Schizophrenia. Would it be a dealbreaker for you?

[Negotaurus]

Curious question. I am schizophrenic myself, I have been ghosted countless times after coming clean. The last time the bloke left me waiting at a restaurant after going to “the bathroom”. He never came back! I paid for our meals and made my way home, only to realise he’s blocked me everywhere :’). 

I also post on “szhizo-forums” but it’s unlikely I’ll ever date another schizophrenic. So I decided to ask here. 

[Fletch Lives]

11 minutes ago, Negotaurus said:

I also post on “szhizo-forums” but it’s unlikely I’ll ever date another schizophrenic.

That might be a good place to find a date.

Do you take medication for it? 

Depending on your morals, you could tell the guy later. After he falls in love with you, he might not be so ready to run

[Negotaurus]

14 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

That might be a good place to find a date.

Do you take medication for it? 

Depending on your morals, you could tell the guy later. After he falls in love with you, he might not be so ready to run

Two schizos together sounds like disaster! :’)
 

I am on medication, yep. I’ve also done a LOT of therapy, and still do. I think I’m quite aware of my “condition” thanks to it. But I’d never hide it when dating.. I think people have the right to fully know what they’re getting themselves into. I’ve usually come clean on the second date or so. 

[trident_2020]

13 minutes ago, Negotaurus said:

Two schizos together sounds like disaster! :’)

Sounds like a double date!

[Weezy1973]

I think schizophrenia is misunderstood primarily which might cause people to react negatively. A lot of people think schizo = crazy. I mean honestly you can say that about mental illness in general. Also if you’re dating strangers (from online dating for example) and telling them on the second date, they haven’t invested a lot and there are more options online. 
 

What you could do if you’re doing online dating is actually let people know in your profile, and maybe even add a short blurb about how it impacts your life etc. That way the people that contact you will know in advance. Doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible of course, but would filter out those who are ignorant about mental illness and / or those where it’s a dealbreaker.

[Negotaurus]

8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think schizophrenia is misunderstood primarily which might cause people to react negatively. A lot of people think schizo = crazy. I mean honestly you can say that about mental illness in general. Also if you’re dating strangers (from online dating for example) and telling them on the second date, they haven’t invested a lot and there are more options online. 
 

What you could do if you’re doing online dating is actually let people know in your profile, and maybe even add a short blurb about how it impacts your life etc. That way the people that contact you will know in advance. Doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible of course, but would filter out those who are ignorant about mental illness and / or those where it’s a dealbreaker.

That is so true. The guy who booked it in the restaurant looked terrified after I told him. Mental illnesses are starting to gain more recognition, though, so I am glad things are slowly changing.  
 

When I get back to dating, I will see what happens when I put it onto my profile. I’ve thought about it before but I always fear most people will judge me without knowing me at all. 
 

I will probably wait a few more years though. I am in my early 20s and most my age don’t want this in their life, which is understandable.  

[Watercolors]

10 minutes ago, Negotaurus said:

That is so true. The guy who booked it in the restaurant looked terrified after I told him. Mental illnesses are starting to gain more recognition, though, so I am glad things are slowly changing.  

When I get back to dating, I will see what happens when I put it onto my profile. I’ve thought about it before but I always fear most people will judge me without knowing me at all. 

I will probably wait a few more years though. I am in my early 20s and most my age don’t want this in their life, which is understandable.  

If you want to find the right man to date you, you need to be upfront about your schizophrenia in your online dating profile. The way you chose to tell your date, ambushed him, which, from an outsider's point of view, may be because you feel insecure about it based on the way the public and the media portrays people with this disease. So, as a self-defense tactic, you just dropped it on him, expecting him to just accept you, without giving him anytime to process it. 

So, as long as you're upfront in writing on your dating profile about your disease and show that you have a sense of humor about it (introduce it with self-deprication because that's how comedians get audiences to accept their points of views on topics, and how they make audiences laugh), you'll have a higher chance of going out with men who are fully aware of schizophrenia, and maybe they will ask you questions about it so they can feel more at east. 

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps the best-known movie about schizophrenia, “A Beautiful Mind” is a powerful account of the life of mathematician and Nobel Prize winner John Nash 

 

[lana-banana]

Medications have made great strides, and we've come a long way in combating stigma, but schizophrenia is still very serious. I think what I would want to see is someone who had years of experience keeping it under control---in short, I'd want to know that you have it handled with medication, therapy, etc, and that you're committed to taking care of yourself. Have you held down a job for a few years? Are your finances relatively sound, do you have plenty of friends, do you have your life in order? If you can demonstrate to someone that you lead an "ordinary" and happy life, they'll probably be more accepting.

