Why is it that most of the women who are perfect for a monogamous relationship don't want one?

[SpecialJ]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

I just don't buy this theory that anyone is truly not open to any connection.  Someone can make that person change their mind.  If they met their celebrity crush and that person wants to begin a reelationship this person is going to say no thanks, I'm not looking for anything serious? 

I didn't mean any connection at all, I'm talking about a serious and enduring long-term relationship like the OP wants. I am happy for you if you've never come across someone who isn't emotionally available, as it's exhausting to date them. The unavailable ones I've known who found someone with amazing chemistry entered into toxic back and forths that never lasted. Like attracts like, and two people who are too scared to connect in a healthy way are more likely to sabotage and blow things up eventually than they are to work it out. So it's not about changing someone's mind, it's about someone being ready. If they're not, nothing will change that, even if there's a relatively short period of time where they'll try a relationship out. 

 

Also, dating even pseudo-celebrities is awful. I wouldn't try it again. Plus I have met my celebrity crush (not romantically) and he was a hot mess. I don't need to worry about this because I'm not single, but if I was, you've now come across one person who absolutely would say to their celebrity crush no thanks, I'm not looking for anything serious 🤣 But I can still enjoy his work lol.

[Wiseman2]

People put all sorts of nonsense on dating profiles to seem cool and stand out from the pack.

That includes guys putting "looking for the one, marriage",etc. And women putting "the cool GF" routine of "looking for casual".

Kind of funny what people will say to get hits on dating apps.

[dramafreezone]

8 hours ago, SpecialJ said:

I didn't mean any connection at all, I'm talking about a serious and enduring long-term relationship like the OP wants. I am happy for you if you've never come across someone who isn't emotionally available, as it's exhausting to date them. The unavailable ones I've known who found someone with amazing chemistry entered into toxic back and forths that never lasted. Like attracts like, and two people who are too scared to connect in a healthy way are more likely to sabotage and blow things up eventually than they are to work it out. So it's not about changing someone's mind, it's about someone being ready. If they're not, nothing will change that, even if there's a relatively short period of time where they'll try a relationship out. 

 

Also, dating even pseudo-celebrities is awful. I wouldn't try it again. Plus I have met my celebrity crush (not romantically) and he was a hot mess. I don't need to worry about this because I'm not single, but if I was, you've now come across one person who absolutely would say to their celebrity crush no thanks, I'm not looking for anything serious 🤣 But I can still enjoy his work lol.

I think it's a good idea to cast a wide net.  I don't advocate just limiting your search to those saying that they're looking for something serious.  OP would be missing out on a lot of good women.  What they say they're looking for means little.

You're right, like attracts like.  Two people that aren't hyperfocuseed on getting into a relationship and are just enjoying life have a better chance of creating something that's amazing and long lasting. 

I guess I just think differently from a lot of peeople.  I think being focused on a relationship is just bad energy.  Finding this relationship takes priority over the person in the relationship.  There's a huge problem today with people racing to get into a relationship and not enjoying the courtship.  And more oftten than not they're not even happy in the relationship, this thing that they chased so much.  If you're unhappy before a relationship, you're going to be unhappy in one.

Edited March 16, 2021 by dramafreezone

[NYAG]

On 3/15/2021 at 5:51 PM, cyphorX said:

  Every time I get on a dating site I pour through dozens of profiles and every time I find a profile I like from a woman that kept herself in shape, has no kids at home, does not have a demanding time consuming job, similar hobbies or interests, when it get to the part where it states what they are looking for it's almost always "casual dating/nothing serious" on POF, and "non-monogamous" on okayCupid .    98% of the profiles where women are seeking "longterm or marriage"  she is either Obese(not just a little chubby), a single mother(I thought this would get better as I got older but it seems half the women in my dating pool didn't start having kids until their late 30's or 40's or had one last a change of life baby with their EX husband before he took off), taking care of aging parents, raising their grand-kids, or they live outside of the city limits way out in the middle of nowhere.

 It's so frustrating, The only women who seem to want a relationship have baggage that would make a relationship less rewarding and those who would be ideal don't want to date just one person.

