Should I cancel a trip with my friends to accompany my bf?

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Vcontrerasi said:

but I could also reschedule with my friends right?

Probably.  But I thought the trip was already scheduled.  

[Vcontrerasi]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Probablemente. Pero pensé que el viaje ya estaba programado.  

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Inglés

it's hard The trip with my friends was already planned, even the destination to which we would go is my idea, I don't know if my friends would go to the trip and to that place if not for me. But I also know that if I do not go with my boyfriend, it could harm our reconciliation, apart from that he wants to go with his family because he will not see them again for college reasons in another city for a few months I'm still not clear about everything, but I know that I should talk to my boyfriend It is so difficult

[Asc1226]

On 3/13/2021 at 8:35 PM, Vcontrerasi said:

Thanks, the most important thing to me is reconciliate with my boyfriend

Then why are you even considering making him a second choice? You have given him reason not to trust you. If you go on a co-ed vacation without him he will be wondering what you’re doing and who you’re with every minute. This is a consequence of of your choice to cheat. 

[d0nnivain]

It's difficult because you feel conflicted.   You WANT to go with your friends.  That is what you are longing to do.  You also know that the cost of going with them is losing your BF.  He knows you have one foot out the door of the relationship; that is why you kissed the other guy.  For whatever reason you are not officially pulling the trigger to end a relationship that your heart is no longer in.  

You are trying to talk yourself into going with your BF because it's the "right thing to do."  Be honest.  Deep down you don't really want to do.  This relationship is a burden.  It's not fun anymore & you want out but you are a nice person & you don't want to hurt your BF. 

Edited March 15, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Vcontrerasi]

On 15/3/2021 at 6:34, d0nnivain said:

Es difícil porque te sientes en conflicto. QUIERES ir con tus amigos. Eso es lo que anhelas hacer. También sabes que el costo de ir con ellos es perder tu BF . Él sabe que tienes un pie fuera de la puerta de la relación; por eso besaste al otro chico. Por la razón que sea, no estás apretando oficialmente el gatillo para terminar una relación en la que tu corazón ya no está.  

Estás tratando de convencerte de ir con tu novio porque es "lo correcto". Se honesto. En el fondo, realmente no quieres hacer. Esta relación es una carga. Ya no es divertido y quieres salir, pero eres una buena persona y no quieres lastimar a tu novio . 

 

My highest priority is to reconcile with my boyfriend, my friends know that at the end of everything they will understand or so I hope, that the only thing I hope is to be able to fight for my relationship, at least I want to try and I know that it is difficult to have a first trip with your partner where we will be 24/7 together, but usually I want to say try it, my boyfriend wants to try it too

[Vcontrerasi]

I need some help We are still reconciling, we go day by day, what happens is that a few days ago we went out with my group of friends, my boyfriend also came with me at night one of my friends kissed another boy, what my boyfriend doesn't know is that my friend broke up with her partner a few weeks ago, so my boyfriend thought she was unfaithful and told me "you should stop her she has a boyfriend" I told him not to get in, so he said, "Are you covering her?" and I remembered that when my matter happened, she spoke to my boyfriend to see if he could help and she mentioned that I was not unfaithful, that I did not kiss with anyone, when all this my boyfriend already knew everything, So the moment she told me that I was covering her and I told her that I would not get in, "I'm sure I'm covering her in the same way that she sure did with me when they spoke." I told him that it was not true, I ended up telling him that he was already single, but he still has triggers that continue to haunt his head, how can I continue to help him heal and that small situations do not drive his mind crazy?

[d0nnivain]

When he told you to stop her why didn't you tell him right then & there, It's OK.  She broke up with her BF.  

Plus you are not her keeper.  Even if she was cheating it was not your place or your BF's place to tell her how to live her life.  

[Vcontrerasi]

On 27/3/2021 at 13:14, d0nnivain said:

Cuando te dijo que la detuvieras, ¿por qué no le dijiste en ese mismo momento? Está bien. Ella rompió con su novio .  

Además, no eres su guardián. Incluso si ella estaba engañando, no era tu lugar ni el lugar de tu novio decirle cómo vivir su vida.  

I completally forgot to tell him that part

And the other part problally yes,i am not the guardian,but at final of the day nobady want to be hurt or do a bad thing  so if she want to cheat to her SO  i think is great to talk with my friend after i see one thing like this for be sure why se does this and what she do whit her bf to break up with him or reconciliating

This obviouslly when she have a SO but now she single

 

[Warpspeed170]

What he interpreted is that you are a cheater covering for another cheater. Guess what? Logical explanations do not fare so well subsequent to infidelity. My take? DO NOT GO WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Go with the boyfriend. Your relationship stands not such a good chance to survive, and going with your friends can be interpreted as him not making much of a difference in your lives. [ ] 

Edited August 9, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
doesn't address first post

[Mrin]

I don't know what will happen if you go on this trip with your boyfriend. But - I can almost guarantee that if you go with your friends you won't have a boyfriend to return to. You will get "committeed" in the blink of an eye by his three sisters. 