I dated someone with schizophrenia while he was having his first "outbreak", so to speak. It was pretty frightening. You absolutely do not deserve to be ghosted or treated differently than anyone else, but you do have a significant hurdle. Be honest and try to be comfortable about it.

[elaine567]

I would not put it on your profile.
Too many predators and people looking for "victims" to abuse out there.

[Miss Spider]

I think it would depend on the severity of it. Because I’ve known of schizophrenics on meds that seemed no different than anyone I know that didn’t have it, but I’ve also known of schizophrenics that became detached from reality and heard voices that convinced  them to kill others. So it would really be how the person described their condition to me and how it impacts them( and how much I liked the person in general, whether I would go ahead and date them. There is a negative stigma attached to it though and a lot of people are just not that understanding of mental illness. Sorry that happened to you. Agree to not put it on your profile. That’s way too personal for that 

Edited March 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Negotaurus]

3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

If you want to find the right man to date you, you need to be upfront about your schizophrenia in your online dating profile. The way you chose to tell your date, ambushed him, which, from an outsider's point of view, may be because you feel insecure about it based on the way the public and the media portrays people with this disease. So, as a self-defense tactic, you just dropped it on him, expecting him to just accept you, without giving him anytime to process it. 

So, as long as you're upfront in writing on your dating profile about your disease and show that you have a sense of humor about it (introduce it with self-deprication because that's how comedians get audiences to accept their points of views on topics, and how they make audiences laugh), you'll have a higher chance of going out with men who are fully aware of schizophrenia, and maybe they will ask you questions about it so they can feel more at east. 

But how did I ambush him? I was honestly just trying to give myself a chance. Most get freaked out when I tell them “I’m schizo” right off the bat.. That’s my experience anyway. There have been guys that have given me a chance after meeting me and finding out later, thanks to me basically not acting like a lunatic. 

[Miss Spider]

15 minutes ago, Negotaurus said:

But how did I ambush him? I was honestly just trying to give myself a chance. Most get freaked out when I tell them “I’m schizo” right off the bat.. That’s my experience anyway. There have been guys that have given me a chance after meeting me and finding out later, thanks to me basically not acting like a lunatic. 

I think if you write it on your profile  that it automatically makes it sound like it is very severe. Also, on a profile it doesn’t really give the person a chance to explain it in their own words or give much context beyond that. So the average person who not versed in mental illness is going probably going to jump to their stereotypical  impression of it - psychotic, disassociated person with shoes untied  person making word salad and talking to their voices. They will read it as crazy and not message.
 

When if they actually went on a date with the person they could find they really like them and they seem as together and functional as anyone else. They can also explain how they’ve been been diagnosed with schizophrenia, what it means in their life, and how they’ve doing well on seroquel for years.  
 

It’s the same thing for me meeting this one guy a few years back that had social anxiety. He told me on the date that he had a serious social anxiety. He seemed a little nervous, but I don’t think that I would’ve guessed that he has social anxiety the way that I think of it where it socially cripples you. If he had put that on his profile it would’ve been really odd to me... and also I might have formed an opinion it was significant because he listed it and formed preconceived notion based on that 

Edited March 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Negotaurus]

28 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Medications have made great strides, and we've come a long way in combating stigma, but schizophrenia is still very serious. I think what I would want to see is someone who had years of experience keeping it under control---in short, I'd want to know that you have it handled with medication, therapy, etc, and that you're committed to taking care of yourself. Have you held down a job for a few years? Are your finances relatively sound, do you have plenty of friends, do you have your life in order? If you can demonstrate to someone that you lead an "ordinary" and happy life, they'll probably be more accepting.

I dated someone with schizophrenia while he was having his first "outbreak", so to speak. It was pretty frightening. You absolutely do not deserve to be ghosted or treated differently than anyone else, but you do have a significant hurdle. Be honest and try to be comfortable about it.

You’re 100% right. I have had a good job for years, finances ok.. But I am very isolated. I literally talk to nobody outside of work. No friends. I have my guinea pigs, they help me a lot, for me it’s more peaceful like this.. I draw, read, knit and crochet and I’m alright. I’ll most likely never fully have my life “in order” though. Most days I deal with it just fine, but sometimes I cannot pull myself out of an episode. Chances are it will get worse as I get older, unless some new strides are made in treatment. That’s actually why I pulled myself out of dating as I’m confused. The guilt of putting somebody else through this is quite crippling. 