 

Why do you assume that just because someone is fit and has no kids or major commitments they are perfect for a monogamous relationship? What kind of an assumption is that? Being able to to casual date and not owned by a man is a very freeing way to live. I don't want to be owned by anyone. I am fit, financially independent, no kids and run my own business. Why would I want a guy trying to fit in to all that. I'd rather have a fluid relationship that allowed me to get on with my life and not have to deal with all the politics that comes from someone trying to get a ring on my finger or the spare key to my front door. 

[SpecialJ]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

Two people that aren't hyperfocuseed on getting into a relationship and are just enjoying life have a better chance of creating something that's amazing and long lasting. 

I think being focused on a relationship is just bad energy.  Finding this relationship takes priority over the person in the relationship.  

Yes, I definitely agree with all this. That's what I was talking about too in an earlier post on this thread when I said that getting projected on to meet certain expectations instead of the date just wanting to get to know you feels very icky. 

 

In my personal experience, I've never had someone ultimately change their mind about what they said they were looking for early on, so I'd see it as a risk for someone like the OP who doesn't want to waste their time. And that if someone doesn't know what they want, it comes out as inconsistency and words and actions not aligning, which have always been red flags for me. I started having way more luck online with strictly taking men at their word before even meeting and filtering accordingly, but maybe there's a gender difference at play here. The comment about women feeling they need to play cool girl and minimize their relationship desires is also very true and may push them to write casual when they don't mean it (though I never pretended to want casual, I used to play cool girl when young and it did nothing but create mismatched expectations). But again, I feel like once you're older it's more a sign of insecurity if you're still playing that game so that woman is likely not going to turn out to be a solid equal partner anyway. So either someone really does want casual, which is fine, or they don't but aren't upfront about it... both of which were mismatches for me so skipping casual profiles altogether was much more effective for what I was looking for. 

 

Plus, in my experience at least, not guessing about what life stage someone was in and that the life stages of what we want matched actually took all the relationship pressure off and we could focus on getting to know each other and on actual compatibility and enjoy the attraction while deciding if we wanted to keep moving forward with each other. Back to your points above, but perhaps getting there from a different angle. 

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, NYAG said:

Why do you assume that just because someone is fit and has no kids or major commitments they are perfect for a monogamous relationship? What kind of an assumption is that? Being able to to casual date and not owned by a man is a very freeing way to live. I don't want to be owned by anyone. I am fit, financially independent, no kids and run my own business. Why would I want a guy trying to fit in to all that. I'd rather have a fluid relationship that allowed me to get on with my life and not have to deal with all the politics that comes from someone trying to get a ring on my finger or the spare key to my front door. 

Yes exactly.

I think dating "freely" lays the groundwork for the best relationship ultimately.  That way attraction grows naturally instead of being forced because both people are on a relationship schedule.

[elaine567]

As the OP is dealing with older women, I doubt those who have put "casual" on their profile are actually looking for a relationship.
Plenty older women do not want to be tied down ever again and are very glad to have found their "freedom"...

It seems to me some "casual" people will dip into the relationship pile when they see something they like but usually they cause a lot of heart ache and chaos when they start to feel "trapped" or they realise it is time for them to move on again.
I believe it is probably best for all concerned if casual people and relationship people stay well away from each other.

[cyphorX]

 

5 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

I think it's a good idea to cast a wide net.  I don't advocate just limiting your search to those saying that they're looking for something serious.  OP would be missing out on a lot of good women.  What they say they're looking for means little.

You're right, like attracts like.  Two people that aren't hyperfocuseed on getting into a relationship and are just enjoying life have a better chance of creating something that's amazing and long lasting. 

I guess I just think differently from a lot of peeople.  I think being focused on a relationship is just bad energy.  Finding this relationship takes priority over the person in the relationship.  There's a huge problem today with people racing to get into a relationship and not enjoying the courtship.  And more often than not they're not even happy in the relationship, this thing that they chased so much.  If you're unhappy before a relationship, you're going to be unhappy in one.

