is he saying things he don't mean?

[rainbow12]

This guy is the same age as me, lets call him L, I don't know if i'm reading the wrong signals here but i've been friends with L online for 2 years. I did talk to him sometimes and he talk to me but we do leave a gap where we don't always talk. He's a nice guy and...we have video called twice but not every week. I had more of a connection with him than 2019. He ask if he could see me and we send selfies to each other, that was last year. 

L doesn't live that far away from me,  L said to me I could watch that movie with him someday and we could meet up and hug while still wearing our masks but we never did. He's busy with work all hours, I never met him in person. Last year he has met group of friends but he couldn't do that with me  so that leaves me to feeling insignificant. Yesterday on video call, he said when this whole thing blows over me and him could meet. I didn't bring it up, it was him that did. I can't help but think that what he saids, he doesn't really mean because he would of met me in the pandemic. What confuses me is that after the video call ended he said that he thinks i'm gorgeous everytime he sees me  but I think what if he's leading me on without intentions and if that's true then he's not good. 

Thing is...i'm planning to go on dating app in April and I don't want to put that on hold for him all because he doesn't mean what he said's. I've delayed the dating app for too long. When I had the symptoms of being vaccinated he ask how i'm feeling, so he was being considerate. I just can't figure him out. I don't know where I stand with him.  He use to text me in the mornings allot first. He never calls me gorgeous on the video call, only on text. Right now, I see him as a good pen pal that can reply back to you but...he's giving me mix signals. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

 Thing is...i'm planning to go on dating app in April and I don't want to put that on hold for him all because he doesn't mean what he said's.Right now, I see him as a good pen pal that can reply back to you but...he's giving me mix signals. 

Good plan. He's a penpal but dating apps may help with meeting men in real life. Is he living with someone?

[rainbow12]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Good plan. He's a penpal but dating apps may help with meeting men in real life. Is he living with someone?

@Wiseman2In my post, I said he doesn't live that far from me, he's in the same country as me aswell. No, he lives in a flat but people are sharing the same building as him.

Edited March 14, 2021 by rainbow12

[basil67]

I'm sorry @rainbow12 there's nothing in any of his behaviour to suggest he has romantic interest in you.   Even his suggestion of meetings one day seems rather platonic.  Yeah, there's the thing where he said that he tells everyone you're gorgeous, but I'd be surprised if he really does this.   Think about it logically: why would go telling everyone that his occasional penpal is attractive?

Waiting for him would be such a waste of time.

[Sun Seeker]

Why are you still talking to him after 2 years? Stop wasting your time with a pen pal that is never going to go anywhere.

Go on that dating app and meet real people, not virtual.

[Alpacalia]

There are differing figures on the success of long-distance relationships.

I know of two couples that initially met long distance and are now married. I think that technology makes it a little simpler now then in the past.

But both individuals have to possess a strong romantic interest and desire to meet in person and spend time together as often as they can and at some point bridge the gap. It think it also depends largely on your current and long-term objectives.

Sometimes if you do not plan on remaining in your area and plan on being closer to each other in the future, it can work.

It's certainly not something to enter into lightly.

[rainbow12]

@PunterxxI shouldn't of said he is a penpal, because he don't live far away. He lives in London, I live in Kent. He originally came from another country but stayed in the UK. I talk to him after 2 years because I wanted to make up to the time where I ignored him once in 2019. When he message me I didn't answer back because I deep down I guess knew it was platonic anyway and i was searching for dates at the time. 

[rainbow12]

@basil67 You read my thread wrongly.  he said I was gorgeous, he didn't say...he told everyone I was gorgeous. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, rainbow12 said:

@basil67 You read my thread wrongly.  he said I was gorgeous, he didn't say...he told everyone I was gorgeous. 

Sorry, I don't know how I mis-read that.    But in any case, he's giving zero signs that he's interested in pursuing something with you.  

[elaine567]

BIG difference between meeting friends in a pandemic and meeting a potential date.
Friends don't need hugs and kisses or any close contact at all.
You also live in the area that is the source of the new "Kent variant" that has spread like wildfire... 
I can see why he may not want to meet you right now.

[rainbow12]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

BIG difference between meeting friends in a pandemic and meeting a potential date.
Friends don't need hugs and kisses or any close contact at all.
You also live in the area that is the source of the new "Kent variant" that has spread like wildfire... 
I can see why he may not want to meet you right now.

@elaine567I don't think he would of met me anyway, I think he liked the idea of it, he's not bothered much because it's platonic. Anyway, for a new start I plan to date in April when everything is open. 