19 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I would not put it on your profile.
Too many predators and people looking for "victims" to abuse out there.

I thought of that too. I have been bullied by grown adults for this, all kinds of weirdos out there (and that’s coming from a schizo). 

13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think it would depend on the severity of it. Because I’ve known of schizophrenics on meds that seemed no different than anyone I know that didn’t have it, but I’ve also known of schizophrenics that became detached from reality and heard voices that convinced  them to kill others. So it would really be how the person described their condition to me and how it impacts them( and how much I liked the person in general, whether I would go ahead and date them. There is a negative stigma attached to it though and a lot of people are just not that understanding of mental illness. Sorry that happened to you. Agree to not put it on your profile. That’s way too personal for that 

I do agree, it’s seems very personal and I am sure at one point or another my paranoia would start to nag at me. But getting the chance to weed out the ones who would reject me anyway seems enticing because I have wasted so much time and what for me is serious effort.. 

But yes, personally I think all mental illnesses belong on a spectrum. Schizophrenia is no different to me in that regard. 

[neowulf]

As someone who struggles with clinical depression, I can relate.   It's hard.

In the end though, we have to be honest with people and I usually bring up my depression within the first handful of dates.
That said, I wouldn't advertise it on my dating profile.  Most first dates go no where.  I don't see the need to scare people off before they've
had the chance to make a decision for themselves.

It isn't fair to expect someone to have to deal with my illness, just because I'm attracted to them.  It has to be their decision.

With regards Schizophrenia, I'm sad to say it'd be a hard pass from me.  I struggle enough with my own illness.  I wouldn't want to see how 
bad things would get should both illnesses flair up at the same time.

Edited March 18, 2021 by neowulf

[MsJayne]

No more of a deal breaker than any other type of illness, mental or physical. It's not the disability, it's how the sufferer handles it. For me, I'd rather date someone who has a controlled mental illness than date the type of person who would ghost you when they find out, because a person with no empathy or even basic kindness is a lot more of a risk as far as relationship problems go. It's a hard question, on the one hand if you don't say anything you're holding back something important and relevant, but if you do say something you're inviting misinformed judgement. I think most people are fairly ignorant about mental illness, and just the word "schizophrenia", for many people, conjures up images of someone smiling one minute and turning into an axe murderer the next, so clarification and explanations of spectrum disorders are necessary, but that's a super heavy convo to have in the early stages of meeting someone.  Would it be acceptable to put on your profile, "I have a disability which is not life-threatening and has minimal impact on my life" ? That way you've been honest but you haven't made a big deal of it and perhaps downplaying it might reduce the negative reactions. I'm sorry you've been through the ghosting thing, it must be very hurtful but I take my hat off to you for not letting people's rudeness and insensitivity stop you trying  

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, Negotaurus said:

But how did I ambush him? I was honestly just trying to give myself a chance. Most get freaked out when I tell them “I’m schizo” right off the bat.. That’s my experience anyway. There have been guys that have given me a chance after meeting me and finding out later, thanks to me basically not acting like a lunatic. 

You ambushed him by telling him on your first date, versus, telling him before you two even met. His response was to excuse himself to the bathroom, where he actually left the restaurant. Was it the mature move on his part? No, it hurt your feelings. However, you didn't give him a chance to process such huge news by telling him just as you two sat down to eat dinner at the restaurant. That's not the appropriate place or time to share such news. The appropriate place and time is to talk about it before your first date. Preferably with each other on the phone -- not through email or instant message or text message. But over the phone. If you aren't going to reveal that part of your life on your online dating profile, then you owe it to the guys who want to date you, to tell them ahead of the first date. Not while you're on the date. 

 

2 hours ago, neowulf said:

It isn't fair to expect someone to have to deal with my illness, just because I'm attracted to them.  It has to be their decision.

However, you take away their freedom to choose by refusing to reveal that about you before you even go on the first date in the first place. It isn't fair to expect someone to just be ok with your illness, just because you're attracted to them. You have to be honest with them immediately, not 3-4 dates in. What if you have a psychotic episode on the first date? And your date doesn't know about your mental illness? 

