Ladies who like dominant men?

[dramafreezone]

Like anything else, there needs to be a balance.  I'm man but I'll tell you what I think; I think women love a man that takes charge in general.  This could be like asking her out, planning the date, handling his domestic responsibilities.  I think they want a rock, a source of stabliity as far as temperament goes.  Being calm and collected in stressful situations, or being a beacon of light in an apparent hopeless situation.

Also, I think a woman wants to feel a man's strength.  That means standing up to her when she's out of line, not tolerating disrespect, telling her no when someone needs to tell her no.  I think she's ok with a man making decisions as long as her voice is heard and considered.  All of this demonstrates his strength, but wouldn't call this dominance.  Maybe "dominance" is more of a sexual thing. 

Telling her what to do and where to be, telling her what to wear, yelling at her, verbal abuse, physical abuse has nothing to do with a strong man or the sexual aspect of dominance.  It's controlling.

Edited March 18, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Filler]

On 3/12/2021 at 3:36 PM, Cookiesandough said:

How would you describe a dominant man and what do you like about them?  Is it different from controlling? How do you make sure it doesn’t leads to abusive situations? 

Dominant man in my mind is like a James Bond lol. You know he is smooth, can get out of any troubled situation without a fuss. Dominant man can create opportunities instead of whining about what is troubling. Dominant man is strong mentally and physically. Obviously when he is assertive, confident and happy while doing things then he is super sexy. I guess confidence is even more sexy than just dominance. I wouldn't want the rigid dominant person who orders me around obviously but if dominance is in the form of an assertiveness and offers this and that then that's sexy.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

[snip]  I think they want a rock, a source of stabliity as far as temperament goes.  Being calm and collected in stressful situations, or being a beacon of light in an apparent hopeless situation.

Also, I think a woman wants to feel a man's strength.  That means standing up to her when she's out of line, not tolerating disrespect, telling her no when someone needs to tell her no.  I think she's ok with a man making decisions as long as her voice is heard and considered.  

With my husband and all of his mates who have solid marriages, this part describes both parties in the marriage.    Both parties have self respect, speak up with they need to, can hold it together when stressed, and make sure to listen to the other's opinion.   They guys have actually had conversations about how back in their dating days, they got bored with women who didn't  have opinions or who let them get away with too much bad behaviour. 

So if both parties do it equally, does this mean that both are dominant?  Or is it not dominance?

Edited March 19, 2021 by basil67

[poppyfields]

35 minutes ago, basil67 said:

With my husband and all of his mates who have solid marriages, this part describes both parties in the marriage.    Both parties have self respect, speak up with they need to, can hold it together when stressed, and make sure to listen to the other's opinion.   They guys have actually had conversations about how back in their dating days, they got bored with women who didn't  have opinions or who let them get away with too much bad behaviour. 

So if both parties do it equally, does this mean that both are dominant?  Or is it not dominance?

basil, I want what you and your husband have!! ❤️

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

With my husband and all of his mates who have solid marriages, this part describes both parties in the marriage.    Both parties have self respect, speak up with they need to, can hold it together when stressed, and make sure to listen to the other's opinion.   They guys have actually had conversations about how back in their dating days, they got bored with women who didn't  have opinions or who let them get away with too much bad behaviour. 

So if both parties do it equally, does this mean that both are dominant?  Or is it not dominance?

If more of a 50/50 balance works for you and your partner, then that's great.   I think a lot of couples aspire to this 50/50 type of relationship but I don't know how often that actually happens.  I don't think I'm going out on a limb or being misoginstic when I say that women are generally more emotional, so I think that's balanced out when the man is more stoic.  You have two partners that are emotional, then it's a hot mess.

In some couples the man is more emotional and the woman is more stoic.  Whatever works, but there has to be a balance in a healthy relationship.  I don't think it's necessarily essential that both people contribute to the relationship in the same manner.  We all have strengths and weaknesses so best to choose a partner who's strong where you're weaker.

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

If more of a 50/50 balance works for you and your partner, then that's great.   I think a lot of couples aspire to this 50/50 type of relationship but I don't know how often that actually happens.  I don't think I'm going out on a limb or being misoginstic when I say that women are generally more emotional, so I think that's balanced out when the man is more stoic.  You have two partners that are emotional, then it's a hot mess.

