Mizz Layta Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 I see MM during work hours only since his job is flexible. However, he is switching jobs and is saying it might effect things..meaning, his job might not offer the same flexibility as the current one. He is not willing to meet after work. Every time I tried to make weekend plans in the past there was always an excuse.i even tried to get him to take a day off so he can spend a day with me to no avail. Seems like he doesn't want to go out of his way and if it becomes too difficult to meet then it might not be worth to him? I like him a lot and wish we were a legit couple but the reality of being with MM is hitting Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 Yup that is the realty. His wife & family come 1st. You are only somebody he sleeps with when he nothing better to do. What's that tell you about what your next move ought to be? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 (edited) Fantasy, meet reality. This man only has time for you during the workday and even now, work is the priority. So if he won’t meet with you outside of work hours... and now he won’t meet with you during work hours... what is left? Again, what does that tell you about what your next move needs to be? Edited March 15, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted March 15, 2021 Author Share Posted March 15, 2021 I guess I will take this opportunity to move on now that it's out of my control. I've tried to let him go before but failed when I would tell myself I would see him one more time. And that one time leads to the next time. I must admit that affairs are addictive but I will never get involve myself in one again. They are definitely hard when you end up wanting something that isn't yours 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 He doesn't make time for you simply because he doesn't want to. Even these married fools seem to find time when they really want to see their affair partners. What you call excuses is actually just him doing what most married folks do, which is prioritze their spouses and families. He isn't interested in "dating" you, so to speak. You're the filler in his day when he's not tied up with work obligations, but he's not looking to take that further. It's time for you to realize that you're way over-invested in someone who doesn't see you the same way. It's not only that it's inconvenient, per se; it's just that he never wanted this to become something more than a fun way to fill downtime during the workday. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 7 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: Every time I tried to make weekend plans in the past there was always an excuse Dating someone who is married, should be inconvenient to you. You're at the mercy of his real life with his real wife and family and their lives together. When you are done being inconvenienced by this arrangement, you'll be happy and free to find a decent honest man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 8 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: I guess I will take this opportunity to move on now that it's out of my control. I've tried to let him go before but failed when I would tell myself I would see him one more time. And that one time leads to the next time. I must admit that affairs are addictive but I will never get involve myself in one again. They are definitely hard when you end up wanting something that isn't yours The fact is, it was never in your control. It was always dictated by his routine and his life and he is very matter of fact about that, as MMs always are. It just so happened that his routine worked for you. This is often one of the reasons things change. If you can't fit in to his schedule and his double life, and you don't feel you are getting what you want out of him anymore, then it's probably time to move on. Never ask for weekends or evenings from a MM, they are off limits and any change in that routine is a red flag to any wife especially if he has no intention of getting caught. And if flexibility in work time changes and you don't like what's on offer, then I think you should move on. It's a fact of these set-ups and it comes with the territory. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 9 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: I see MM during work hours only since his job is flexible. However, he is switching jobs and is saying it might effect things..meaning, his job might not offer the same flexibility as the current one. He is not willing to meet after work. Every time I tried to make weekend plans in the past there was always an excuse.i even tried to get him to take a day off so he can spend a day with me to no avail. Seems like he doesn't want to go out of his way and if it becomes too difficult to meet then it might not be worth to him? I like him a lot and wish we were a legit couple but the reality of being with MM is hitting if you push it and hassle him about changes in his life that he has no control over, he will just drop you anyway. Don't ask for things that are red flags like after work, weekends etc. He's not making excuses. It's too risky for him. Whatever you think you have with him (and this is from personal experience) it is a kind of business transaction. If the contract changes so does the working relationship. I think this will become enormously frustrating for both of you. For him because you will give him flack about it and men hate to be nagged, for you because you no longer have a place in his schedule. if you want to try and make it work, you'll have to back off for a bit and let him work out his