Nope, it's a waste of time to go after someone who is not on the same page, after my divorce I was into casual dating BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT i WANTED AT THAT TIME!!!!! and I was going after a totally different type of women,  mostly women that I knew I would not catch feelings for, women with incompatible lifestyles, yes there would be mutual physical attraction, but they would have interests and hobbies that I knew I could not get into nor they into mine, or run in social circles that I knew I would not care to be a part of.  Basically I made sure it would not go past occasional romps in bed or a few drinks at a bar a few times a week. or single mothers who only had time for a few hours once she got her kids to sleep, or when her ex had the kids on the weekend.   once my heart was healed and I was ready for a relationship I went after the opposite, women who had the free time and lack of parental and social obligations to devote the time to a relationship that a relationship deserves. 

4 hours ago, NYAG said:

Why do you assume that just because someone is fit and has no kids or major commitments they are perfect for a monogamous relationship? What kind of an assumption is that? Being able to to casual date and not owned by a man is a very freeing way to live. I don't want to be owned by anyone. I am fit, financially independent, no kids and run my own business. Why would I want a guy trying to fit in to all that. I'd rather have a fluid relationship that allowed me to get on with my life and not have to deal with all the politics that comes from someone trying to get a ring on my finger or the spare key to my front door. 

well if they just want to casual date it's obvious that THEY aren't perfect for a monogamous relationship but being fit, no kids or major commitments is the ideal starting point for a potential partner for someone wanting a drama free monogamous relationship as there are fewer built in obstacles.  you can live how you want to live, nobody is stopping you, but some of us actually enjoy being in a loving relationship and don't feel owned when in one, for me there is no better feeling in the world.

4 hours ago, SpecialJ said:

Yes, I definitely agree with all this. That's what I was talking about too in an earlier post on this thread when I said that getting projected on to meet certain expectations instead of the date just wanting to get to know you feels very icky. 

 

In my personal experience, I've never had someone ultimately change their mind about what they said they were looking for early on, so I'd see it as a risk for someone like the OP who doesn't want to waste their time. And that if someone doesn't know what they want, it comes out as inconsistency and words and actions not aligning, which have always been red flags for me. I started having way more luck online with strictly taking men at their word before even meeting and filtering accordingly, but maybe there's a gender difference at play here. The comment about women feeling they need to play cool girl and minimize their relationship desires is also very true and may push them to write casual when they don't mean it (though I never pretended to want casual, I used to play cool girl when young and it did nothing but create mismatched expectations). But again, I feel like once you're older it's more a sign of insecurity if you're still playing that game so that woman is likely not going to turn out to be a solid equal partner anyway. So either someone really does want casual, which is fine, or they don't but aren't upfront about it... both of which were mismatches for me so skipping casual profiles altogether was much more effective for what I was looking for. 

 

Plus, in my experience at least, not guessing about what life stage someone was in and that the life stages of what we want matched actually took all the relationship pressure off and we could focus on getting to know each other and on actual compatibility and enjoy the attraction while deciding if we wanted to keep moving forward with each other. Back to your points above, but perhaps getting there from a different angle. 

EXACTLY when I was wanting casual dating that's all I wanted and if I caught myself catching feels I would bail because I did not want to risk my heart at that time, so I don't assume others would change their mind because I would not change mine when I was playing the field.

 

2 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Yes exactly.

I think dating "freely" lays the groundwork for the best relationship ultimately.  That way attraction grows naturally instead of being forced because both people are on a relationship schedule.

  Not for me, I would not get into a relationship with someone who was dating other people while they were dating me, I have to much self respect... every long relationship I've had was an instant mutual attraction where we met, figured out we like all the same stuff, ended up spending the night then we were and item, if someone has to think about being with me and take it slow, that means there was not very much attraction towards me, and that's okay I'm not for everyone.

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

As the OP is dealing with older women, I doubt those who have put "casual" on their profile are actually looking for a relationship.
Plenty older women do not want to be tied down ever again and are very glad to have found their "freedom"...

It seems to me some "casual" people will dip into the relationship pile when they see something they like but usually they cause a lot of heart ache and chaos when they start to feel "trapped" or they realise it is time for them to move on again.
I believe it is probably best for all concerned if casual people and relationship people stay well away from each other.

 exactly!!  most casual daters who change their mind will feel restless as soon as the newness wears off, been there too many times, and they tend to be the type thats does not value the relationship while they are in it, putting everything else in their life ABOVE their partner.

