Author RJ09 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 @trident_2020 @Gaeta😔 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 I read your story and I am very sorry you are going through this. Online romance are very hard to get over. A few years ago I had to go through that, it lasted a full year online and we never met. It was the hardest heart break I had to go through but at the same time that breakup was the best thing that happened because it was not based on reality but on a dream and dreams don't survive in the real world. You have to put this infatuation story behind you and move forward. It was good while it lasted but now it's over. You are in your 40s you know that was not love but infatuation and it's hard to deal with the drop of oxytocin when it's over. Time is your best friend here. Do not try to contact him, delete his contact, pictures, and anything reminding you of him. When you start feeling better give a try to local dating. Be brave, you can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 @Gaetayeah, I think it's common for online romance to be judged as unreal and at times I felt that way too. He would have visited earlier if not for Covid; we were waiting also for the lockdown to lift so he would have visited in May; we were looking on ways which I can secure a visa, one where I can stay longer (so tourist was out and obviously I won't be able to get a fiance visa) and the fact he told his loved ones about me (which started this whole thing), I think it lent some truth and credibility to the relationship - not that it matters now I know. But it doesn't make things less painful. Or maybe we both lost our heads back there due to the pandemic? Why do relationships start so easy and end up so complicated? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 26, 2021 Author Share Posted March 26, 2021 I just said I found something to smile today. Lockdown's easing there on Monday. I'm very happy for you. I hope you're doing okay, and I hope you'll become much better. Got me thinking if I'm on my way to being okay. Then just before it turned dark, I found myself crying. Gut wrenching cry. I think I didn't cry yesterday. Two weeks since we've talked last. If you'd been an ordinary guy, I might have an idea of what you're going through. But the one thing I loved most about you, being different, is now working against me. It makes me wonder what you really are going through. But if I can make it through the day, day after day, then I know you can too. You are much stronger than you think you are. I guess, I should be thankful for that. I really miss you, I miss you so so much. And I pray, that even if when we're not talking, I pray that you would remember, that you would know, someone cares about you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 29, 2021 Author Share Posted March 29, 2021 It's been 18 days since I last heard from him. Don't know how much longer I can go on not talking to him. And I know I should not talk to him anymore. Even if he wanted to be friends still. I'd only muddle things for him. Their lockdown is slowly easing up. And it would be summer. He would be fine in a few months, not suffering from depression. I should let him start clean. I'm just finding it so hard. Especially today Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 1 hour ago, RJ09 said: It's been 18 days since I last heard from him. Don't know how much longer I can go on not talking to him. And I know I should not talk to him anymore. Even if he wanted to be friends still. I'd only muddle things for him. Their lockdown is slowly easing up. And it would be summer. He would be fine in a few months, not suffering from depression. I should let him start clean. I'm just finding it so hard. Especially today Just think of it in smaller increments. I have to go the next hour without talking to him. When you accomplish that, say you have to go the next 1.5 hours. Then 2 hours. Pretty soon the day will be over & you will have done it. Repeat tomorrow. Do have distractions built in so you don't reach out. Post here. Go for a walk. Speed clean something for 15 minutes. Call your BFF. Run a diagnostic on your phone so it's busy & you can't call him. One day at a time. If that is too overwhelming, one hour at a time. You can do this! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 29, 2021 Author Share Posted March 29, 2021 @d0nnivainthank you so much. Just that the clock seems to tick sooooo sloooooow Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 10 minutes ago, RJ09 said: @d0nnivainthank you so much. Just that the clock seems to tick sooooo sloooooow I know. I had a painful break many years ago where I had to say OK, I'm gonna go 15 minutes without crying. By the time I made it to two weeks I felt better but that took months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 29, 2021 Author Share Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) I'm almost into my third week. I know I'd feel sad but I thought, it should at least be subsiding a bit. But I think it's getting worse everyday. And I've been rehashing our last convo and been desperately trying to find some underlying meaning in it when I know it's just a straight goodbye. I've been asking myself if I should have asked or made a dialogue with him when he told me that, instead of just staying silent and immediately stopping talking to him. It's eating me up. Edited March 29, 2021 by RJ09 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 Give yourself a break. There are no magic words. Nothing you could have said would have changed the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 The first month is very hard. In one of my past breakup I took a calendar with big squares and I crossed each day that passed as a successful day without contact. I did that for the first 6 weeks, I had read somewhere it takes 6 weeks for the 'craving' feeling to get better. Read about *letting go* of things that are not yours to control. I have reached my 4 months post breakup and at times it feels like it happened yesterday. I wonder if he's happier without me, all that blahblah I could do without. Hang in there, it's true time will make it better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 @d0nnivain @Gaeta, thank you both so much. I've been in break-ups before, I know the process. It's quite ironic that with age, I should be wiser and more aware of this - but on the other hand, maybe it's knowing too that I am older and maybe, the chance of me finding something like that again is not too great. I don't know. Or maybe this is part of my process, to wallow too in insecurities etc. Basically, I just go back to thinking what is the best for us whenever I feel I can't do it anymore. But man...it's so damn difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 You're not old 😊 I fell in love like l never did before at 50. Now i'm 55 and l have no doubt love is waiting for me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) I'm glad to hear that for you. Maybe. I'm from the Philippines - so I guess, there's a bit of a problem with the culture too with regards to that. Anyways. I'm too afraid for that now. Let's see 😊 Edited March 30, 2021 by RJ09 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 Don't tell me you don't love me anymore 'Cause that's unfair and I couldn't believe it Tell me you were hurt And that you couldn't forgive me Tell me you couldn't get over it And that you couldn't trust me anymore That, I can understand That, I can accept You couldn't unlove someone in a matter of days It doesn't work that way, No matter how smart you are Or how much things got worst... Because if it's true that you don't love me anymore I'll just realize that you never loved me at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 Do you think I can have one more kiss? I’ll find closure on your lips and then I’ll go. Maybe, also one more breakfast, one more lunch and one more dinner. I’ll be full and happy and we can part. But in between meals, maybe we can lie in bed one more time. One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as I rest my head on your chest. My hope, is if we add up the one mores it will equal a lifetime and I never have to get to the part where I have to let you go. But that’s not real, is it? There are no more, one mores. I met you when everything was new and exciting and the possibilities of the world seemed endless. And they still are, for you, for me, but not for us. Somewhere between then and now, here and there, I guess we didn’t just grow apart, we grew up. When something breaks, and the pieces are big enough, you can fix it. I guess sometimes things don’t break, they shatter, but when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter. And in those moments, when the pieces catch the sun, I’ll remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it will always be, because it was us, and we are magic, forever. - Someone Great Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted April 1, 2021 Author Share Posted April 1, 2021 (edited) 3 weeks ago today, he broke up with me. He said he still cared and wanted to be friends still. I said nothing and just vanished. Well, we haven't talked since but our communications were open. But today, just now, I saw that he has finally blocked me. He really didn't care? Maybe he thought I don't need him anymore? I don't know what I am feeling right now...a heavy burden in my heart, making it hard for me to breathe. My throat choking on tears I don't want to shed. Why does it hurt so much Edited April 1, 2021 by RJ09 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted April 1, 2021 Author Share Posted April 1, 2021 How can you be so cruel? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2021 Share Posted April 1, 2021 Him blocking you is NOT cruel. You don't understand this yet because your grief is so acute but the separation is good for you. He's forcing the issue & now you have no choice but to process. Yes, it hurts but that pain will fade with time & distance. What good self soothing thing are you going to do for yourself? It may not be the healthies but personally given the season I recommend jelly beans or a chocolate rabbit to drown your sorrows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Share Posted April 2, 2021 10 hours ago, d0nnivain said: It may not be the healthies but personally given the season I recommend jelly beans or a chocolate rabbit to drown your sorrows. Thank you, but I'm good with my concoction of coffees and smokes. Been existing on them really Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 Do you have friends and family around? Try eating healthier and avoid the caffeine. If you're already have trouble with anxiety and heartbreak, ditch the caffeine. Start getting better rest and sleep. You'll thank yourself later. How are your kids doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Share Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) @glows thank you, kids are great 😊. I do function. And well, I'm going through this alone, but I know I'm going to be okay - just takes time. Some days are good, most are bad, but that's life. He told me long way back that I am capable and smart, and I think I am. So I know, I can do it. Wish me luck Edited April 2, 2021 by RJ09 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 31 minutes ago, RJ09 said: @glows thank you, kids are great 😊. I do function. And well, I'm going through this alone, but I know I'm going to be okay - just takes time. Some days are good, most are bad, but that's life. He told me long way back that I am capable and smart, and I think I am. So I know, I can do it. Wish me luck If you're raising your kids on your own as a single mum, you are capable and smart. You don't need a man to tell you that. And yes, you will be okay - one step at a time. Find ways to enrich and add to your life, stay busy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Share Posted April 2, 2021 Thank you. Everyone's kind words have been helping me a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 Him blocking you is a blessing in disguise. Also, after a breakup, the one offering a friendship is usually the one less emotionally invested. There is no way I could play friends just like that with a man I am still in love with. He could, which means he was already detaching. Hang in there! better days are coming! Link to post Share on other sites
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