My shyness is causing my husband to resent me. I feel so angry with myself !

[vla1120]

It seems as though he has you in the perfect position - trapped at home with no license, no access to an income of your own, at his mercy. The first thing you should do after getting a license and telling him you need your own transportation would be to either get a part time job or volunteer at the school (I'm not sure how old your boys are, and whether that's a possibility yet.) Both of these things would expose you to other people and give you more confidence. He might be of the traditional mindset, but it is unfair of him to set you up to be isolated at home, 30 minutes away from civilization, then complain that you are not social enough. Also, when I was younger (late 20's to early 30's), I was painfully shy. Then, I had a job that required me to get up in front of the entire staff once a month and present a financial report and that cured me of my shyness. Now, they can't shut me up. You just need a dash of confidence and some coaxing out of your shell (and no one needs to be loud to be sociable!)

[jane]

No he hates councillors so he would never want to go.

 

I tried talking about things last night but it did not go well. He just got frustrated and refused to talk , then went to bed. 

He basically does not see that he is critical and said that he is just trying to tell me of a better way to do it. 

[jane]

This morning he even said, " I think your period must be coming ".  He makes me feel like I have no right to get upset about anything. 

Although he has been supportive of me getting my licence . He said that it would be a lot better for me once I do have my licence. 

 

I am homeschooling and do love being with my boys everyday.  so getting a job is not something i want to do.

 

Edited March 15, 2021 by jane

[d0nnivain]

Are you Amish?   I don't mean that dismissively but you are at home on acreage with no license home schooling your kids.  It's not a lifestyle I'd want.  

If  you don't want a job, what is it you do want.  If you make it clear to your husband that you are unhappy, & he leaves, where does that leave you?  I'm not saying you should cow tow to this bully who has you isolated but you need to know what comes next for you & your kids. 

[jane]

um no , home-schooling for medical reasons.

[SaraSays]

What do you think you are both role-modelling to your kids about relationships? What do you think you each are role-modelling to your kids about how husbands treat wives, and wives treat husbands?

[Lotsgoingon]

Marriage counseling could get to the bottom of this. I highly recommend it for you two. 

Also, is it anxiety that keeps you from driving? For your own good--not his--you do want to drive if at all possible. The hard part is getting yourself to do this FOR YOU and not for him. We rebel when we feel pressured by a partner.

Do you have friends you can talk? You sound isolated to me. It's ok to be shy. Totally fine. And it is unfair for him to rap you about that when you've always been you. But shyness doesn't block people from developing friends. You need some friends to break your isolation. Again, driving would help a lot with this. 

Edited March 15, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[FMW]

Talking to friends or family might be a good idea.  They know you, and him, and your situation.  They would be better placed to give targeted suggestions and advice for how to improve things.  Definitely don't keep yourself isolated.  Reaching out on this forum was a great first step, hopefully it gave you a little confidence and ideas on what to do next.