[dramafreezone]

23 minutes ago, cyphorX said:

 

Nope, it's a waste of time to go after someone who is not on the same page, after my divorce I was into casual dating BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT i WANTED AT THAT TIME!!!!! and I was going after a totally different type of women,  mostly women that I knew I would not catch feelings for, women with incompatible lifestyles, yes there would be mutual physical attraction, but they would have interests and hobbies that I knew I could not get into nor they into mine, or run in social circles that I knew I would not care to be a part of.  Basically I made sure it would not go past occasional romps in bed or a few drinks at a bar a few times a week. or single mothers who only had time for a few hours once she got her kids to sleep, or when her ex had the kids on the weekend.   once my heart was healed and I was ready for a relationship I went after the opposite, women who had the free time and lack of parental and social obligations to devote the time to a relationship that a relationship deserves. 

 

  Not for me, I would not get into a relationship with someone who was dating other people while they were dating me, I have to much self respect... every long relationship I've had was an instant mutual attraction where we met, figured out we like all the same stuff, ended up spending the night then we were and item, if someone has to think about being with me and take it slow, that means there was not very much attraction towards me, and that's okay I'm not for everyone.

 exactly!!  most casual daters who change their mind will feel restless as soon as the newness wears off, been there too many times, and they tend to be the type thats does not value the relationship while they are in it, putting everything else in their life ABOVE their partner.

Your error is in thinking that people that write in a profile they want to date casually aren't open to a relationship, and that the people that say they want a relationship can handle one.  Here's something that may shock you; sometimes people don't know exactly what they want, so what they say they want is unreliable.  You could very easily date someone that says they want a serious relationship and determine that they're not suitable for one, or date one of these casual daters and her find out that you're the man of her dreams.

You say that every great relationship you had began with that initial attraction, but how do you know that you won't have that connection with these "casual daters" if you don't even give them a chancee?  You're making a lot of assumptions, just doesn't seem like you're settting yourself up for success, hence why you felt the need to write this thread in the first place.  People don't fit into these neat little boxes that you think they do, casual daters vs relationship people.  For most it just depends on who they're dating.

I don't know what self respect has to do with dating other people.  If I'm dating someone, even if I were interested in a relationship I would continue to evaluate my options, as I would expect her to do the same.  I would see a woman that only wanted to date me right off the bat as a red flag.

Edited March 17, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Gaeta]

OP is not the only one to thinks that way, there are a few of us here. I have considerable experience with online dating and fishing in a pound of casual, nothing serious, go with the flow, is a waste of time for us serious daters. If a man is looking for a serious relationship and he puts himself in the casual dating then he's misrepresenting himself, good luck to him but there is NO speech of him that will convince me even though he put 'casual' in his profile he's really looking for a LTR, he can sing that song to a different woman. 

How much time do you have to waste to fish for a LTR in the casual category? When I was dating I ONLY spoke to men in the LTR category and it took me 3 years to find someone, it probably would have taken me 6 years to find a serious dater in the casual category. 

When men put themselves in the Casual category I believe them. When a man puts himself in the casual category it's because he's self-aware enough to know he's  not ready to concentrate on one woman. I don't care about the exceptions, the general rule people putting themselves in casual....actually want casual. 

Edited March 17, 2021 by Gaeta

[dramafreezone]

27 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

OP is not the only one to thinks that way, there are a few of us here. I have considerable experience with online dating and fishing in a pound of casual, nothing serious, go with the flow, is a waste of time for us serious daters. If a man is looking for a serious relationship and he puts himself in the casual dating then he's misrepresenting himself, good luck to him but there is NO speech of him that will convince me even though he put 'casual' in his profile he's really looking for a LTR, he can sing that song to a different woman. 

How much time do you have to waste to fish for a LTR in the casual category? When I was dating I ONLY spoke to men in the LTR category and it took me 3 years to find someone, it probably would have taken me 6 years to find a serious dater in the casual category. 

When men put themselves in the Casual category I believe them. When a man puts himself in the casual category it's because he's self-aware enough to know he's  not ready to concentrate on one woman. I don't care about the exceptions, the general rule people putting themselves in casual....actually want casual. 