schedule and see if he can fit you in. That's the reality. If you can't do that, I strongly suggest it is time to move on because the relationship will become less and less satisfying and it'll end up feeling like a duty. Sorry to sound negative but you need to keep your sensible head on and put yourself first for a change. And yes, I say all this from experience. Never be under an illusion as to what you have with an MM. OW are always expendable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 These work/work place affairs are perfect for married men, as getting caught is reduced to a minimum. Meeting out with workhours usually requires actual lying, so why raise suspicion when he doesn't have to. These affairs can be very long lived as the wife may suspect nothing, and if the OW is willing to wait around, then it can rumble on for years. BUT it rarely leads to anything concrete, as it is all just so comfortable and convenient for the MM. He doesn't need another wife, he has one of them at home... He has both of his lives so well separated they need never meet. Win win. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted March 16, 2021 Author Share Posted March 16, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, NYAG said: The fact is, it was never in your control. It was always dictated by his routine and his life and he is very matter of fact about that, as MMs always are. It just so happened that his routine worked for you. This is often one of the reasons things change. If you can't fit in to his schedule and his double life, and you don't feel you are getting what you want out of him anymore, then it's probably time to move on. Never ask for weekends or evenings from a MM, they are off limits and any change in that routine is a red flag to any wife especially if he has no intention of getting caught. And if flexibility in work time changes and you don't like what's on offer, then I think you should move on. It's a fact of these set-ups and it comes with the territory. Thank you for your insights. I just want to clarify that I only asked for weekends and evenings in the early stages of seeing MM because I went in with the impression that he was separated but still living together for now. So in my mind he was free to see me anytime he can since they were not romantically involved anymore, she wouldn't care what he does but he kept making excuses to see me on weekends using his kids as an excuse. And ofcourse the living arrangement never changed and when i finally asked him he says they were separating when he met me but decided to work things out for the sake of their children. This is when i tried to leave him but would always see him for the last time which always lead to another because i was in too deep. I know hindsight it wasn't wise of me getting myself involved in this mess Edited March 16, 2021 by Mizz Layta Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 So now that you know the truth . . . what are you going to do to get yourself out of this mess? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 Hopefully finding a single and worthy man to date (and perhaps eventually marry if that's something you want) won't be an issue for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 Unfortunately we expect to be treated respectfully by these MM. It rarely happens. We get sorely hurt & disappointed by it all. Then we find solace on these sites to get over it. It is such a total waste of the energy we put forward. Dump him please. I finally did so in my situation and feel SO much better. After a long time has passed, I look back and see him & the situation for what it really was - a man willing to lie and use me for his own gratification. Promises that meant nothing. Empaths who are easy to manipulate end up broken. If anything good comes out of it - is the coat of armor that makes us stronger. That means recognizing bull in all it's forms - and saying no to all their crap - before these men even think twice about talking to us! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 20 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: He doesn't make time for you simply because he doesn't want to. Even these married fools seem to find time when they really want to see their affair partners. What you call excuses is actually just him doing what most married folks do, which is prioritze their spouses and families. He isn't interested in "dating" you, so to speak. You're the filler in his day when he's not tied up with work obligations, but he's not looking to take that further. It's time for you to realize that you're way over-invested in someone who doesn't see you the same way. It's not only that it's inconvenient, per se; it's just that he never wanted this to become something more than a fun way to fill downtime during the workday. I've wondered the same thing because he always seem really into me when we see each other and says he misses me etc but he doesn't seem to put any effort. Yes I know he's married and doesn't want to get caught but I've seen post from other OW who spends even weekends and showered with gifts and the MM treat them as their actual dates and spend real time with them Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said: I've seen post from other OW who spends even weekends and showered with gifts and the MM treat them as their actual dates and spend real time with them Is that really all you aspire too though? “Borrowed” time with another woman’s husband? Gifts in exchange for sex? Or do you want more for yourself? Wishing it was different will not make it so. How much more time are you going to waste here... Surely there must be a single man out