[elaine567]

6 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

@elaine567I don't think he would of met me anyway, I think he liked the idea of it, he's not bothered much because it's platonic. Anyway, for a new start I plan to date in April when everything is open. 

But you will still not be allowed to meet anyone from another household indoors, only outdoors.

[rainbow12]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

But you will still not be allowed to meet anyone from another household indoors, only outdoors.

@elaine567 Yes, that's what I plan to do meet them outdoors but right now i'm not allowed to meet anyone in March. Plus, i rather have my hair done first and wait for the vaccine to work for 2 weeks and everything is open then i have more reasons to go on the dating app. Everything is closed at the moment and I can't use the excuse ''I'm seeing a friend'' to my family when meeting a date. So therefore, I have no choice but to wait like last year.

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, rainbow12 said:

@PunterxxI shouldn't of said he is a penpal, because he don't live far away. 

He IS a penpal.  It doesn't matter where he lives.  When you're talking endlessly with someone you haven't met in person, and it doesn't look like you will meet them anytime soon, that is a penpal.  It makes no sense for you to put dating on hold for this guy.

[rainbow12]

11 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

He IS a penpal.  It doesn't matter where he lives.  When you're talking endlessly with someone you haven't met in person, and it doesn't look like you will meet them anytime soon, that is a penpal.  It makes no sense for you to put dating on hold for this guy.

@ShyVioletWell, Yeah, I'm not going to put on hold for him, I knew it be pointless anyway. if someone likes you romantically you know you won't be confused by it. The only thing that's stopping me is this lockdown and the regulations. 

Edited March 15, 2021 by rainbow12

[d0nnivain]

I think you have never pushed the issue so he's giving mixed signals because he doesn't know what you want.  If you have been vaccinated,  you reach out to him & you schedule the in person meeting.  If he gives Covid as a reason for not meeting don't hold that against him.  Do carry on with your plan to sign up for a dating aoo but until you take affirmative action to meet him you can't solely blame him.  

[rainbow12]

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I think you have never pushed the issue so he's giving mixed signals because he doesn't know what you want.  If you have been vaccinated,  you reach out to him & you schedule the in person meeting.  If he gives Covid as a reason for not meeting don't hold that against him.  Do carry on with your plan to sign up for a dating aoo but until you take affirmative action to meet him you can't solely blame him.  

I thought it was affirmative action when I said ''We should meet up'' And he has been vaccinated too. 

[d0nnivain]

It's a step in that direction but you needed to be more specific:   Let's met up at Bob's Cafe on Main Street, next Wednesday at 4 pm.  Do you see the difference?  

[rainbow12]

15 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

It's a step in that direction but you needed to be more specific:   Let's met up at Bob's Cafe on Main Street, next Wednesday at 4 pm.  Do you see the difference?  

I can try but him using covid is just an excuse because he's protected and I am too. I'd say Lets meet up next week when you're not working at 3pm?  the thing is I can't travel to London because i dunno how to get there by train, I usually go on buses and i can use the train for other Kent areas but London I can't. I just feel like it's weird that I'll be asking this question because if he really wanted to meet me then why don't he take initiative and risk asking instead of me? 

Edited March 15, 2021 by rainbow12

[Sun Seeker]

14 hours ago, rainbow12 said:

@PunterxxI shouldn't of said he is a penpal, because he don't live far away. He lives in London, I live in Kent. He originally came from another country but stayed in the UK. I talk to him after 2 years because I wanted to make up to the time where I ignored him once in 2019. When he message me I didn't answer back because I deep down I guess knew it was platonic anyway and i was searching for dates at the time. 

It doesn't matter where he lives, he is still just a penpal. It's been 2 years. If anything was going to happen, it would have happened a long time ago. I live in London too and I've travelled to South America, Australia, Mexico, USA, Asia, in order to pursue potential love (all met face to face at first, nothing online). This guy can't even be bothered to jump on a train in 2 years.

You are wasting your time. Stop settling for a low interest, low quality, low effort person. Surely you can do better.

[rainbow12]

9 minutes ago, Punterxx said:

It doesn't matter where he lives, he is still just a penpal. It's been 2 years. If anything was going to happen, it would have happened a long time ago. I live in London too and I've travelled to South America, Australia, Mexico, USA, Asia, in order to pursue potential love (all met face to face at first, nothing online). This guy can't even be bothered to jump on a train in 2 years.

You are wasting your time. Stop settling for a low interest, low quality, low effort person. Surely you can do better.

