Feeling broken

[Tana99]

My now ex broke up with me about 7 months ago at first I didn't understand why and I still don't fully understand now. She said part of it was because she wanted to work on herself and she felt that she had mistreated me but I never felt that way I loved her and still do. The other part for the break up was because I wouldnt help out with work around the house I was lazy and I can definitely see that about me now ive accepted it and I'm trying to be a better person because of it. But it still hurts more than anything I could imagine I feel broken and empty. I don't know what I want anymore sometimes its just sex other times its the comfort of being with someone.

We were together for 7 years right out of highschool I helped raise her kids when their dad wouldn't and now its all gone. Most days I'm fine I just exist and other days I want to die. I feel like I'm not good enough to be with someone else but I realize thats what I crave, to hold someone again, to belong to someone, but I can't bring myself to even try I think part of me is still waiting for her. I don't know what to do. 

[trident_2020]

All you need to do right now is know that over time the feelings will fade and you'll feel better as difficult as that might be to believe.

There will be a day in future when she, and the times you had together will be nothing more than a rapidly fading distant memory.

[scooby-philly]

Hey OP,

 

I'm sorry for your pain. Most relationships that start when people are 16, 18, 21 don't last - especially in the past 40-50 years. There's so much emphasis on intellectual growth from 14 to 24 that we neglect the emotional and psychological and spiritual growth of people so that they hit a spot in life and suddenly the "dam bursts" so to speak. Now is the time to focus on yourself. To not only work on some of the things you should improve about yourself, but to also recognize and embrace your good qualities. Very often breakups involve people over emphasizing an aspect or two of their partner, especially the "dumper" in a situation, and the things they say neglect all the things you did, all the good things you are, etc. It's painful - but it's part of the process of separation. That's especially true of younger people and people that are damaged emotionally/psychologically. And that's not me calling her crazy - cause most people are at least partially damaged. So take the next few months and just "be" with your pain. It's NOT EASY. And anyone that tells you so is lying through their teeth or completely psycho. And no, there's not exact timeframe or roadmap for recovery. It's 1 step forward, 3 steps back some days/weeks. In time, you will start to miss her less and less and you'll find yourself thinking you're missing her when in fact you just miss the mechanics, benefits, and feelings of a relationship. Keep that in mind. Lots of people get hung up after 3, 6, or more months because they can't break their inner child's confusion around that issue. And keep in mind moving forward - there has to be equal commitment, honest communication, and transparency of wants/needs/dreams/lifestyle along the way and take time 3, 6, 12, 18, 24 months in to determine if the relationship is where it should be and where you want it to be going. Keep in mind too - you're probably both in your mid 20's - she was young (and a mother on top of that) and probably didn't communicate her feelings, wants, and needs (and may not have truly understood them as well) along the way - and that's why a lot of relationships fail, particularly when you're younger (though it does happen to folks in their 30s, 40s, and beyond). Just keep on working on yourself and also practicing self-forgiveness for the time being.