there who can offer you more than sex when he can squeeze you into his work day and a few platitudes about how happy he is to see you... Edited March 17, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 43 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Is that really all you aspire too though? “Borrowed” time with another woman’s husband? Gifts in exchange for sex? Or do you want more for yourself? Wishing it was different will not make it so. How much more time are you going to waste here... Surely there must be a single man out there who can offer you more than sex when he can squeeze you into his work day and a few platitudes about how happy he is to see you... I realize that now it is time to move on because it wasn't an arrangement I aspired to be in. If someone had told me that I will be a side chick to taken man who will only offer some texts and sex during his work day I would have laughed at them. The truth of the matter is, I do wish I met MM was free man and we met under different circumastances. and yes wishing it to be different won't make it so. And one thing I will change about my future is, i won't touch another MM with ten feet pole 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 18 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: I've seen post from other OW who spends even weekends and showered with gifts and the MM treat them as their actual dates and spend real time with them Does that actually sound appealing to you? They're in an even worse position than you, because these are the women who tend to be deeply in love with these chumps and waste years on them. They are the ones who usually have the most difficulty moving on because they fooled themselves into believing it was a real relationship, what with the dates and gifts. But the end result? It's usually not running off into the sunset together, and they have essentially zero to show for all the time and emotions thrown away on these guys. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Whaatamidoing Posted March 18, 2021 Share Posted March 18, 2021 Oh my god, I'm sorry and I know I probably sound like a woman scorned now, but honestly I don't think many of the women on here, come here asking advice on whether to get involved or not, I WISH I had, the trouble was, they chased us, we were involved, my MM was not flaky or horrible in the beginning because its thrill of the chase for so many. DO NOT get involved on a business or personal level with this person. Believe me, it will not be easy to get out of, its messy, its difficult and it eats you from the inside out where you cannot express normal emotions because you have a business relationship to maintain. ITS PAINFUL. Funny I was reading this just as I was having a little cry to myself about my situation. Do you honestly think that weekends away and gifts are a worth lonely hours on your own, holidays on your own, birthdays on your own, no one laughing at you when you stub your toe? Gifts and weekends away are what sugar daddy's buy their escorts. Please, if you have enough of a head on you to ask questions at this early stage, you are getting all the answers you need from yourself. No one here is going to advise you to go in head first, how many threads have you read that end with yes, and then we sailed off into the sunset?! The very fact that @elaine567used my experience as a warning tells you everything you need. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thewoomensay Posted March 18, 2021 Share Posted March 18, 2021 Dear Mistress, So much is going on in this tiny paragraph. The most important thing, however, is the last sentence. The reality of being a mistress is that you must accept the terms imposed by two other individuals. First one is his wife. Whatever set of rules she sets, he must follow. Second set of rules come from the MM who does not want to lose his wife, but still wants to have an affair. You ultimately get the short end of the stick because you are dependent on the circumstances of two other individuals. You state that you like him a lot and wished to have him as your partner. Are you conscious of what you are wishing for? Do you want to be with someone who will cheat on you while claiming to be at work? Because that is who he is. If he did it to her, he will do it to you. You are not the exception. You are the mistress. In fact, he has more respect for his wife because he is lying to her by stating he is at work, then he does for you. He has blatantly told you he is married, and you are not priority. I think what you want to do is take the time to seek answers from within. Ask yourself why are you comfortable being second? Why are you accepting to be with someone only when they want to? Why are you not capable of having someone of your own? Why are you accepting excuses? Why are you making excuses? What good would it be even if he were to leave his family and start life with you? What guarantees do you have he will not cheat on you and leave you, too? Know that you deserve a great partner. Know you are worthy of a family of your own. Know you can and will have a family of your own. Know you can feel more than selfishness. Have compassion for yourself and free your mind and spirit from mediocrity by stepping into greatness. One thing I know for sure is: you cannot build you happiness on another person’s sorrow. See you on the side of girlfriend/wife. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 On 3/15/2021 at 10:41 PM, ExpatInItaly said: He doesn't make time for you simply because he doesn't want to. Even these married fools seem to find time when they really want to see their affair partners. What you call excuses is actually just him doing what most married folks do, which is prioritze their spouses and families. He isn't interested in "dating" you, so to speak. You're the filler in his day when he's not tied up with work obligations, but he's not looking to take that further. It's time for you to realize that you're way over-invested in someone who doesn't see you the same way. It's not only that it's inconvenient, per se; it's just that he never wanted this to become something more than a fun way to fill downtime during the workday. Yup. Hadn’t heard from “my” married man in 6 months until his wife went on a girlfriends trip, then who messaged me asking me to meet up & sit on his face??? lol MM!!!! Yup true story, otherwise hadn’t heard a peep from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 On 3/18/2021 at 9:07 AM, thewoomensay said: In fact, he has more respect for his wife because he is lying to her by stating he is at work, then he does for you. He has blatantly told you he is married, and you are not priority. This seems odd to me. Of course you're entitled to your view, but I don't think most people would feel that deception is a sign of respect. Of course, the way things go around here the MM's tend to get bashed no matter what they do, so I guess I'm not surprised to see this being floated. FWIW, in an affair situation, my view is that the MM being honest that he is married shows at least a modicum of respect. This is not some suggestion to throw common sense to the wind and continue the affair, but something to note. He is disrespecting his wife more IMO by deceiving her. And certainly that is on him. What he's not doing is putting her (or him) through a divorce. JMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 On 3/16/2021 at 8:30 AM, Mizz Layta said: Thank you for your insights. I just want to clarify that I only asked for weekends and evenings in the early stages of seeing MM because I went in with the impression that he was separated but still living together for now. So in my mind he was free to see me anytime he can since they were not romantically involved anymore, she wouldn't care what he does but he kept making excuses to see me on weekends using his kids as an excuse. And ofcourse the living arrangement never changed and when i finally asked him he says they were separating when he met me but decided to work things out for the sake of their children. This is when i tried to leave him but would always see him for the last time which always lead to another because i was in too deep. I know hindsight it wasn't wise of me getting myself involved in this mess We are separating = Married mans tale as old as time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thewoomensay Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 14 hours ago, mark clemson said: This seems odd to me. Of course you're entitled to your view, but I don't think most people would feel that deception is a sign of respect. Of course, the way things go around here the MM's tend to get bashed no matter what they do, so I guess I'm not surprised to see this being floated. FWIW, in an affair situation, my view is that the MM being honest that he is married shows at least a modicum of respect. This is not some suggestion to throw common sense to the wind and continue the affair, but something to note. He is disrespecting his wife more IMO by deceiving her. And certainly that is on him. What he's not doing is putting her (or him) through a divorce. JMO. Well let us see, only one of these two women know they are being cheated on and is fine with it. That is the mistress. I say he has respect for his wife because he is not telling her there is someone else in the picture. The mistress, on the other hand, knows there is a wife and is expected to comply with the requirement of being second choice. he is deceitful to his wife, and disrespectful to the mistress. Ultimately, the mistress is the only one here who is comfortable being the secret, the mistress and his last choice. Understand that the wife has him by the balls because he is sneaking behind her back to do this. I am not handing him out honorary trophies ether, but anyone can tell you that despite cheating on them, most MM care about their wives and don't give two shits about losing their mistresses. JMO I totally get your point, too. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 2 hours ago, thewoomensay said: I totally get your point, too. Fair enough. I see what you are saying as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted March 26, 2021 Share Posted March 26, 2021 On 3/24/2021 at 9:01 AM, thewoomensay said: Well let us see, only one of these two women know they are being cheated on and is fine with it. That is the mistress. I say he has respect for his wife because he is not telling her there is someone else in the picture. The mistress, on the other hand, knows there is a wife and is expected to comply with the requirement of being second choice. he is deceitful to his wife, and disrespectful to the mistress. Ultimately, the mistress is the only one here who is comfortable being the secret, the mistress and his last choice. Understand that the wife has him by the balls because he is sneaking behind her back to do this. I am not handing him out honorary trophies ether, but anyone can tell you that despite cheating on them, most MM care about their wives and don't give two shits about losing their mistresses. JMO I totally get your point, too. Spot on! Honey move on stop waiting around for him he is not worth it. There is a script to all of this! We can predict the ending and it isn’t good Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts