What's going on with married man

[BaileyB]

1 minute ago, KittieKat said:

I go back and forth thinking about it and the fact that he’s doing this makes it even more exciting. Maybe next time I can at least tell him off or something. Any ideas what I can say that would irritate him?

Is this really who you are? 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, KittieKat said:

 Any ideas what I can say that would irritate him?

"How's your wife? I was thinking of friending her on FB, what you think?"

Edited March 17, 2021 by Wiseman2

[jah526]

2 hours ago, Luna66star said:

You are an ego boost to him.  MM may not be getting enough attention from wifey.  So they look to see if they've still got their mojo.

Just wanted to re-emphasize this. Wait and see how thrilling it is when he uses that pumped-up ego you've provided for him to chase other women. Don't be a literal tool.

Edited March 17, 2021 by jah526

[KittieKat]

5 minutes ago, jah526 said:

Just wanted to re-emphasize this. Wait and see how thrilling it is when he uses that pumped-up ego you've provided for him to chase other women. Don't be a literal tool.

Well he can use his pumped up ego all he wants, I will use it too then to diminish his ego.

[Luna66star]

It's not easy to drop because this is an addiction to the excitement, the emotional highs involved.  It's a cat and mouse game.  Eventually you will become so exhausted from the emotional highs & lows - your health will suffer, you won't sleep at night.  I've been there and back!

I was able to break away after my exhaustion caused health issues. I read many blogs online from other women who went through the same torture. Some continue putting their lives on hold, obsessing, analyzing. What does it get them in the end?  Nothing!

What got me angry the most was how many of these MM men are predators playing with our emotions.  So many women are victims.  They are good,  caring, empathetic people who get used.

My anger strengthened me.  I never contacted him again.  They hate the rejection and can't take it  

If you're not ready to walk now, one day you will be ready.  After you are in bad shape and need counseling.

 

 

 

 

 

[Bonifidelifelover]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

The irony here is that you are passing judgment on his wife when you began this discussion by stating that you were interested and wanted to “date” this man...

Right! Lol

[KittieKat]

9 minutes ago, Luna66star said:

It's not easy to drop because this is an addiction to the excitement, the emotional highs involved.  It's a cat and mouse game.  Eventually you will become so exhausted from the emotional highs & lows - your health will suffer, you won't sleep at night.  I've been there and back!

I was able to break away after my exhaustion caused health issues. I read many blogs online from other women who went through the same torture. Some continue putting their lives on hold, obsessing, analyzing. What does it get them in the end?  Nothing!

What got me angry the most was how many of these MM men are predators playing with our emotions.  So many women are victims.  They are good,  caring, empathetic people who get used.

My anger strengthened me.  I never contacted him again.  They hate the rejection and can't take it  

If you're not ready to walk now, one day you will be ready.  After you are in bad shape and need counseling.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m ready to walk now but I think he could use a little more toying with this way he can adjust his ego issues. They are willing to play with us, nothing wrong with doing the same. As for wasting my time it’s just part of my life not exactly a waster more a lesson.

[KittieKat]

5 minutes ago, Bonifidelifelover said:

Right! Lol

It’s not a laughing matter, many think we write here to have fun or something. We are real people with real feelings. The behavior here is often similar to the abuse one is already complaining about rather than helpful.

[mark clemson]

It's hard to know what to make of flirting right in front of his wife. In a normal situation it would be extremely disrespectful, depending on the nature of the flirting. Certainly bringing up/alluding to anything directly sexual. So one wonders why she puts up with it.

Some possibilities (among many): it is an open marriage/they have "an arrangement", maybe she is simply weak, maybe she likes it so long as he comes back to her (rare, but this sort of thing is out there), maybe she has a cukquean fetish and wants him to be with you but he's not sure, maybe they are seeking a "unicorn" (2nd female partner, to form a throuple). The fact that she's not stopping him means something a bit odd is going on.

