How to Seperate from wife

[Davetheman]

Hi, been married for 24 years, wife does not work, so I pay all bills, marriage fallen apart and agreed unlikely to rebuild, we are currently renting and don't own a property, no children, we have been discussing spouse payment, but even if agreed, she has nowhere to go, so we are stuck

Any suggestions on a solution

[bananatree]

Why doesn't she work?  Can she start working?

[Davetheman]

Chosen not to work and has not worked for over 3 years and prior to that was only part time , this is what makes seperation so difficult as whilst the marriage has failed I still care for her.

[bananatree]

She will need to figure it out then.  Without children or property, it should be easy to divorce.  You can work with a mediator who will use the standard spousal support calculator, which you can negotiate.  If you have a place to go (like a relative or friend's), perhaps she can stay in the residence until the lease is up. At which point, she will need to figure out how to be self sufficient, I'm afraid.  It's one of the consequences of "choosing not to work." 

[Davetheman]

But she can't go anway as would not be able to rent a place due to not working, I have wondered about renting a room, which whilst I can afford, I don;t see why I should move into a room and pay for her to stay in a 3 bedroom house, that said the lease expires June

[bananatree]

Because you said you cared for her wellbeing.  Pay the rent while you move out and create distance.  You can find a new place soon and she will have to make do with the spousal support she is offered.  She will also have to find a way to work.  If she is otherwise disabled or can't work, she will need to file for disability.  If she can work, she can find many options.  This could be an amazing opportunity for her.  I think you might be enabling her dependence on you.  You can provide a runway to her independence if you like, and that would the the kind and compassionate thing to do.  But if both of you agree the marriage is over, then let it be over.  The logistics will work out.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Davetheman said:

Hi, been married for 24 years, wife does not work, so I pay all bills, marriage fallen apart and agreed unlikely to rebuild, we are currently renting and don't own a property, no children, we have been discussing spouse payment, but even if agreed, she has nowhere to go, so we are stuck

Any suggestions on a solution

Consult an attorney. It may be simple for you without houses, children etc. Do Not negotiate Before you speak to an attorney.

When your lease is up, make sure you are Legally separated.

You are not "stuck", you may have to pay spousal support for a time, but she needs to find employment, seek out affordable housing, etc.

Plan on moving to separate places after your lease is up. You really need an attorney to explain why you are not "stuck".

[dangerous]

On 3/15/2021 at 4:50 PM, Davetheman said:

Chosen not to work and has not worked for over 3 years and prior to that was only part time , this is what makes seperation so difficult as whilst the marriage has failed I still care for her.

Sounds like you are an enabler in this relationship. (Look it up, if you don't now what that means.) I was too, and had a similar marriage, it took me 25 years to get out!

You have a simple choice: either stay unhappy in the marriage, or get out and take the risk and discomfort that comes with that. Unfortunately there is no easy route: its simply weighing up the pain of either option.

Good luck. 

[central]

She can find a place to live using spousal support, but may have to find a menial job to maintain a decent lifestyle.  If you divorce, she's no longer your responsibility.