playfulness. My husband and I didn't kiss for about 6-7 years. Sex, once in a while, feels more like a chore. I'm not physically attracted to him but what pushed me away was the way he treated me. I'm not emotionally connect to him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted May 28, 2021 Author Share Posted May 28, 2021 32 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: Hmm I think k you actually do - I think the fact he is willing to use that kind of language about his wife makes you feel slightly superior -as if your winning - believe me you are not I'm not winning and would not think that. She is a mother if his child. There is no winning for me. I just think he might not respect her as much as she deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Vivalavi said: It is complicated more than enough. I missed passion, desire, and playfulness. My husband and I didn't kiss for about 6-7 years. Sex, once in a while, feels more like a chore. I'm not physically attracted to him but what pushed me away was the way he treated me. I'm not emotionally connect to him anymore. So now I understand what you think this guy gives you -maybe I’m missing somewhere here and please correct me -aren’t you still married and living with your husband? If so why don’t you leave? Edited May 28, 2021 by Snakesalive Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 10 minutes ago, Vivalavi said: I'm not winning and would not think that. She is a mother if his child. There is no winning for me. I just think he might not respect her as much as she deserves. If you thought she deserved respect you wouldn’t be where you are now -I’m sorry but I think you’re kidding yourself here Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted May 28, 2021 Author Share Posted May 28, 2021 7 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: So now I understand what you think this guy gives you -maybe I’m missing somewhere here and please correct me -aren’t you still married and living with your husband? If so why don’t you leave? I like MM. I have feelings for him. If I didn't care I would never let him to touch me. I have been with my H since I was 17. I'm in my late 30s now. I never found enough strength to leave him. Thinking I would never find someone or making it on my own in a foreign country and no family. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 6 minutes ago, Vivalavi said: I like MM. Not really. You like what you think he brings to your life... which is different than what he actually brings, which is very little. Lets play the what-if game, what-if he was your husband? You would still be unhappy because the sex would go out of that relationship too eventually. You wouldn’t be emotionally connected to him - you would tire pretty quickly of his self-importance. How can one be emotionally connected to a man who thinks primarily of themselves. And then, there is the fact that you aren’t his one and only affair partner - he’s flirting with anybody who wears a skirt at the office. There’s no happiness of joy to be found in that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Vivalavi said: I'm not winning and would not think that. She is a mother if his child. There is no winning for me. I just think he might not respect her as much as she deserves. He probably thinks the same about you and your husband. Neither of you seem to repect your spouses or this wouldn't be happening. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted May 29, 2021 Share Posted May 29, 2021 21 hours ago, BaileyB said: Perhaps he can’t play these kind of games with his wife, because she won’t tolerate it. Ot perhaps he doesn’t play these kind of games with his wife because he respects her enough not to. Yeah, she probably won't take that kind of s*** from him. Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted May 29, 2021 Share Posted May 29, 2021 22 hours ago, Snakesalive said: Absolutely-it’s hard fir the OP to understand how he gets a kick out of her behaviour because it’s not how she would behave . Agree he probably doesn’t play these games with his wife because he doesn’t need to Or because she won't put up with that kind of behaviour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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