You're unlikely to find out unless you dig into it, but again, if none of this sounds like it might be something that's for you - just walk away. The right single guy obviates the need to deal with any of the "baggage" that might go along with any of this. And you sound resentful of him. This is understandable, but keep in mind the "ego feeding" is mutual + he may not really get how much he "hurt" you, particularly at this early stage where there is no actual relationship.

[MsJayne]

The concept of someone deliberately chasing a married person is very interesting to me because I don't understand why anyone would deliberately engineer a situation where they knew they were going to get trashed at the end. Regardless, anyway, it doesn't sound like he's really interested, more like he's just patronising you. Anyone thinking of pursuing another woman's husband should read the story of Vivienne Cameron and Beth Barnard, which is a timely warning about disrespecting the mousy little housewife. Also, perhaps some counselling to help you understand why you want to do something so distasteful to another woman, because such a lack of empathy is quite worrying. 

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, KittieKat said:

many think we write here to have fun or something. We are real people with real feelings.

I’m trying hard to understand why you feel that you were wronged. Do you feel rejected, and as such your plan to soothe your bruised ego is to adjust his ego and teach him a lesson? Or, are you just really that entitled that you think this is your place, your right to do? He has done no harm to you. If he is flirting or cheating, that his wife’s problem to solve. Seriously, tomorrow is another day... go find another man to date.

Edited March 18, 2021 by BaileyB

[Luna66star]

I agree with Bailey.  Teaching him a lesson is wasting precious energy. We only have one life to live and it's short.  Too short to waste on this joker!

Edited March 18, 2021 by Luna66star
Typo

[basil67]

5 hours ago, KittieKat said:

Well he can use his pumped up ego all he wants, I will use it too then to diminish his ego.

I don't understand your reaction.   All he's done is flirted with you a bit.  Unless he's been suggesting that the two of you meet up for a hot session in a motel room, he's done nothing to warrant any revenge or pushback from you. 

If you don't like the flirting, simply react by taking a breath, give him a stern look and go back on topic.

[KittieKat]

59 minutes ago, S2B said:

He sets it up to stroke his ego - He cancels last minute to see if you are compliant to being treated badly... so his way of testing you/grooming you to pay attention to him but to keep coming back even though he delivers nothing in your favor.

question is: why do YOU keep participating? Especially after saying yourself you have standards you live by... you consider seeing a married man?

get your priorities in check... the two don’t gel. You can’t live with character and be intimate with a married man - it’s either one or the other - not both.

date single men - you’ll be less disappointed - in them and in yourself.

 

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

I don't understand your reaction.   All he's done is flirted with you a bit.  Unless he's been suggesting that the two of you meet up for a hot session in a motel room, he's done nothing to warrant any revenge or pushback from you. 

If you don't like the flirting, simply react by taking a breath, give him a stern look and go back on topic.

He has been extremely flirtatious in front of his wife, very obviously, to the point of slapping  me on the bottom numerous times and kept whispering in front of his wife for me to text him so we could take this further.  I don’t mind the flirting so much I mind that I’m also interested in discussing a business idea/plan and instead he skirts it in this fashion. He’s the one thats playing silly games. I do remember he mentioned his older daughter keeps going back to a guy that keeps ditching her and she keeps going back to him, he chuckled afterwards, saying he doesn’t get it.

[KittieKat]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

He sets it up to stroke his ego - He cancels last minute to see if you are compliant to being treated badly... so his way of testing you/grooming you to pay attention to him but to keep coming back even though he delivers nothing in your favor.

question is: why do YOU keep participating? Especially after saying yourself you have standards you live by... you consider seeing a married man?

get your priorities in check... the two don’t gel. You can’t live with character and be intimate with a married man - it’s either one or the other - not both.

date single men - you’ll be less disappointed - in them and in yourself.

Seems like this is a good explanation to me. Matches what I feel too. One reason I participate is because I want to discuss a business plan with him, he’s working on the same type of project I am so the flirting to me isn’t that big of deal. I do date single guys and I find they also behave the same way. Meaning they have multiple girlfriends,  they are sneaky and deny it too. Married or single there are many men out there that are playing games. I’m not meek or needy in fact most of the time indifferent to these type of games. Unfortunately this time I kinda of like him or feel some attraction anyways.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, KittieKat said:

 I participate is because I want to discuss a business plan with him

You don't have to flirt your way through your professional advancement, do you?