I think the entire idea of putting yourself in a category as in "casual" and serious" is just the wrong way to go about dating.  I think it should all be casual until you find someone that you click with.  Dating is tough enough without eliminating most of your dating pool beecause of what they say they way (which is too often not accurate anyway). 

And the proof is in the pudding, is anyone that's putting themselves in that "serious dater" category on here getting what they want?  Getting a lot of high quality dates?  It just seems like a lot of frustration, so why continue to do something that's not really working?

It goes back to what I see is a huge problem these days, people are more interested in the destination than the journey.  The journey should be fun, not a task, or tedious.  If it is, you're doing it wrong.  Evereyone is in a race to get to the end point, "how can I get into a relationship as soon as possible?  I can't wait until I don't have to date anymore."  It's just wrong mindset, wrong energy to me.  

Just my opinion but if it took 3 years dating nothing but "relationship men" to find one good one, then it's probably wasn't the best strategy.   I know a lot of people think like that, that doesn't mean that they're going about it the best way.

Edited March 17, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Gaeta]

I did once made contact with a man looking for casual and I accepted to meet him. We went on 3 dates together. He was articulate, smart, fun, and I was so impressed by him and thought  'wow' maybe I found someone. Then at the end of our 3rd date he was walking me to my car and he invited me to follow him to his place for a ...coffee. I said * I'd love to * , he then replied *please remember I am only looking for casual are you ok with that?*. It was like a shot through my heart. I thanked him for being a gentleman and to remind me what he was seeking, and I declined his invitation and went home alone. 

I never went fishing in casual after that. 

[SpecialJ]

42 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

And the proof is in the pudding, is anyone that's putting themselves in that "serious dater" category on here getting what they want?  Getting a lot of high quality dates?  It just seems like a lot of frustration, so why continue to do something that's not really working?

Just my opinion but if it took 3 years dating nothing but "relationship men" to find one good one, then it's probably wasn't the best strategy.   I know a lot of people think like that, that doesn't mean that they're going about it the best way.

My experience was the opposite. I spent way too long with too wide a net and not focused on more serious-minded daters and was perpetually single and going on bad dates or in dead-end relationships with that approach for years. Once I switched, I found my person within about a year, and even dating prior to that earlier that year was much better without games. And as I previously said, getting to know people in a similar mindset made dating better because there were no games and no need to rush. We knew we were both on the same page and could take our time deciding if it was the right match. There was no pressure for rushed intimacy or anything. Sometimes this didn't work out (one guy kept multi-dating without talking about it for about a month longer than I did and than I'd expected based on how often we had dates, and he suddenly met someone else, though it quickly didn't work out for him), but overall there were far fewer unwelcome surprises than when I met go-with-the-flow people. And definitely less confusion, much less getting upset if something didn't work out, and less time-wasting.

[cyphorX]

17 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Casual means no-exclusivity. 

It means sex with people that will have sex with others.

It's not something I want to do. 

 Exactly, even the few FWB I've has or have started out as actual relationships that did not work out usually because our scheduled did not line up, (which is why I know I'm not compatible with single mothers, Career women, very social women), but anyway I can go from an actual relationship to being just FWB but I can't go from FWB to a relationship.  and that's basically what starting out as just casual dating is. I date one person at a time and seek those who are the same way. and if someone has to warm up to me, that means there was no instant attraction. 

[Dis]

9 minutes ago, cyphorX said:

 (which is why I know I'm not compatible with single mothers, Career women, very social women),

You don't want a career driven woman but also no single mothers?

 

You might have a tough time there because women who don't have kids and are single are pretty focused on their careers and single moms are focused on their kids

 

Might have to pick one or the other 

 

Can't be the center of someone's attention in every way

Edited March 17, 2021 by Dis

[dramafreezone]

40 minutes ago, cyphorX said:

 Exactly, even the few FWB I've has or have started out as actual relationships that did not work out usually because our scheduled did not line up, (which is why I know I'm not compatible with single mothers, Career women, very social women), but anyway I can go from an actual relationship to being just FWB but I can't go from FWB to a relationship.  and that's basically what starting out as just casual dating is. I date one person at a time and seek those who are the same way. and if someone has to warm up to me, that means there was no instant attraction. 

You have a lot of prerequsites.  That's fine but it's unreasonable to complain about a lack of options when you have such a specific set a criteria for a woman.

