Asking how people are doing and they don't ask you

[panteraplan]

Ever notice that? This isn't a sob story... just something I've noticed that I do.

 

I've noticed that I have friends that I will reach out to see how they are doing if I haven't seen or talked to them

in a while but they never do that with me. I can think of two good friends I have that won't. I've also noticed sometimes

I ask people how they are doing or how their day was... but they never ask me. I even had one that once said "Hey by the

way, thanks for always checking to see how I'm doing, that's nice of you." But then, they won't ever do that for me.

 

I feel like I'm always the initiator. 

 

I never cared before.. if I didn't get a response or to have it the same done for me. I've never done things with expectation

or for returned favors. But after a while of living as a caring, empathetic person for so many years like I have been... I'm at a

point in my older age where I'm wondering why I do it when a lot of the people that I show interest in or care about keeping in

my life, don't return the interest or care as much.

 

I don't think I'm being petty or "whoa-is-me" about it. It's just something where I feel like I woke up one day recently and was

like "Why do I care so much about other people's well-being and say hello and check on them... when they don't do that with

me?" For instance, why text certain friends I have that never get back to me right away (sometimes weeks: "Sorry, I'm terrible,

I'm just seeing your text now!") ? 

 

Maybe if I did less of that (checking in on friends and people I like) and focused more on myself, I'd be better off.

 

Just thinking.

Edited March 12, 2021 by panteraplan

[basil67]

Looking at your posting history, you're male.   And what you describe is just how my husband and all his friends are: they don't reach out for a catch up over the phone - instead they do all their catching up when they meet in person.   Even if one has moved away and they see each other only every second year, it's still like that.   It think it's a guy thing.

And even with women, in my circles we only call each other for a "how's things?" chat if it's your closest BFF and we haven't seen each other for a while.   Otherwise, we too catch up when we meet in person.