If so that's sexual harassment.

[KittieKat]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You don't have to flirt your way through your professional advancement, do you?

If so that's sexual harassment.

I don’t have to flirt at all, as I I mentioned before I’m very professional in my conversations with him and in my texts. I haven’t suggested anything whatsoever, he said he would call me to discuss further and instead last minute cancels the call earlier in the day saying he’d touch base in a few hours but never followed up, two days have gone by so far. He doesn’t have to worry about his wife in this scenario it’s  just a phone call about business. So again why is he playing this game,  one thing is to play it for his personal fun but I’m showing interest in a business matter. I texted him regarding business not pleasure.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, KittieKat said:

, he said he would call me to discuss further and instead last minute cancels the call earlier in the day saying he’d touch base in a few hours but never followed up, two days have gone by so far. 

If these are business discussions and work related meeting, why are you applying dating dynamics to it?

Try not to conflate your dating life with your business life.

[KittieKat]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If these are business discussions and work related meeting, why are you applying dating dynamics to it?

Try not to conflate your dating life with your business life.

I’m not combining the two, it happens to be the case with this person, he’s connecting the two for no reason. Flirting when together is one thing and then when I contact him in a professional way he behaves unprofessional and turns into a game instead. I know it’s not worth it but since the conversation has opened up about how to approach him and dating I’m explaining exactly how I see it and how I react to it. He’s not correct that’s for sure, I’m not deliberately hurting his wife either because she’s a bit odd too. She witnesses his behavior goes along with and stays with him so that’s her choice and I’m not interfering with it.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, KittieKat said:

 when I contact him in a professional way he behaves unprofessional 

So this is just a co-worker who flirts, but you enjoy the attention?

Of course you're not hurting his wife, this "affair" seems mosty in your mind.

[KittieKat]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

So this is just a co-worker who flirts, but you enjoy the attention?

Of course you're not hurting his wife, this "affair" seems mosty in your mind.

Not a co worker, flirting part is fine, take it or leave it. I’m not having an “affair” in my mind I’m very direct and open with him and myself. Again he’s playing the games and imagine he’s well known too. That’s what people look up to, in the news, in politics, in all the various fields people admire insincere cheaters, that are often just lucky to be in their current positions. So I’m interested in learning more from this situation as it helps me understand and learn how to work with this type of person in the future. 

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, KittieKat said:

I’m interested in learning more from this situation as it helps me understand and learn how to work with this type of person in the future.

I think you don’t work with this kind of person in the future.

A man who shows you this kind of disrespect and doesn’t respond to your request to meet and discuss a possible business opportunity is not particularly interested in doing business with you.

[Bittersweetie]

So wait...you want to enter a business partnership with a man who has slapped your bottom numerous times in front of his wife? Good grief. Step away from this man, I don't see anything positive coming from these interactions, professional or personal. 

[notbroken]

Never forget the principle that "You reap what you sow".   If you want dishonesty, games, cheating, etc in your life then keep pursuing him and playing along - you'll get it.  If you want honesty, available people, a real relationship, and no games then don't.   This applies to all your dealings.   

[KittieKat]

46 minutes ago, Bittersweetie said:

So wait...you want to enter a business partnership with a man who has slapped your bottom numerous times in front of his wife? Good grief. Step away from this man, I don't see anything positive coming from these interactions, professional or personal. 

Not a partnership just share some ideas and get opinions, like I mentioned before this sort of behavior from men is unfortunately very common in the work place and women have to work around it all the time. Just because they don’t talk about it openly doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Yes, some are very professional but in my experience and many of my friends all have similar stories. The men do pretty much what they want regardless of how women behave and women also are to blame because the say one thing and do another too. We have not changed all that much,  change takes time. Decades have past and we are still talking about the same issues.