[Vcontrerasi]

22 hours ago, Warpspeed170 said:

Lo que interpretó es que eres un tramposo cubriendo a otro tramposo. ¿Adivina qué? Las explicaciones lógicas no funcionan tan bien después de la infidelidad. ¿Mi toma? NO VAYAS CON TUS AMIGOS. Ve con el novio. Tu relación no tiene muchas posibilidades de sobrevivir, y ir con tus amigos puede interpretarse como que él no hace una gran diferencia en tus vidas. Mi amigo permitió que su novia se fuera en un crucero 2 meses antes de la boda. Ella fue con sus amigas. Bueno, lo que sucede en un barco no necesariamente se queda en un barco, y ella recogió a un tipo en el salón. Ella pensó que estaba burlando a los novios, sin embargo, fue atrapada en flagrante delito. Les rogó a sus amigas que mantuvieran sus confidencias. Eso duró aproximadamente una semana, ya que uno pensó que tenía un camino claro hacia la BBF. Tres días después de que terminara el crucero, también lo fue el compromiso. Recibió el dinero completo de la novia. Empezó a salir con la novia. Un año después, se casó con la novia, en lugar de con su ex prometido. Ex prometido continuó diciendo que esperaba lealtad de sus amigos, lo que descubrió es que era desleal y su amiga estaba más que feliz de sacar provecho de ello.

If that is what I will do, now I only hope to do things well so that we can reconcile well, I want to help him and it is my duty to have the initiative

[Vcontrerasi]

21 hours ago, Mrin said:

I don't know what will happen if you go on this trip with your boyfriend. But - I can almost guarantee that if you go with your friends you won't have a boyfriend to return to. You will get "committeed" in the blink of an eye by his three sisters. 

I just want to do things right for our love, I know I was wrong and now I must deal with this I want to get him back and that his sisters feel calm about our relationship

[d0nnivain]

36 minutes ago, Vcontrerasi said:

 I know I was wrong and now I must deal with this I want to get him back and that his sisters feel calm about our relationship

His sisters are never going to fully forgive you no matter what even if the BF does.  The sisters will always view you suspiciously out of protection & loyalty to their brother.  They will not forget.  Any wrong move you make in the future, they will site to this as proof you have always been no good. 

[Vcontrerasi]

On 4/1/2021 at 10:44 AM, d0nnivain said:

His sisters are never going to fully forgive you no matter what even if the BF does.  The sisters will always view you suspiciously out of protection & loyalty to their brother.  They will not forget.  Any wrong move you make in the future, they will site to this as proof you have always been no good. 

I will at least try everything I can do so that my boyfriend forgives me and be able to have a good relationship and thus be able to gradually gain the love and trust of his sisters, although if I understand I understand that they will always be on his side

[Vcontrerasi]

 

I am the girl who kisses another person while I am in a long distance relationship, in addition to traveling with him and his family

I know they could say that since I am afraid that they will do to me the same thing that he forgives me,

But here is what I want to say They were unfaithful to me in my previous relationship, I gave a second chance and they cheated on me again so I decided to end, that relationship hurt me a lot my current boyfriend knows that and now I am afraid that he will cheat on me because?

It turns out that your family has some money and some businesses, remember that I said that maybe their sisters do not like me and I must earn their trust, because they think that I am a type of gold digger and that if I could forgive my previous relationship, with more reason I would forgive an excellent boy and with money like my boyfriend is,

lSo that is my fear, his sisters gave him that idea, that although we have not talked about it much, I think that he may want to test me to see if I would forgive a deception, apart from if I do not forgive him it would be very hypocritical of me when he did He is trying with me,

I think he wants to collect them Well, these are all my ideas, but I don't want it to happen that way, as some of you did, now I do it and you will forgive me I don't want him to have some kind of revenge that way,

I know he's not vindictive like that, but I don't know if the fact that he thinks I'm a gold digger wants to test me

What can I do to improve this

[basil67]

Stop judging yourself so harshly.  It was just a kiss...and you're long distance.  He's probably already done the same anyway because long distance is so difficult to get one's needs met.  

You said in an earlier post that he's 20 and you're 21.  You're far too young to be tied down to someone you rarely see, can't hang out with, can't have fun with, can't snuggle with regularly.   Rather than worrying about his revenge and testing and being thought of as a gold digger, why not reconsider whether or not you really want to continue in this relationship?   Are your needs really getting met?

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

You said in an earlier post that he's 20 and you're 21.  You're far too young to be tied down to someone you rarely see, can't hang out with, can't have fun with, can't snuggle with regularly.   Why not reconsider whether or not you really want to continue in this relationship? 

Why can’t you improve this? Maybe, it’s not meant to be improved. Long distance relationships are hard. 

As basil said, you are missing out on life my dear... all the good stuff of being in a relationship. Time to reconsider perhaps.

Edited April 5, 2021 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it seems like you are incompatible on very many levels. 

