KittieKat Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) Hi, I’m interested in dating a married man. The problem is he flirts when we are socially together among friends, he suggests getting together when in person and via texting but then he cancels last minute even a scheduled phone call about a new business project. Does anyone know what’s going on? This last time he said- I think I’m getting a cold, we may need to reschedule. I’ll touch base in a few hours. He hasn’t called to update or reschedule yet. Thank you. KittieKat Edited March 17, 2021 by KittieKat Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) I wonder if his wife would have a problem with her husband “dating” another woman. Not sure why he fails to follow through... perhaps, you would be wise to look elsewhere. Edited March 17, 2021 by BaileyB 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie Moo Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) I have to agree with BaileyB and say probably best to avoid and find someone who is single and can commit to you properly. ‘Dating’ a MM is basically a recipe for upset and heartache and hurting people. Unless he’s in an open marriage and his wife knows he’s ‘dating’ other women 🤷🏼♀️ As for the flirting in front of you it’s him asserting his control over the situation. He’s out with a woman who isn’t his wife. He’s on a high knowing he’s cheating, and he can flirt to his heart’s content. It’s not like he has to be faithful to you, you’re not his wife. apologies for being blunt but if you haven’t started down the road of an affair with him yet then now is the best time to walk away and maintain your self respect. apologies just realised I read it wrong. He’s flirting with you when in a social situation? Still him exerting control over the situation and you’d be wise to shut him down on it. If people notice and think you’re responding they could mention something to his wife if they know her? Edited March 17, 2021 by Minnie Moo Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 5 hours ago, KittieKat said: I’m interested in dating a married man. The problem is he flirts when we are socially together among friends, he suggests getting together when in person and via texting but then he cancels last minute even a scheduled phone call about a new business project. He is likely not interested in "dating" you. He is not free to "date". He likes the attention and the ego boost, but when it coms to actually following through he cannot do it. Crossing the line into making it real can be a big deal for a married man. The consequences of being found out can be severe. He may lose his wife and his kids, Whilst he may like the idea, and flirting is fun, taking it further is likely not worth it to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 5 hours ago, KittieKat said: I’m interested in dating a married man. he cancels last minute It's unclear why you would seek out dating a married man, but lying and excuses and cancelling would be par for the course because his wife and family come first. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittieKat Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: He is likely not interested in "dating" you. He is not free to "date". He likes the attention and the ego boost, but when it coms to actually following through he cannot do it. Crossing the line into making it real can be a big deal for a married man. The consequences of being found out can be severe. He may lose his wife and his kids, Whilst he may like the idea, and flirting is fun, taking it further is likely not worth it to him. Hi, thanks everyone. I get the part about the wife and kids and he’s just flirting but what about the part where we are suppose to talk about a new business project. It’s not like I’m pushing it, he’s the one expressing interest. He doesn’t have to flirt when it comes to discussing business, I’m able to keep it separate. Also the wife has seen the flirting going on but I guess she’s stuck with his ways so accepts it? Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 43 minutes ago, KittieKat said: Hi, thanks everyone. I get the part about the wife and kids and he’s just flirting but what about the part where we are suppose to talk about a new business project. It’s not like I’m pushing it, he’s the one expressing interest. He doesn’t have to flirt when it comes to discussing business, I’m able to keep it separate. Also the wife has seen the flirting going on but I guess she’s stuck with his ways so accepts it? Or he has convinced her it really is nothing and he has to keep everyone loving him for business purposes. And when he flirts with everyone like that (even elderly people), she may just think that is his personality and he would never cross that line.... (Obviously speaking from experience) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 57 minutes ago, KittieKat said: what about the part where we are suppose to talk about a new business project. It’s not like I’m pushing it, he’s the one expressing interest. He doesn’t have to flirt when it comes to discussing business, I’m able to keep it separate. Maybe he is not capable of keeping it separate. Maybe he sees this as a risk that he wants avoid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittieKat Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Maybe he is not capable of keeping it separate. Maybe he sees this as a risk that he wants avoid. A risk he wants to avoid so should I try to get an answer from him? Should I try to get him to open up or let him control the situation. I think he should be told something maybe it would lighten up the flirting and we can still be friends? I’m not aggressive my last response to his text was - Okay feel better - I’m sincerely interested in working together even though I also like the idea of something more but I’m okay with it not happening too. In other words, how can I keep it platonic, I only reached out for business never for just a social call and he responds but then avoids me even though he tries to engage. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 This is such a bad idea. This is your future - 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) I think you are playing with fire here. I would let it go. I don’t think you should be “friends” - you and I both know what your intention is and it’s going to get you into trouble... I would suggest that you let this go as an opportunity lost, as there tend to be many in life. No big deal. Go find yourself something else to do... Edited March 17, 2021 by BaileyB 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) This sounds to me like mostly "thrill of the chase". Does he have kids? While you may like the attention and want this all to happen and so forth, keep in mind that you may be helping this guy blow up his family. He may not care or more likely fully realize or isn't focused on the potential consequences, etc, but - that doesn't mean that YOU need to be the person who assists with this. A wiser course IMO, would be for you to let you have the ego boost of him chasing you, him the ego boost of your interest, leave it at that and walk away. You have the option to look for single men. Edited March 17, 2021 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 1 hour ago, KittieKat said: I’m sincerely interested in working together even though I also like the idea of something more but I’m okay with it not happening too. I'm not sure why you would want to jeopardize your professional career by entertaining something more with a potential business partner who is married? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittieKat Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 52 minutes ago, mark clemson said: This sounds to me like mostly "thrill of the chase". Does he have kids? While you may like the attention and want this all to happen and so forth, keep in mind that you may be helping this guy blow up his family. He may not care or more likely fully realize or isn't focused on the potential consequences, etc, but - that doesn't mean that YOU need to be the person who assists with this. A wiser course IMO, would be for you to let you have the ego boost of him chasing you, him the ego boost of your interest, leave it at that and walk away. You have the option to look for single men. Yes, I think it’s a thrill thing too. I guess that’s what’s intriguing to me. Yes, he has two older teenagers. I’m starting to see he’s not worth it and I really like the idea of ignoring him more and more after reading your post. He can go blow, already we know he’s wrong to flirt in front of his wife and she’s stuck with a cheater, not a good feeling for her too. Sad how people aren’t more direct and to the point about things, a lot of wasted time between people when they aren’t sincere with their feelings and have to lie to themselves to keep in a relationship, be it personal or professional. So many people are deceitful to themselves for an ego that can’t even understand, makes little sense to me. Instead of taking the time to reflect and analyze their ego they just repeat their sameness and don’t seek to improve and experience more in life. I sense the fear factor is at play for many of us. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 Am I reading this right that he openly flirts in. front of his wife? What kind of a guy does that? Sounds like a jerk to me. If that's what he's doing it says a lot about how he treats the people in his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittieKat Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 17 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said: Am I reading this right that he openly flirts in. front of his wife? What kind of a guy does that? Sounds like a jerk to me. If that's what he's doing it says a lot about how he treats the people in his life. Yes he does, it’s so crazy. It’s not subtle, he must be hell at home. I don’t know why I’m even interested at all, I’m actually very confident and have a strong character. The wife acts as if she’s enjoying the time together but I can’t see how she doesn’t get disgusted with him. If he does what he wants why wouldn’t he just go along with the scheduled call we had for example? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 ^^^Obviously not your problem, it’s her problem. What happens between them in their marriage is between them. The only control you have here is whether or not to insert yourself into their marriage. And if the answer to that question is not, then what they do shouldn’t matter to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 I don't expect an answer, but why would you even want to go out with a guy that would by definition be a liar and cheater? Doesn't seem like a very good future for you. You would likely be alone on major holidays (he'd be with his family) and essentially not 'be first' in his life. He would be proven from the beginning as having low character/morals/potential for fidelity. Ask yourself why you would even want that and consider if therapy might help you - seriously. Actions have consequences. Getting involved with a liar/cheater probably isn't going to improve your life long term. Guard your heart. Have more respect for yourself. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 The irony here is that you are passing judgment on his wife when you began this discussion by stating that you were interested and wanted to “date” this man... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittieKat Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 5 minutes ago, BaileyB said: The irony here is that you are passing judgment on his wife when you began this discussion by stating that you were interested and wanted to “date” this man... Yes this is true, I’m thinking of everything, why I’m interested and why she goes along with the obvious and obnoxious behavior. For her it could be the lifestyle she gains but for me it’s more of the thrill. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 42 minutes ago, KittieKat said: Yes this is true, I’m thinking of everything, why I’m interested and why she goes along with the obvious and obnoxious behavior. For her it could be the lifestyle she gains but for me it’s more of the thrill. It could even be he spotted a woman who has zero self esteem and would be willing to put up with his behaviour because she feels it's the best she can do. There's men/women like that-they endure being disrespected because their self esteem is so low they feel they have no other choice. mind you, I have no idea in their specific case. Does it really matter? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 If he's pulling last minute excuses like this more than one it's a red flag. I would jump ship even if he weren't married. At best he's not into you and looking for an ego stroke. You can do better than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) 37 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said: It could even be he spotted a woman who has zero self esteem and would be willing to put up with his behaviour because she feels it's the best she can do. There's men/women like that-they endure being disrespected because their self esteem is so low they feel they have no other choice. mind you, I have no idea in their specific case. Does it really matter? No, it doesn’t really matter... Could be that they went home that night and had a huge disagreement because of his inappropriate behavior. Maybe he slept on the sofa. Maybe that’s why he’s flirting with another woman at a party... because he is unloved and his wife is so controlling. 🙄 You just don’t know - if she likes the lifestyle, if she stays for the children, if she has resigned herself, if they fight about this and/or other affairs... it could be so many different things. And no, as someone who is not involved in this marriage it does not matter to you at all. Edited March 17, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 You are wasting your time with this loser who is playing you! Please dump his butt! You are an ego boost to him. MM may not be getting enough attention from wifey. So they look to see if they've still got their mojo. He will ignore you, say one thing & do another. Your head is already spinning from his mixed signals. Drop him & don't try to analyze it any further. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittieKat Posted March 17, 2021 Author Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Luna66star said: You are wasting your time with this loser who is playing you! Please dump his butt! You are an ego boost to him. MM may not be getting enough attention from wifey. So they look to see if they've still got their mojo. He will ignore you, say one thing & do another. Your head is already spinning from his mixed signals. Drop him & don't try to analyze it any further. You all make it sound so easy, but for some reason it’s not so easy to just drop it. I go back and forth thinking about it and the fact that he’s doing this makes it even more exciting. Maybe next time I can at least tell him off or something. Any ideas what I can say that would irritate him? Edited March 17, 2021 by KittieKat Link to post Share on other sites
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