[Dis]

3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

You have a lot of prerequsites.  That's fine but it's unreasonable to complain about a lack of options when you have such a specific set a criteria for a woman.

Unrealistic prereqs too

 

99% of women will fall into one of those categories 

[cyphorX]

1 hour ago, Dis said:

You don't want a career driven woman but also no single mothers?

 

You might have a tough time there because women who don't have kids and are single are pretty focused on their career and single moms are focused on their kids

 

Might have to pick one or the other 

 

Can't be the center of someone's attention in every way

I tend to prefer women who have a job where they do their straight 8 and go home.  I don't want to be joined at the hip with a woman, but I do enjoy relationships where we enjoy most of the same things and spend MOST of our free time together. that was one of the hardest parts of getting used to dating after my divorce, you see I was married young (22) I got divorced at 29(my first casual dating phase was the first 6 months after my divorce), and started trying to find a long term relationship at 30(as I learned casual dating was not for me as I prefer actual relationships) and dating had changed a lot since I was 21 back then you met someone figured out you liked the same bands and similar political views and hung out in the same places, hung out the rest of the night and bam we were an item. but at 30 dating became a grueling process and most of the women became materialistic, being exclusive is no longer the default before "the talk" (it seems now exclusivity is only expected after "the talk"), online dating has killed the scarcity benefit(pre internet our dating pool was limited to our immediate area so once you fished in your pool long enough it started getting to the point where all that left in your age group are people either you or your friends have already dated or people you have no attraction to, so people would pair up before it got to that point) so an average guy could eventually level up to the "I'm the best of whats left" bonus, today that bonus does not exist anymore because women in their area can expand their search radius on tinder, pof, bumblebee and okcupid once they have over dated the guys in their neighborhood and social circles.  

Edited March 17, 2021 by cyphorX

[Dis]

14 minutes ago, cyphorX said:

I tend to prefer women who have a job where they do their straight 8 and go home.  I don't want to be joined at the hip with a woman, but I do enjoy relationships where we enjoy most of the same things and spend MOST of our free time together. that was one of the hardest parts of getting used to dating after my divorce, you see I was married young (22) I got divorced at 29(my first casual dating phase was the first 6 months after my divorce), and started trying to find a long term relationship at 30(as I learned casual dating was not for me as I prefer actual relationships) and dating had changed a lot since I was 21 back then you met someone figured out you liked the same bands and similar political views and hung out in the same places, hung out the rest of the night and bam we were an item. but at 30 dating became a grueling process and most of the women became materialistic, being exclusive is no longer the default before "the talk" (it seems now exclusivity is only expected after "the talk"), online dating has killed the scarcity benefit(pre internet our dating pool was limited to our immediate area so once you fished in your pool long enough it started getting to the point where all that left in your age group are people either you or your friends have already dated or people you have no attraction to, so people would pair up before it got to that point) so an average guy could eventually level up to the "I'm the best of whats left" bonus, today that bonus does not exist anymore because women in their area can expand their search radius on tinder, pof, bumblebee and okcupid once they have over dated the guys in their neighborhood and social circles.  

Dating has changed quite a bit, that's for sure

 

I've never had a huge issue with men seeing other people though...not yet! (fingers crossed lol) They usually tell me quickly they're not seeing anyone else and ask if I would be okay with doing the same. 

 

Are you not vetting these woman properly? And even if they are seeing other people in the beginning, it's not an end all be all. Sometimes we want to weigh our options and not make rash decisions to focus on one person only. As I've gained more experience with online dating I do feel this is a wise strategy considering connections on there are fleeting. Doesn't mean they don't like you, just means they don't know you well enough to only focus on you. 

[dramafreezone]

31 minutes ago, cyphorX said:

 back then you met someone figured out you liked the same bands and similar political views and hung out in the same places, hung out the rest of the night and bam we were an item.

Yeah you're way behind the times.  No one these days is going to agree to be exclusive after one date.

I also assume anyone that anyone I'm dating is dating at least one other guy.

Edited March 17, 2021 by dramafreezone

[chillii]

Can't say as l ever came across it back in the day, for some reason no idea why but they always wanted to marry me, go figure.

