How do I?

[WANTedH]

How do I learn to become ok with the “want” missing? 
 

is it just me? I seem to be caught up on the “WANT” you know what I mean. I “WANT” my husband to “WANT” to think of me, to include me, I “want him to always “WANT” to figure out how to make it better. Instead I get empty words that don’t really add up to him being there enough “emotionally” for me. Is anyone else missing the “WANT” in their relationships? It would be nice to know that I’m not the only one. 

[d0nnivain]

Can you be more specific about what you want?   What does your husband thinking of you look like?  You can't be vague & say what you said above because there is no guidance.  

For example if you would feel better if he sent you a flirty text during the day, tell him that. If you want flowers once a [week/month] tell him that. You have to be more specific then you are being.  If you are concrete you are more likely to get what you want.  

I told my husband I wanted "surprise kisses" meaning if I was standing at the sink he comes up & hugs me from behind or if I am sitting on the couch & he walks past, I want a kiss.  Now he does those things but he would not have thought of them on his own. 

Read two pop psychology books by Dr. Laura.  The Care & Feeding of a Marriage and the Care & Feeding of a  Husband.  There is a lot of sexist drivel in both but paired down they are about appreciation.  Instead of focusing on what you are not getting from your partner appreciate the things you are getting. 

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, WANTedH said:

How do I learn to become ok with the “want” missing? 
 

is it just me? I seem to be caught up on the “WANT” you know what I mean. I “WANT” my husband to “WANT” to think of me, to include me, I “want him to always “WANT” to figure out how to make it better. Instead I get empty words that don’t really add up to him being there enough “emotionally” for me. Is anyone else missing the “WANT” in their relationships? It would be nice to know that I’m not the only one. 

You have to TELL him.

[Happy Lemming]

I think I understand what you are asking... 

At this point, I'll speak for myself and not for all men.

Perhaps your husband may be one of those men who are quite simplistic in the way they go through life.  I am one of those men.

I went out, killed the buffalo and brought it home, now you should be happy with me.  That is all I need to do for the day.

Some of us are not that complex (that we understand) that you need to have all of these "WANTS" fulfilled.

It took me a long time to understand that when my girlfriend complains about something, she doesn't want me to fix it.... she just wants me to listen.  Men can learn these type of things, but we need that communicated to us, directly.