I vote for sharing that on your dating profile. Otherwise, if not, you owe it to tell the person over the phone before you go on the date. If I was dating a guy I really fell for, for a month, before he decided to tell me he had a serious mental illness, I would immediately dump him (not because he has the mental illness), but because he betrayed my trust by not telling me immediately. It's selfish to hide your true self from other people you are dating. They'll find out eventually, and usually not under good circumstances. 

[neowulf]

20 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

However, you take away their freedom to choose by refusing to reveal that about you before you even go on the first date in the first place. It isn't fair to expect someone to just be ok with your illness, just because you're attracted to them. You have to be honest with them immediately, not 3-4 dates in. What if you have a psychotic episode on the first date? And your date doesn't know about your mental illness? 

Sure, that's one way to look at.  Here's a different perspective.

Do you think people who have credit card debt should wear black armbands?  I mean, I don't want date people who are terrible with money.
Oh, also control freaks.  They should wear them too. Oh, also people who drink too much.  Oh, also people who like cats.  Hate those.
Basically people need to advertise their flaws up front, so I can avoid the risk of being disappointed!

Yes, I'm being absurd here, but what I'm pointing out is that all dating requires a degree of risk.  All people have issues of some kind.

So, if you're terrified that a person is going to have a deal breaker that puts you off dating them, before you've even met them? 
You're going to have a pretty bad time.

People won't tell you they've got horrible debt.  They won't tell you they're functioning drug addicts.  They won't tell you they have controlling inlaws.
They won't tell you they beat up their last girlfriend.  

That's just the risk you take when you open yourself up to people.

For the record, NONE of my girlfriends have ever dumped me because of my illness.  Each of them has shown me compassion and respected me for my efforts to manage my illness.

Sure, for some people it's a deal breaker and that's ok. They can choose not to continue dating me. 

But at least allow me to make my case.  I am more than my illness.

 

[Negotaurus]

7 hours ago, Watercolors said:

You ambushed him by telling him on your first date, versus, telling him before you two even met. His response was to excuse himself to the bathroom, where he actually left the restaurant. Was it the mature move on his part? No, it hurt your feelings. However, you didn't give him a chance to process such huge news by telling him just as you two sat down to eat dinner at the restaurant. That's not the appropriate place or time to share such news. The appropriate place and time is to talk about it before your first date. Preferably with each other on the phone -- not through email or instant message or text message. But over the phone. If you aren't going to reveal that part of your life on your online dating profile, then you owe it to the guys who want to date you, to tell them ahead of the first date. Not while you're on the date. 

 

However, you take away their freedom to choose by refusing to reveal that about you before you even go on the first date in the first place. It isn't fair to expect someone to just be ok with your illness, just because you're attracted to them. You have to be honest with them immediately, not 3-4 dates in. What if you have a psychotic episode on the first date? And your date doesn't know about your mental illness? 

I vote for sharing that on your dating profile. Otherwise, if not, you owe it to tell the person over the phone before you go on the date. If I was dating a guy I really fell for, for a month, before he decided to tell me he had a serious mental illness, I would immediately dump him (not because he has the mental illness), but because he betrayed my trust by not telling me immediately. It's selfish to hide your true self from other people you are dating. They'll find out eventually, and usually not under good circumstances. 

It's not like I am a lunatic on the loose. If I were, I wouldn't have been dating in the first place. Most who get themselves out there, schizo or depressed, are very aware of their condition and know how to navigate it. Others can't but that doesn't say anything about us. I think saying I "ambushed" him is very harsh, I never had any bad intentions. Yes I admit, I am selfish by not wanting to tell immediately, but in most cases it would immediately ruin any chance I have. Telling someone I'm schizo via a text or a phone call, without them even knowing me, gives them the chance to simply come to their own conclusions about it, without getting my side. And yes, most end up thinking I'm somehow dangerous or simply "too crazy". 

I am fine with people rejecting me in general, people know what they can and can't deal with. But telling people, labelling myself as a schizo, before they even know me, I may as well actually shoot myself in the foot. 

I don't "suffer" with it, I simply live with it. Yes things can get very difficult sometimes, but I got hopeful a while ago after seeing how understanding my employer was.