[Justanaverageguy]

On 3/16/2021 at 8:28 AM, SaraSays said:

You mention something intellectual in relation to the man in the above. Have you noticed the difference in what you posted about a woman v's a man?

I think both of them work both ways. I've seen the out of shape guy get fit and dump his girlfriend to move on to a quote "hotter" girl. I've also seen a number of women who moved on after becoming successful professionally. 

Aside from that I've seen quite a number of women who from the outside in it looked like used men basically to finance getting them through their education then immidiately left them when they got independance through work. I had a specific girl who was interested in me a number of years back tell me that exactly. I found out she had a boyfriend even though she was interesting in starting something with me. And when I asked her she was like my school finishes in december so I have to make it through another 6months until then before I can break up with my boyfriend and move out and get my own place. He was paying the rent and covering the bills so she was waiting to finish school to dump him. Made my skin crawl.

Edited March 17, 2021 by Justanaverageguy

[SaraSays]

26 minutes ago, Justanaverageguy said:

I think both of them work both ways. I've seen the out of shape guy get fit and dump his girlfriend to move on to a quote "hotter" girl. I've also seen a number of women who moved on after becoming successful professionally. 

Aside from that I've seen quite a number of women who from the outside in it looked like used men basically to finance getting them through their education then immidiately left them when they got independance through work. I had a specific girl who was interested in me a number of years back tell me that exactly. I found out she had a boyfriend even though she was interesting in starting something with me. And when I asked her she was like my school finishes in december so I have to make it through another 6months until then before I can break up with my boyfriend and move out and get my own place. He was paying the rent and covering the bills so she was waiting to finish school to dump him. Made my skin crawl.

A current check on a website tells me the population of women in the world is 3,899,731,044, as of right now. Even in an  entire lifetime, you won't even know 1% of us, so "quite a number" is no number at all, when put in the context of how many of us there are.

[Justanaverageguy]

57 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

A current check on a website tells me the population of women in the world is 3,899,731,044, as of right now. Even in an  entire lifetime, you won't even know 1% of us, so "quite a number" is no number at all, when put in the context of how many of us there are.

Sure I agree. Lots of variation in people's behaviour on both sides of the gender divide. Was pointing out people from both sexes canact badly towards others in a romantic sense - why I said it happens on both sides. Both men and women. But like you say that's not a reflection of the whole group. You get people who act poorly on both sides and people who act well on both sides. I think due to the OP being a man though he's clearly focused on the behaviour of women in dating pool as thats who he is having experiences with. I'm sure women posting similar threads will have similar experiences with some men.

Edited March 17, 2021 by Justanaverageguy

[NYAG]

8 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Your error is in thinking that people that write in a profile they want to date casually aren't open to a relationship, and that the people that say they want a relationship can handle one.  Here's something that may shock you; sometimes people don't know exactly what they want, so what they say they want is unreliable.  You could very easily date someone that says they want a serious relationship and determine that they're not suitable for one, or date one of these casual daters and her find out that you're the man of her dreams.

You say that every great relationship you had began with that initial attraction, but how do you know that you won't have that connection with these "casual daters" if you don't even give them a chancee?  You're making a lot of assumptions, just doesn't seem like you're settting yourself up for success, hence why you felt the need to write this thread in the first place.  People don't fit into these neat little boxes that you think they do, casual daters vs relationship people.  For most it just depends on who they're dating.

I don't know what self respect has to do with dating other people.  If I'm dating someone, even if I were interested in a relationship I would continue to evaluate my options, as I would expect her to do the same.  I would see a woman that only wanted to date me right off the bat as a red flag.

For sure. I casually dated after my last monogamous relationship ended and thoroughly enjoyed the freedom of not being tied down. Then I had a break and I've gone back into exclusively dating one person who I found after just a couple of months on a particular dating site. But we've not defined it as a relationship. More of an exclusive FWB. Whilst I am happy with this arrangement I certainly wouldn't write off if it developed into something more (it's highly unlikely it will) or if someone else came along who offered me something better or different. Never be a closed book. I have friends who've been on the dating scene for 5, 6, 7 years - single females no kids, independent etc and are still looking for their 'forever partner' because they've labelled it as such from the outset and won't think outside the box or consider something more fluid that might have potential.