Well, Yeah there is plenty more fish in the sea. It's just he had a caring nature about how I was after being vaccinated. He's not a bad person, just a low effort one. He's tired with work all the time in his hours. He's emotionally not available deep down.

[dramafreezone]

On 3/14/2021 at 3:54 PM, rainbow12 said:

This guy is the same age as me, lets call him L, I don't know if i'm reading the wrong signals here but i've been friends with L online for 2 years. I did talk to him sometimes and he talk to me but we do leave a gap where we don't always talk. He's a nice guy and...we have video called twice but not every week. I had more of a connection with him than 2019. He ask if he could see me and we send selfies to each other, that was last year. 

L doesn't live that far away from me,  L said to me I could watch that movie with him someday and we could meet up and hug while still wearing our masks but we never did. He's busy with work all hours, I never met him in person. Last year he has met group of friends but he couldn't do that with me  so that leaves me to feeling insignificant. Yesterday on video call, he said when this whole thing blows over me and him could meet. I didn't bring it up, it was him that did. I can't help but think that what he saids, he doesn't really mean because he would of met me in the pandemic. What confuses me is that after the video call ended he said that he thinks i'm gorgeous everytime he sees me  but I think what if he's leading me on without intentions and if that's true then he's not good. 

Thing is...i'm planning to go on dating app in April and I don't want to put that on hold for him all because he doesn't mean what he said's. I've delayed the dating app for too long. When I had the symptoms of being vaccinated he ask how i'm feeling, so he was being considerate. I just can't figure him out. I don't know where I stand with him.  He use to text me in the mornings allot first. He never calls me gorgeous on the video call, only on text. Right now, I see him as a good pen pal that can reply back to you but...he's giving me mix signals. 

It doesn't even sound like you know if you like him.  Maybe figure that out first.

For all you know he could think you're sending mixed signals.

Edited March 16, 2021 by dramafreezone

[d0nnivain]

14 hours ago, rainbow12 said:

I can try but him using covid is just an excuse because he's protected and I am too. I'd say Lets meet up next week when you're not working at 3pm?  the thing is I can't travel to London because i dunno how to get there by train, I usually go on buses and i can use the train for other Kent areas but London I can't. I just feel like it's weird that I'll be asking this question because if he really wanted to meet me then why don't he take initiative and risk asking instead of me? 

I assume it works the same way in the UK but don't know for sure.  But on my phone we have navigation apps, maps that give you directions.  At the top there are icons for car, walk & public transportation.  Put in where you are & where you want to go.  Then click the public transportation icon & it gives you the train schedules .  I have used this all over the US.  It's great when you are unfamiliar with the systems.  Before this I rarely took the NYC subway because I only knew a few select routes.  Now I feel so much more confident (before Covid. Now you couldn't pay me to get on public transportation of any kind) 

He may not be scheduling something with you due to Covid.  It may be lack of interest.  He's happy being a pen pal only.  Or he may not be sure of what you want.  

In your shoes I think I'd go ahead with your plan to use dating apps starting in April.  In the future if you know you will be London, in advance of your trip let him know your schedule.  See if he takes that hint.  Otherwise don't bother about him.  Keep him as a pen pal.  Assume it will never be more 

[rainbow12]

26 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I assume it works the same way in the UK but don't know for sure.  But on my phone we have navigation apps, maps that give you directions.  At the top there are icons for car, walk & public transportation.  Put in where you are & where you want to go.  Then click the public transportation icon & it gives you the train schedules .  I have used this all over the US.  It's great when you are unfamiliar with the systems.  Before this I rarely took the NYC subway because I only knew a few select routes.  Now I feel so much more confident (before Covid. Now you couldn't pay me to get on public transportation of any kind) 

He may not be scheduling something with you due to Covid.  It may be lack of interest.  He's happy being a pen pal only.  Or he may not be sure of what you want.  

In your shoes I think I'd go ahead with your plan to use dating apps starting in April.  In the future if you know you will be London, in advance of your trip let him know your schedule.  See if he takes that hint.  Otherwise don't bother about him.  Keep him as a pen pal.  Assume it will never be more 

@d0nnivainI had to unsend my other message to him, I know 100% deep down...he has lack of interest and he's just a pen pal really. I said we could meet next week and he said yes that's a good idea for sure. there's no enthusiasms in his messages and there's no interest.  I made my mind up about him, I'm okay about it because it's not like I'm disappointed. 

Edited March 16, 2021 by rainbow12