In some couples the man is more emotional and the woman is more stoic.  Whatever works, but there has to be a balance in a healthy relationship.  I don't think it's necessarily essential that both people contribute to the relationship in the same manner.  We all have strengths and weaknesses so best to choose a partner who's strong where you're weaker.

I think both partners can be emotional, however at different times.  When one is emotional, the other isn't and vice versa.  Same with being strong.  When one isn't, the other is, they balance each other out.  The dynamic between them can shift.

I know in my relationships, if my boyfriends were feeling emotional about a particular issue, I step in as the calm rational one.  Whenever I became emotional, they remained calm and rational.   That's the healthy balance I seek and want.

I am quite emotionally driven myself, and personally, I am not attracted to "stoic" never been.  I dated a stoic man a few years back, way WAY too cerebral and stoic for my liking.  A great guy, just not for me.

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

@dramafreezone I have read before about women being more "emotional".   In the context of your sentence, what does this mean?

Edited March 19, 2021 by basil67

[dramafreezone]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I think both partners can be emotional, however at different times.  When one is emotional, the other isn't and vice versa.  Same with being strong.  When one isn't, the other is, they balance each other out.  The dynamic between them can shift.

I know in my relationships, if my boyfriends were feeling emotional about a particular issue, I step in as the calm rational one.  If I became emotional, they remained calm and rational.   

I am quite emotionally driven myself, and personally, I am not attracted to "stoic" never been.  I dated one once, a doctor, way WAY too cerebral and stoic for my liking.  A great guy, just not for me.

 

We're all on spectrums when it comes to emotion.  When it comes to that if 10 is highly emotional, I'm probably like a 2.  I rarely lose my temper or get very excited so I tend to pair well with women who are highly expressive, 8, 9 or 10 on that scale, and they've definitely told me how they appreciate that I'm a calming presence when they're all over the place.  Like I said it just depends on the couple.

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

We're all on spectrums when it comes to emotion.  When it comes to that if 10 is highly emotional, I'm probably like a 2.  I rarely lose my temper or get very excited so I tend to pair well with women who are highly expressive, 8, 9 or 10 on that scale, and they've definitely told me how they appreciate that I'm a calming presence when they're all over the place.  Like I said it just depends on the couple.

That's what I am referring to.  When I am feeling highly emotional, 8, 9 or 10 and "all over the place" my boyfriends were a 2 or 3, calming me.  And YES, I very much appreciated it!

There were times when my ex's would become emotional, highly expressive and emotive, and I remained calm, 2 or 3.  And THEY appreciated it.

Lord, there would be nothing more boring and uninspiring than having me always be the emotional one, and my partner always being the calm stoic one.  

I like emotional, expressive people, I am drawn to it, I seek it out.  A stoic, unexpressive man just doesn't do it for me, but hey if it works for you in your relationships, awesome! 😂

Edited March 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@dramafreezone I have read before about women being more "emotional".   In the context of your sentence, what does this mean?

I don't know, maybe there is some sort of statistic or something showing women to be "more" emotional and expressive but based on my experiences, men can be equally emotional and highly expressive.

Even my late dad who I have referred to as being my "rock" is highly emotional and expressive, and I recall times just allowing him to emote about whatever (usually related to something political, lol) and I remained calm.

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

We're all on spectrums when it comes to emotion.  When it comes to that if 10 is highly emotional, I'm probably like a 2.  I rarely lose my temper or get very excited so I tend to pair well with women who are highly expressive, 8, 9 or 10 on that scale, and they've definitely told me how they appreciate that I'm a calming presence when they're all over the place.  Like I said it just depends on the couple.

Ah, OK - I get it.  

My husband is also about a 2.  I'm maybe a 4.  One of my friends describes us both as "bulletproof".    My BFF is about an 8 and hubby says there's no way he could be a partner of someone this emotional.

[dramafreezone]

 

21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

That's what I am referring to.  When I am feeling highly emotional, 8, 9 or 10 and "all over the place" my boyfriends were a 2 or 3, calming me.  And YES, I very much appreciated it!

There were times when my ex's would become emotional, highly expressive and emotive, and I remained calm, 2 or 3.  And THEY appreciated it.

Lord, there would be nothing more boring and uninspiring than having me always be the emotional one, and my partner always being the calm stoic one.  