[Watercolors]

10 hours ago, Negotaurus said:

It's not like I am a lunatic on the loose. If I were, I wouldn't have been dating in the first place. Most who get themselves out there, schizo or depressed, are very aware of their condition and know how to navigate it. Others can't but that doesn't say anything about us. I think saying I "ambushed" him is very harsh, I never had any bad intentions. Yes I admit, I am selfish by not wanting to tell immediately, but in most cases it would immediately ruin any chance I have. Telling someone I'm schizo via a text or a phone call, without them even knowing me, gives them the chance to simply come to their own conclusions about it, without getting my side. And yes, most end up thinking I'm somehow dangerous or simply "too crazy". 

I am fine with people rejecting me in general, people know what they can and can't deal with. But telling people, labelling myself as a schizo, before they even know me, I may as well actually shoot myself in the foot. 

I don't "suffer" with it, I simply live with it. Yes things can get very difficult sometimes, but I got hopeful a while ago after seeing how understanding my employer was.

This is precisely why I labeled your choice to tell your date at the restaurant as an ambush. Your reasons were self-serving, as you admitted above in the bolded text. My observation was just that - an observation from an outsider. 

Quote

I am fine with people rejecting me in general, people know what they can and can't deal with. But telling people, labelling myself as a schizo, before they even know me, I may as well actually shoot myself in the foot. 

If this were true, then the way that guy at the restaurant acted by ditching you, wouldn't have hurt your feelings as bad as it has. Hence, why I suggested that you be upfront with people right away via a phone call. People deserve to know what they're getting into. If I wanted to date someone who had Tourette's, and he didn't tell me before our first date, that he spontaneously yells swear words when he gets stressed or excited, and then it happened while we were laughing or talking about a topic he was really interested in, I would probably freak out not knowing about his Tourette's first. 

I'm trying to offer you another perspective here. There's no way that you can control who accepts you or who rejects you. That's just a general rule for life. The only person you have any control over is yourself. So, you need to weigh what's worked and what hasn't worked for you where dating is concerned, and figure out when to tell these guys you meet online about your schizophrenia. 

[Watercolors]

17 hours ago, neowulf said:

People won't tell you they've got horrible debt.  They won't tell you they're functioning drug addicts.  They won't tell you they have controlling inlaws.
They won't tell you they beat up their last girlfriend.  

That's just the risk you take when you open yourself up to people.

We have different dating philosophies and boundaries -- you and I, neowolf. If I ask a guy to tell me about anything that would effect our relationship and he chooses not to b/c of his own shame or embarrassment that's on him, not me. I'm not responsible for other people's choices but I have a right to clearly explain my boundaries to guys I want to date. 

This thread illustrates my point that dating is about boundary setting for both people involved. If NegoTaurus doesn't want guys to quickly judge and reject her, she has to learn to be assertive, have a sense of humor about her illness that she can speak openly about to put others at ease, and have a thicker skin when the wrong types (and by 'wrong' I mean, guys who can't empathize or be respectful) reject her. 

I also read on NAMI some great advice so I have to rescind my advice where I tell the OP to put it in her dating profile or through a phone call. NAMI's website suggests to tell the date when they are not experiencing symptoms, and when they are comfortable. That totally makes sense then. 

Quote

 

When To Disclose? 

There isn’t any one best method of timing when it comes to this kind of serious conversation. However, there are certain moments that may be easier on you than others.
 

When You Feel Comfortable With Them. 

It’s okay to wait a few weeks or even a couple of months to get to know a person before you disclose. You may need time to decide if they are someone you feel serious about. Or to determine if they are the kind of person who would show the compassion and support you are looking for when having this conversation. You can wait until you feel that you have a strong connection with them, and you feel comfortable talking to them about serious topics. Keep in mind, if it’s the right person, you telling them should only make them appreciate your strength more.
 

When You Feel Okay.

It’s typically best to have the conversation when you’re feeling okay and not experiencing severe symptoms. If you have a condition that occurs in episodes, you should tell them during a calm period before an episode ensues. It will be easier to have the conversation when you feel okay and your head is clear. Additionally, if they are unaware of your condition and then you experience an episode or severe symptoms, they may not know how to help you or may be caught off guard by your symptoms. 

 

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2019/Discussing-Mental-Illness-with-the-Person-You-re-Dating#:~:text=It's typically best to have,and your head is clear.

[Negotaurus]

30 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

This is precisely why I labeled your choice to tell your date at the restaurant as an ambush. Your reasons were self-serving, as you admitted above in the bolded text. My observation was just that - an observation from an outsider. 