In the same breath, you are talking about socioeconomic backgrounds, gold diggers, kissing someone else and whether he will cheat on you.

With so much doubt and so much wrong, reconsider whether you are a good match.

[d0nnivain]

You are powerless to improve this.  You kissed another guy & you have been trying to repair the relationship which is good.  You have to trust that your guy is not an eye for an eye person.  Just because you cheated doesn't mean that will be his response.  It doesn't work that way.  If he was inclined to hold it over your head, he would have broken up with you.  Things won't get better if he cheats to get even with you.  

So either trust him or recognize that subconsciously you really want out of this relationship.  That is why you strayed in the 1st place & that is why you are struggling so much with choosing between going on vacation with your BF & his family or your friends.  The freedom looks so much more attractive.  

While you are looking out the door & worried that he'll cheat, your relationship is eroding even more.  

[NYAG]

If you're constantly having to prove yourself to the family, you will probably never win. Equally, I am old enough and cynical enough to realise that long distance doesn't work. You can't feed a proper relationship on the end of a phone. Don't waste your time.

[Vcontrerasi]

On 4/4/2021 at 16:38, basil67 said:

Deja de juzgarte tan duramente. Fue solo un beso ... y estás a larga distancia. Probablemente ya haya hecho lo mismo de todos modos porque la larga distancia es muy difícil de satisfacer las necesidades de uno.  

En una publicación anterior dijiste que él tiene 20 y tú 21. Eres demasiado joven para estar atado a alguien a quien rara vez ves, con quien no puedes pasar el rato, con quien no puedes divertirte, con quien no puedes acurrucarte regularmente. En lugar de preocuparse por su venganza y pruebas y ser considerado un buscador de oro, ¿por qué no reconsiderar si realmente desea o no continuar en esta relación? ¿Se satisfacen realmente sus necesidades?

We really love each other, i just thinkink  the revenge idea is only in mi mind, the long relationship is only for 3 month in one we  are togheter

[Vcontrerasi]

On 4/4/2021 at 18:37, BaileyB said:

¿Por qué no puedes mejorar esto? Quizás, no está destinado a ser mejorado. Las relaciones a larga distancia son difíciles. 

Como dijo Basil, te estás perdiendo la vida querida ... todas las cosas buenas de estar en una relación. Quizás es hora de reconsiderarlo.

We are in long distance for only 3 month before that we are  togheter for 8 month, but he leave the city for work in another for 3 month in May we  are togheter

And the kiss my friend just steal me 

[Vcontrerasi]

On 5/4/2021 at 3:27, Wiseman2 said:

Desafortunadamente, parece que eres incompatible en muchos niveles. 

Al mismo tiempo, estás hablando de antecedentes socioeconómicos, buscadores de oro, besar a otra persona y si te engañará.

Con tanta duda y tanto mal, reconsidera si eres un buen partido.

I just think

 

On 5/4/2021 at 3:27, Wiseman2 said:

Desafortunadamente, parece que eres incompatible en muchos niveles. 

Al mismo tiempo, estás hablando de antecedentes socioeconómicos, buscadores de oro, besar a otra persona y si te engañará.

Con tanta duda y tanto mal, reconsidera si eres un buen partido.

We have a  beautifull  relationship before he leave the city for work, before he leave,we have a 9 months relationship, with some little problems like  another couples

[Vcontrerasi]

On 5/4/2021 at 7:13, d0nnivain said:

Eres impotente para mejorar esto. Besaste a otro chico y has estado tratando de reparar la relación, lo cual es bueno. Tienes que confiar en que tu chico no es ojo por ojo. El hecho de que hayas hecho trampa no significa que esa será su respuesta. No funciona de esa manera. Si estuviera dispuesto a ponértelo por encima de la cabeza, habría roto contigo. Las cosas no mejorarán si hace trampa para vengarse de ti.  

Así que confía en él o reconoce que inconscientemente quieres salir de esta relación. Es por eso que te extraviste en el primer lugar y es por eso que estás luchando tanto para elegir entre irte de vacaciones con tu novio y su familia o tus amigos. La libertad parece mucho más atractiva.  

Mientras miras por la puerta y te preocupa que te engañe, tu relación se está erosionando aún más.  

Do you have a  reason,is he want to sleep with another woman, he just broke up with me but he want to  try

The cheating situacion reveange  is only in my mind

I dont want to leave this relationship, i want to work to recovery the trust and my boyfriend i just think the idea with a trip with my friends was planed firts and i dont now  was the correct situation or what to do

[Vcontrerasi]

On 5/4/2021 at 7:33, NYAG said:

Si constantemente tiene que demostrar su valía a la familia, probablemente nunca gane. Igualmente, soy lo suficientemente mayor y lo suficientemente cínico para darme cuenta de que la larga distancia no funciona. No se puede alimentar una relación adecuada al final de un teléfono. No pierdas tu tiempo.

The long distance relationship is only for 3 months,we are togheter 9 months  before  that