I like emotion, I am drawn to it, I seek it out.  A stoic, unexpressive man just doesn't do it for me, but hey if it works for you in your relationships, awesome! 😂

I don't know what to tell you.  I am what I am.  I couldn't cry or lose my crap just so a woman can see it or she can have excitement.  That's just not my make-up, and apparently a lot of women find being calm, cool and  collected to be an attractive qualiity, because I've had a lot of affirmation from women on that.  Haven't heard much of "oh man he cried last night, that's so hot."

it seems like you appreciate a range of emotion, that's cool.  You've said you like a mix of alpha and beta so that's consistent with wanting more of a range.  In my experience the women that I date appreciate consistency and not a guy that's all over the place.

Edited March 19, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

 

I don't know what to tell you.  I am what I am.  I couldn't cry or lose my crap just so a woman can see it or she can have excitement.  That's just not my make-up, and apparently a lot of women find being calm, cool and  collected to be an attractive qualiity, because I've had a lot of affirmation from women on that.  Haven't heard much of "oh man he cried last night, that's so hot."

Not sure how you are defining emotional, but I do not mean weak, crying and shyt like that.  I mean highly expressive and passionate!  Anger doesn't even bother me as long as it's not directed at me, unjustifiably. 

In any event, you don't need to justify who you are to me.  And I am pleased as punch that women find you attractive, just as you are.  And that you like yourself just as you are.

There is a lid for every pot as they say.

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Not sure how you are defining emotional, but I do not mean weak, crying and shyt like that.  I mean highly expressive and passionate!  Anger doesn't even bother me as long as it's not directed at me, unjustifiably. 

In any event, you don't need to justify who you are to me.  And I am pleased as punch that women find you attractive, just as you are.  And that you like yourself just as you are.

There is a lid for every pot as they say.

 

We must be talking about two different things then.  I mean emotional in times of stress, adversity, during disagreements.  That's where I'm calm.  I don't get into heated arguments.  I state my position and we can just agree to disagree if we're not on the same page.  I'm not about to go around and around for 2 hours about the same topic.  It seems you may mean emotional in times of happiness or excitement.  A lot of guys (including myself) can be expressive in times of happiness and joy.  I get really rowdy when I'm watching football or basketball, or crack up if I'm watching a great comedy show, but that's not really what I mean when I say emotional.

Edited March 19, 2021 by dramafreezone

[basil67]

I understand where you're coming from @dramafreezone.  But as someone who doesn't like to argue endlessly and emotionally, why would you choose to be with someone who does that?   Doesn't it do your head in?

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

I understand where you're coming from @dramafreezone.  But as someone who doesn't like to argue endlessly and emotionally, why would you choose to be with someone who does that?   Doesn't it do your head in?

It is likely about power.
Being "the parent" in a relationship shifts the axis of power away from "the child". 

[poppyfields]

No, DFZ, although having a good row now and again might be necessary and even healthy when justified, I was not talking about arguing. 

I dislike arguing.

A man with passion, conviction, strong opinions and not afraid to express them, boldly confidently without shame.  About anyone and anything 

Emotional versus a sort of "robot," unaffected.  Cerebral. 

You referenced "stoic," well the definition of stoic is "a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining."

I am not attracted to that, I am drawn to men who are able to show their feelings and complain when warranted.  Without fear, without shame.

Hope that clarifies. 

 

 

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

I think this article explains it pretty well. Talks about both traditional (male dominant) marriages and modern (egalitarian) marriages. Both have problems, and both can be happy marriages. Depends on the parties involved:

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/so-happy-together/202001/how-do-gender-roles-impact-marriage%3famp

[mark clemson]

I agree that dominant can mean a lot of things, as can "alpha".

IMO it's important to distinguish between:

- Women who are attracted to certain types of men ("e.g. suave" James Bond/player types, domineering men, extremely ambitious men, and even criminals) but don't necessarily actually end up with those types of men despite attraction

- Women who have sexual fetishes for things like servitude, humiliation, bondage, coercive sex, and pain (which requires a partner willing to engage in specific actions/behaviors in order to actually experience those fetishes), and

- Women who either due to personal preferences or often upbringing (such as religious beliefs) prefer a family where the man is "head of the household" (e.g. the Taken in Hand set and similar types)

These are 3 very distinct categories/situations which can all be encompassed by "dominant".