If this were true, then the way that guy at the restaurant acted by ditching you, wouldn't have hurt your feelings as bad as it has. Hence, why I suggested that you be upfront with people right away via a phone call. People deserve to know what they're getting into. If I wanted to date someone who had Tourette's, and he didn't tell me before our first date, that he spontaneously yells swear words when he gets stressed or excited, and then it happened while we were laughing or talking about a topic he was really interested in, I would probably freak out not knowing about his Tourette's first. 

I'm trying to offer you another perspective here. There's no way that you can control who accepts you or who rejects you. That's just a general rule for life. The only person you have any control over is yourself. So, you need to weigh what's worked and what hasn't worked for you where dating is concerned, and figure out when to tell these guys you meet online about your schizophrenia. 

It hurt because he left me waiting in the restaurant like an idiot. 
 

I suppose I’m a selfish ambushing predator then. That’s fine. 

[Negotaurus]

45 minutes ago, Watercolors said:I'm trying to offer you another perspective here. There's no way that you can control who accepts you or who rejects you. That's just a general rule for life. The only person you have any control over is yourself. So, you need to weigh what's worked and what hasn't worked for you where dating is concerned, and figure out when to tell these guys you meet online about your schizophrenia. 

Your posts really pissed me off, I will admit. Here are my thoughts after calming down: 

What’s worked is giving myself the chance to show people that I’m not dangerous or crazy. People have given me chances in the past, after seeing what I am like. If I did what you suggested, most would ditch immediately and if I did get a chance with anybody, they would already think of me as “the schizo”, “different”, “abnormal” or whatever. I will never get the chance to BE normal in their eyes. There will always be some sort of a stigma around me. And regarding me being hurt, schizo or not, I still have an ego. To know that somebody escaped through a restroom’s window to escape me, yeah, guess what, it doesn’t feel nice. Believe it or not. 
 

By all means, I am perfectly fine with having these conversations - what is morally correct and what isn’t. But a conversation takes two that are willing to hear out the other and see where they are coming from. All you do is push your agenda, without a care of what I might think or feel. Call me selfish and self-serving, sure. But it’s quite ironic because everything you’ve suggested I do would be to serve your needs and your needs only. If I disagree, I am technically a predator according to you. I “ambushed’ my prey in the restaurant until the moment I finally got the courage to openly tell him that yes there is something wrong with me. I liked him. I knew it would ruin everything, and after never getting the chance to be with someone who truly seemed to like me, I just wanted to not ruin it for a little while. Sick and selfish, I know. 
 

Society isn’t that open towards schizophrenics. Our treatment is at a stand-still because most seem to think we are a lost cause anyway. The media says we are aggressive and helpless. I don’t mean to put mental illnesses and conditions as such on a leaderboard, but schizophrenia isn’t the same as depression. It’s not the same as Tourette's. It’s just not the same. 

[Negotaurus]

18 hours ago, neowulf said:

Sure, that's one way to look at.  Here's a different perspective.

Do you think people who have credit card debt should wear black armbands?  I mean, I don't want date people who are terrible with money.
Oh, also control freaks.  They should wear them too. Oh, also people who drink too much.  Oh, also people who like cats.  Hate those.

I want my armband to be pink and glittery. 

[Watercolors]

13 minutes ago, Negotaurus said:

Your posts really pissed me off, I will admit. Here are my thoughts after calming down: 

What’s worked is giving myself the chance to show people that I’m not dangerous or crazy. People have given me chances in the past, after seeing what I am like. If I did what you suggested, most would ditch immediately and if I did get a chance with anybody, they would already think of me as “the schizo”, “different”, “abnormal” or whatever. I will never get the chance to BE normal in their eyes. There will always be some sort of a stigma around me. And regarding me being hurt, schizo or not, I still have an ego. To know that somebody escaped through a restroom’s window to escape me, yeah, guess what, it doesn’t feel nice. Believe it or not. 
 

By all means, I am perfectly fine with having these conversations - what is morally correct and what isn’t. But a conversation takes two that are willing to hear out the other and see where they are coming from. All you do is push your agenda, without a care of what I might think or feel. Call me selfish and self-serving, sure. But it’s quite ironic because everything you’ve suggested I do would be to serve your needs and your needs only. If I disagree, I am technically a predator according to you. I “ambushed’ my prey in the restaurant until the moment I finally got the courage to openly tell him that yes there is something wrong with me. I liked him. I knew it would ruin everything, and after never getting the chance to be with someone who truly seemed to like me, I just wanted to not ruin it for a little while. Sick and selfish, I know. 
 

Society isn’t that open towards schizophrenics. Our treatment is at a stand-still because most seem to think we are a lost cause anyway. The media says we are aggressive and helpless. I don’t mean to put mental illnesses and conditions as such on a leaderboard, but schizophrenia isn’t the same as depression. It’s not the same as Tourette's. It’s just not the same. 

My intention wasn't to label you anything. I used the word 'ambush' b/c of the way you described how quickly you told your date. His response was to take off, b/c that was clearly too much too soon for him. So, he wasn't the right guy for you. People need time to absorb information from people they are dating, who have something serious to disclose.  As NAMI and other posters have suggested, wait until you feel comfortable next time. The first date is not the best time. And, as I posted in my response to neowolf, I rescinded my suggestion to you earlier where I encouraged you to put in on your online dating profile. That was bad advice on my part. So, definitely no reason to do that. Reveal it when you feel comfortable. When that time is, is up to you. 

I also posted a link from NAMI in my response to neowolf's post, which gives suggestions as to how to disclose one's mental illness to people. 

I'll post that again for you. Maybe you'll find it helpful. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2019/Discussing-Mental-Illness-with-the-Person-You-re-Dating#:~:text=It's typically best to have,and your head is clear.
 

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When To Disclose? 

There isn’t any one best method of timing when it comes to this kind of serious conversation. However, there are certain moments that may be easier on you than others.
 

When You Feel Comfortable With Them. 

It’s okay to wait a few weeks or even a couple of months to get to know a person before you disclose. You may need time to decide if they are someone you feel serious about. Or to determine if they are the kind of person who would show the compassion and support you are looking for when having this conversation. You can wait until you feel that you have a strong connection with them, and you feel comfortable talking to them about serious topics. Keep in mind, if it’s the right person, you telling them should only make them appreciate your strength more.
 

When You Feel Okay.

It’s typically best to have the conversation when you’re feeling okay and not experiencing severe symptoms. If you have a condition that occurs in episodes, you should tell them during a calm period before an episode ensues. It will be easier to have the conversation when you feel okay and your head is clear. Additionally, if they are unaware of your condition and then you experience an episode or severe symptoms, they may not know how to help you or may be caught off guard by your symptoms. 
 

When You Need Support.

If it happens that you don’t have the chance to tell them before you experience severe symptoms while you are with them, that’s okay too. You should tell them anyway if something happens while you’re together. Don’t try to hide how you’re feeling or what you’re going through. Actually seeing your symptoms may help them to comprehend and believe the gravity of your condition. 
 

When They Disclose Their Issues. 

If they open up to you about major problems in their life this shows that they feel comfortable with you. It should signal to you that they will most likely be accepting of your problems too. 
 

When They Ask You. 

They may notice your symptoms or a change in behavior and ask you about it. Mental illness can be a hard thing to hide. If they ask, it’s a good time to tell them the truth, even if you weren’t planning to in that moment.
 

How To Have The Conversation 

This conversation will most likely be very nerve-wracking. But you are strong, and if you can handle your mental illness, you can handle telling someone about it too. It may be helpful to have a basic idea of what you’re going to say before you say it. Here are a few things to keep in mind. 
 

Be Honest.

You are a part of their life now and thus, your illness is a part of their life as well. They need to know about it. Don’t downplay it or lie to them in any way. They will most likely find out later if you do. Open yourself up and tell them what you need and want to tell them. 
 

Say What You Are Comfortable With Sharing.

You don’t have to tell them everything right away in order to have an honest conversation. While some people are ready to tell their partners the ins and the outs of their illness, this is not a requirement. So, feel free to tell them only what you are comfortable with whether it’s just the name of your illness or some of your symptoms. You can have the full discussion in your own time. 
 

Try Not To Panic (If Possible).

Telling someone that you have a mental illness is scary and definitely can cause panic. However, you should try to relax, if you can. Try to keep in mind, if they are the right person for you, your mental illness won’t scare them away. 
 

Do It Only If You Are Ready.

Some may feel pressured by friends, peers, family or even society to disclose their issues to their new partner, but you shouldn’t base any decisions off anyone but yourself. You don’t have to say anything if you are not comfortable with it yet. You have your reasons, and you should listen to your instincts. 
 
Telling someone new that you have a mental illness—especially when you really like them—is hard. However, if you find the right time and if it’s the right person, it could be a positive and loving experience for both of you.